perzephone: (cunty day)
[personal profile] perzephone
Thanks, Zoloft! 

So far I've lost my religion & broken a drunk guy's heart. What else can I fuck up?

And the radio is conspiring against me - playing a bunch of sappy songs like I Can't Make You Love Me & That's Why They Call It the Blues. Oh, and let's not forget Purple Rain. Fuck you, Sunny 106.5*. 

Josh has all these dreams about stealing me away, getting a boat & taking me to Tahiti or something. Getting a dog & naming it Gilligan. I don't know... and now he's drunk & angry & hurt. Hopefully tomorrow he will only be hung over & will still make it to work. 

I have to be brutally honest, though. I've got a personality disorder to contend with, and it's horrible enough that I don't really feel anything for my husband. I'm not dragging anyone else down with me. I have regrets about what I've done to other people emotionally because of my trust/abandonment/personality problem, and my drinking. I'm gun-shy of any kind of meaningful relationships with anyone. I'd like friendships & romances, but I am not emotionally capable of supporting anyone else. I've got a lot in common with psychopaths/sociopaths as far as using people to get what I want without giving anything in return. I make no emotional investments, can't make any emotional investments, so I don't feel any pain. All I can do is pretend.  

Oh well, doesn't matter, got a dick pic out of it. 

(*originally I cursed BobFM. It wasn't Bob's fault.)


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