Decisions

May. 18th, 2014 10:57 pm
perzephone: (lunar phases)
[personal profile] perzephone
Talked to Rob about my shallow emotions, and my inability to feel anything deeply. He doesn't care as long as I'm not mean to him or the dog. He's ok with me pretending/acting, whatever. He also told me that I am different from almost everyone he's ever met in one important way - I accept. I accept other people pretty much at face value, and I'm a live-and-let-live kind of person at heart. I do judge other people, but it's mostly in my own head and I don't really expect other people to stop doing what they're doing just because I think they're a bad person - as long as they're not doing it to me.

It's not like my disaffection prevents me from doing anything. I'm not always motivated to provoke others or anger others or push other people's buttons. Inasmuch as I like the free entertainment it provides, I can also be kind. I can act compassionately, even if I'm not a compassionate or empathetic person. I know the difference between 'right' and 'wrong', and what is socially acceptable behavior in most situations. I've been doing it all along, anyway. Doesn't matter what I feel or don't feel, as long as I know what to do.

I think the most important thing is that I start accepting myself, with all my kinks and quirks. Stop beating myself up for being a bad Pagan (hellooo Apatheism!), stop beating myself up because I have the emotional depth of an ice cube tray, stop beating myself up because I communicate better with dogs & computers than people.

I am kind, and I can be kind to myself, too.

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Rainbow Serpent Woman

August 2014

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