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Capricorn Horoscope for week of December 16, 2010

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

Let's imagine we're fifth-century monks living in the land that today is known as the south of France. And let's say we decide we're going to build a chapel in a place that has long been a pagan shrine dedicated to the moon goddess Selene. Shouldn't we consider the possibility that our new house of worship may be imbued with the vibes of the previous sanctuary? Won't our own spiritual aspirations be colored by those of the people who for hundreds of years poured forth their devotions? Now shift your attention to the present day, and apply our little thought experiment to what's going on in your life. Tune in to the influences that may be conditioning the new thing you'd like to create.

Only I'm trying to build a shrine to Selene on top of me.

My throat hurts really bad tonight, has been since yesterday. Our local Pick Up Stix restaurants closed, so I have no place from which to get really good wor won ton soup. I am disappoint.


Jun. 11th, 2010 03:13 am
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I think I may have an actual wish that would work.

If I wished for the ability to comprehend, speak, read and write any human language I encountered, without being turned into a computer or reverted to a pre-lingual infant state, I might actually get my wish without any unforeseen and nasty side effects.
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I asked's Tarot... I chose the Aquatic Tarot, & chose the Twisting Path spread for me.

The Twisting Path spread provides insight into the path ahead of you and the choices you must make. This is the spread for situations where more than one pitfall may lie ahead. The Aquatic Tarot is a modern watercolor interpretation of the classic Rider Waite symbolism. It is rapidly becoming one of the most popular decks, due to both its spectacular beauty and its traditional imagery.

The card at the lower left, represents the first decision along your path.

Five of Cups (Disappointment), when reversed:
Accepting a loss. Overcoming sadness and grief to get on with your life. Realizing the value of what you still have. Dissatisfaction gives way to a new hope and understanding. May allude to a broken relationship or tragedy. May also refer to a gift, inheritance, opportunity, partnership, or marriage that has fallen below expectations.

The card to the far left represents the first false path that may lead you astray.
Five of Swords (Defeat), when reversed:
Refusing to achieve success through personal degradation. Friendship maintained through the abandonment of a dishonorable gain. Slander and infamy avoided.

The card in the middle represents the second decision along your path.
Six of Swords (Science), when reversed:
Conceit and intellectual pride. Being stuck in a problem which has no apparent solution. Frustration and anxiety that are left unsettled. Travel and exploration are delayed.

The card at the lower right represents the second false path that may lead you astray.
Ace of Wands, when reversed:
The seed of a new crisis - perhaps as yet unseen. The start of an explosive situation threatening to consume all who get too close. The herald of birth, invention, or upheaval. An innate and primal force unleashed. May suggest a surge of vitality, creativity, or fertility that can set dangerous events in motion.

The card at the top represents one possible mask of your true destination.
Four of Pentacles (Power):
Cleaving to earthly power in the desperate fear that it will be lost. Making yourself an obstacle to progress due to lack of originality and a desperate fear of change. Believing that security and identity are based primarily on the possession of material things. Coveting things and people. Living in a cloud of suspicion and prejudice.

Accurate to the point of creepy, but still no answers.
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Capricorn Horoscope for week of January 14, 2010

The number of bacteria per square inch on a toilet seat averages about 50. Meanwhile, your telephone harbors over 25,000 germs per square inch and the top of your desk has about 21,000. I'd like you to use this as a metaphor that you can apply more universally. According to my analysis, you see, you are over-emphasizing the risks and problems in one particular area of your life and underestimating them elsewhere. Spend some time this week correcting the misdiagnoses.
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Capricorn Horoscope for week of October 8, 2009

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
John, a colleague of mine, is a skillful psychotherapist. His father is in a similar occupation, psychoanalysis. If you ask John whether his dad gave him a good understanding of the human psyche while he was growing up, John quotes the old maxim: "The shoemaker's son has no shoes." Is there any comparable theme in your own life, Capricorn? Some talent or knowledge or knack that should have been but was not a part of your inheritance; a natural gift you were somehow cheated out of in your early environment? If so, the coming weeks will be an excellent time to start recovering from your loss and getting the good stuff you have coming to you.

I know the answer to this. Both my parents were able to draw and paint. They were creative people. Maybe that's part of why being parents didn't sit well with them.

Art, at least in my case, was not genetic.

Maybe all you arty people out there whom I love so deeply are really the parents I never had.

Heh, yeah, think about that & try to sleep tonight... Good night, moms and dads...
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Sometimes, he's right on, but sometimes... not so much.

Capricorn Horoscope for week of October 1, 2009

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
"The bear must deal with 20 obstacles, and each one of them involves pears," says the Sufi proverb, "because the bear adores pears." That's a twisty truth worth meditating on, Capricorn. I suspect that the gifts coming your way will bring their own unique problems; the dreams you're in love with will generate new dilemmas to solve. By no means does this imply that you should avoid accepting the gifts or pursuing your dreams. Part of the fun of doing great things is dealing with the changes they generate!

Explain to me about the pears again? I mean, I get the whole 'bear' part, but why are pears going to be troubling me?

I mean, they're fruit, for Gods' sakes... Unless maybe Rob & I get stuck behind a convoy of produce truckers or something. All hauling pears. But why would Vegas be shipping in 20 truckloads of pears? And sending them downtown, which is the only place I can think of where I'm in the car w/Rob...

He does mention gifts. Maybe someone will send me a fruit basket, with 20 pears, and the post office will hold them for ransom.
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This is a generic astrological chart done by Astrodienst

It is creepily accurate.

Sun in Capricorn
Moon in Pisces
Ascendant in Scorpio
Mars in the Sixth House
Sun in the Second House
Venus in the Third House
Moon in the Fifth House
Saturn in the Eighth House

Sun in Capricorn, Moon in Pisces

Your astrological combination indicates a quiet, undemonstrative individual. You are retiring by nature and prefer domestic activities. A somewhat passive person, you require a stronger force or person to move you out of your state of psychological inertia. Much about you is concentrated and inner-directed.

You seek integrity of self. You make a good friend and confidant, for you never reveal a secret that has been told to you. But you don't allow friends and associates to penetrate beneath your outermost mask. You deal well with people in unfortunate positions, because they arouse the compassion inherent in your Moon influence. Under favorable circumstances, your psychic and mystic tendencies could be awakened. The key to a more harmonious existence lies in using your organizing ability to establish a more active life. You possess a high degree of innate ambition and perseverance.

Ascendant in Scorpio, Mars in the Sixth House

At the time of your birth the zodiacal sign of Scorpio was ascending in the horizon. Its ruler Mars is located in the sixth house.

Your life will be marked by your shrewd, secretive, obstinate, clever, and reserved disposition. You remain an enigma: with these traits, your life events could be either very tragic or very fortunate. To which category of Scorpio do you belong? There are two types, the extremely emotional, attracted by those pathological aspects of biological relationship, or the highly mystical, concerned with spirituality.

You are a person of extremes, very sensitive and desirous of attachment. There is some attraction to the occult or to psychic phenomena. You are active in the sense that there is a psychological struggle going on inside you between the positive and negative poles-those of affirming and satisfying or rejecting and repressing. You are very intense in your feelings and remain passionately attached to the person you love. Similarly, when you dislike someone you are very fixed in that feeling. However, there is room for optimism in that: whatever type of Scorpio you may happen to be, there exists a desire deep in your inner self for psychic regeneration.

At some point in your life, after the occurrence of a major dramatic event that will affect you deeply, the goal and entire expression of your ego may alter entirely. The intensity and profundity of your passion, however, will always be constant. You have a tendency to go into the shadows and secretly plan the course of action you will take, reluctant to let others know the exact nature of your mood or feelings. In your sexual affairs you are full of passion and strong attachment.

Exert more control over your passions; don't be so resentful of others. Use your strong will and character for favorable and beneficial things.

You have a strong inclination to be involved in medicine, perhaps even surgery. You are attracted by research and investigation in general.

This position indicates that your actions will be geared to work. You are going to be very energetic in work and enthusiastic in all labor-type duties. Your treatment of other people in work will be liberal and sympathetic, but when they respond in a similar manner you become angry and over-authoritative. People with Mars in the sixth house should be their own bosses or carry on independently in business as when they are subordinate to others there is a tendency to work too hard.

Sun in the Second House

The Sun was found in the second house at the time of your birth. This position makes financial matters - and the act of physical conquest and possession - the central motivation of your existence.

It is virtually a necessity that you address yourself to gaining material security. The obligations of giving still exist for you as a real difficulty which you must learn to deal with.

You should enjoy your own wealth and also instruct yourself in the art of giving. You wish to be respected in financial matters and like to be regarded as a person who is self- sufficient.

There exists a great amount of faith in your abilities; you believe that no matter what happens, you will always endure financially. These influences of the Sun grant strong possibilities for success in life.

Your weaknesses in money include a tendency to be very demonstrative, a desire for money because of the power it wields. As you reach mature age, the doors of opportunity will open for you through persons highly placed in government. Don't miss the chance.

Venus in the Third House

Venus was in the third house of your horoscope at the time of birth. You are keenly interested in the creative arts, and your thoughts and words are surrounded by a halo of beauty, taste, and proportion. Your mind actually feels the emotions connected with nature and the higher aspects of things human. Venus here augurs pleasant and kind relations with members of your family; the disposition of your intellect is congenial, youthful, and attractive.

The keys to a better integration of both your mental and emotional functions consist of deepening your personal relationships and of turning the mind inward so that you may be able to know the world better by means of true self-knowledge.

Moon in the Fifth House

The Moon was found in the fifth house at the time of your birth. This indicates that you will participate actively in business speculations with many changes occurring in this respect. You were born with a knack for dealing with people and with the ability to communicate with them, particularly in connection with business enterprises.

Your emotional nature is very much geared to your love of pleasure, and you possess a very curious aptitude which may bring you financial gains as well as pleasures in business.

In spite of the positive qualities you have, the fact of the matter is that in love you are very changeable, unstable, or too preoccupied with trivialities.

Your love feelings are very well developed and lead to strong drives for sensations and passionate tendencies which unfortunately are not directed to one object alone.

It is possible that throughout life you may be connected with small and numerous business investments with a fairly good return.

Note: The Moon is technically near the end of house 4 and is therefore interpreted in house 5.

Saturn in the Eighth House

Saturn was found in the eighth house at the time of birth. Because of the restraining influence of this planet, matters concerning legacies, inheritance, and the financial dealings of your partner or associates could be severely limited and may be frustrated by what seems to be harsh fate.

Psychologically you are rather serious in connection with sexual affairs. You approach sex with caution, rationality and planning. Excess reason and thought in this direction may create some frustration in sexual matters.

Pretty scary.

What is also scary is that something's been knocking on the walls. Loudly. It's getting annoying.
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Apparently I'm goin gto have another stroke.

Yano, I've only had 2 shots of tequila. I do not feel drunk. However, I cannot type. When I went to the Onion & tried to look up horoscope, I typed in 'horoshoop'. Then I looked at my fgingers like, "I did not hit those buttons."

Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 19 People and places from your past will come rushing back this week, thanks to a sudden hemorrhage of the temporal lobe.
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Free Will Astrology
Capricorn Horoscope for week of September 4, 2008

"The whole history of civilization is strewn with creeds and institutions which were invaluable at first, and deadly afterwards." So said British essayist Walter Bagehot. I would add the following corollary: The fortunes of many individuals have declined because of belief systems and structures that were invigorating earlier in their lives but that gradually became paralyzing or parasitical. Has that ever been true about you, Capricorn? More importantly, might it become true in the future? Please take inventory of your reliance on theories and attitudes and methods that made good sense once upon a time but that are now becoming irrelevant or even counterproductive.

Maybe I should take a break from worrying about my spirituality. It would alleviate a lot of guilt about unread books, unbeaten drums, unfulfilled vows and uncharitable attitudes (last night this fucking panhandler decided to wash our car windshield unannounced & then demanded we buy him a hot dog. I'm like, "Yeah, you spread dirty water (I hope it was just water... thinking about where panhandlers get a dripping wet squeegee is not something I want to spend a bunch of time on) on the windshield & expect us to pay you for your services?! And then get pissed off at us for not handing you a buck?!" I spent the entire ride home looking at those drying brown splotches & getting more & more annoyed. I was mostly annoyed at myself for being uncharitable, not because I was thinking about how bad a person I was being, but because I was thinking how bad a Pagan and aspiring Buddhist I was being...)


May. 10th, 2008 10:53 pm
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Today when I went to the dentist I wore my "The villagers are coming with torches and pitch-forks. Please hide me." t-shirt, because that's what I wear when I go to dentist offices and physical therapy and to get my blood drawn, etc - in other words, it's what I wear when I'm being tortured by the medical profession (and when I have to get my hair cut, because that's another alien-abduction-like experience to me).

So just now I logged into The Onion, and this was Capricorn's horroscope:
Your Horoscope
May 6, 2008 | Issue 44•19
Capricorn December 22 - January 19
A mob of torch-wielding villagers will soon gather outside your home, which is odd, as you don't remember inviting a mob of torch-wielding villagers over.
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My FreeWill Astrology for this week:

Capricorn Horoscope for week of October 11, 2007

This coming week won't be a favorable time to seek revenge against the thunder for making such loud noises. Nor would it be a good idea for you to curse the sea for being so restless or to angrily punch the sky for being so high or to spread nasty gossip about the wind for refusing to heed your commands. On the other hand, cosmic fortune will bless you if you yourself are like an elemental force that unapologetically obeys the laws of your own nature.

Does anyone really want to see me act like an elemental force that unapologetically obeys the laws of my own nature? Um, yeah, didn't think so.
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Appropriate horrorscope, considering what I've been dealing with lately:

Capricorn Horoscope for week of September 20, 2007

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
Three hundred years ago, a Miwok Indian family slept on the land where my home now stands. I salute them. I celebrate them with a sense of wonder and curiosity. Three hundred years from tonight, who knows what will be here? A Chinese mosque? An android research facility? A polyglot, polyamorous, multicultural commune? Whoever may be here then, I salute them. I celebrate them with wonder and curiosity. In accordance with your omens, Capricorn, I urge you to use what I just did as a starting point for an extended meditation. Gaze both backwards and forwards in time with a spirit of playful reverence. Spur your imagination to fantasize about the people who have preceded you and who will follow you. Feel the way your destiny has been blessed by the past, and think about how your life will bless the future.


Aug. 11th, 2007 12:39 am
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So I asked the legal team if I'd end up working for Metro in the next 3 months & they said "employees and their families not eligible." I asked them if I'd end up working for Metro in the next 6 months & they said, "batteries not included."

I must meditate on this.

**Edited for content:

Ok, so I started looking for sites w/fortune cookie memes & found Weird Fortune Cookies, which is an absolute laugh riot. So then I went to google & typed in 'fortune cookie' & hit the "I'm feeling lucky" button. Instead of anything truly interesting, I got the wikipedia article on fortune cookies.

I don't know how accurate this is, but it's funny because of the winning Powerball number:

The U.S. Powerball lottery drawing of the March 30, 2005 game produced an unprecedented 110 second-place winners, all of whom picked five numbers correctly with no powerball number. The total came out to $19.4 million in unexpected payouts. 89 tickets won $100,000, but 21 additional tickets won $500,000 due to the Power Play multiplier option.

Powerball officials initially suspected fraud, but it turned out that all the winners received their numbers from fortune cookies made by Wonton Food Inc.[4], a fortune cookie factory in Long Island City, Queens, New York. Apparently, number combinations printed on fortunes are reused in thousands of cookies per day. The five winning numbers were 22, 28, 32, 33, and 39. The sixth number in the fortune, 40, did not match the powerball number, 42.

So now we all know what the question is for the Answer to Life, the Universe and Everything - it's the winning Powerball number on March 30, 2005.

(Ah, here's the original article from the Washington Post.)
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Capricorn Horoscope for week of August 2, 2007

Here are a few of the improvements I expect you to have accomplished by the end of August: a panoramic view of what's beneath the tip of the iceberg; a more useful relationship with obsession; the cutting of a knot that has tied you up for far too long; the resurrection of a seemingly extinct dream; the beginning of the end of what you love to hate; and hot discussions about the Three Things That Have Rarely or Never Been Talked About.

Sometimes I'm under the impression that Rob Breszny has a network of spies to rival Marie LaVeau's - and they follow me around.
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So I asked the Goddess Oracle, "How can I steal fire?" I got Maeve again.

I turned to my other favorite oracle, the free advice from's legal team.

This is what they told me:

Dear sir or madam,
In response to your query "How can I steal fire?" dated 6/3/2007 , we believe the most applicable phrase to be "store in a cool, dry place". Our invoice for 5 hours of legal work at $350 per hour will be forthcoming.


The Facade Legal Team

I guess what I ought to do now is ask the Medicine Cards "how do I honor my rhythms and cycles?" I got the same answer as above from's legal team. "Store in a cool dry place". Sounds kind of like I need to go hang out in a mausoleum or something.
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'A resort are will be part of your next holiday plans'. 

Obviously, I'm not going anywhere on my next vacation. 
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Joseph Campbell's really pushing that whole 'follow your bliss' thing... I dunno, I still can't buy into it. My horoscope is in cahoots w/ol' Mr. Campbell, tho:

Quickie: You've reached a point of no return, but little resistance. So do things your own way.
Overview: Be the author of your life. Decide what you want to happen -- and, more importantly, what you don't want to happen -- and then make it so. The universe will provide you all the help you need to make this happen -- truly.

In other news, they're doing a huge computer overhaul at Mandalay & Excalibur tonight. It's my weekend, tho, so I don't give a fuckarooniedoonie. I'm planning on getting terrifically drunk tonight, so I'm hoping they try to get me to come in for OT.

The lightning and wind last night was awe-inspiring, but when the rains came I couldn't get outside to play because I was stuck at my desk. I don't even have a window to look out at a small portion of the Desert Mother's thundery glory. It's still cloudy and humid this morning, so I have hopes for a thunderstorm in the next day or so that I can go out & enjoy. The Stardust lost power & our lights were flickering :)
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From the oracle that is Rob Brezsny:

Happy Valentine Daze, Capricorn! To begin our meditation on love, let's turn our attention to your appearance. I think you owe a huge debt of gratitude to the fact that you don't have the face and body of a dazzling supermodel or gorgeous hunk. The temptation to rely on your physical attractiveness at the expense of developing your character would be virtually irresistible. In the coming days, this fact will bring you a fresh batch of benefits, including a subtle breakthrough in your romantic life. Here's your quote of the week, from Katharine Hepburn: "It is the plain women who know about love. The beautiful women are too busy being fascinating."

So I'm supposed to be thankful that I'm ugly and have really bad genes? Yanno, Horrorscopes are supposed to apply to all of an astrological sign, but sometimes Brezsny just gets personal.

I think this is part of my problem. As the women in my family age, they get really hard on the eyes. All the women in my family start looking like those Depression-era Dustbowl farmer women... Deep creases running from nose to the corners of their mouths, thin lips, lizard skin, squinty wrinkles on the forehead, frowzy hair, boobs down to their bellies. And it all basically starts when they hit 30 or so. It's all downhill for me.
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My freewillastrology by Rob Breszny

Capricorn Horoscope for week of October 6, 2005

In his poem "Jerusalem, Easter," Stanley Moss writes, "On this bright Easter morning / smelling of Arab bread, / what if God simply changed his mind / and called out into the city, / 'Thou shalt not kill,' and, like an angry father, 'I will not say it another time!' / They are praying too much in Jerusalem . . ."

( - not part of the horrorscope, just me - for some reason, even not being JudeoChristian, this little poem sent chills up & down my back & arms, and I almost burst out crying. So to me, obviously, it rings of truth and reality.)

This is the rest of my horrorscope:

With this as your inspiration, Capricorn, I'd like you to meditate on two themes: 1) What crucial message do you keep getting from God or life but continue to ignore? 2) Is there a certain ideal you say you believe in but sometimes neglect to carry out in your day-to-day encounters?

I've found over the past few days that I inspire great fear at work, and I'm not even trying to intimidate anyone. In fact, to my knowledge I've only threatened people directly twice - once involved the printer & an ink ribbon, the other time, well, we have the ability to be signed on twice at the same time - but if you post cash on one sign-on, it doesn't always show up when you sign off at the end of a shift, so that money is in the computer, but lost at the same time, which means trouble for the auditor when it comes to balancing. So I told Scott that if he kept showing people how to get the double sign-on, I would have his head on a pole and would shit down his neck. But when I ask for something, people jump. Everyone got the message finally - leave me alone. And leaving me alone allowed me to get the rest of my August revisions completed. Finally.

Ye gods, what a week. And I've got a big test to look forward to today. Fun fun fun.
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Yesterday, my horrorscope said, "Go off the road if it'll get you there faster." Today, it says "The road ahead is dark & winding. Better turn your headlights on." I knew I shouldv'e stayed on the damned road yesterday, even w/all the traffic...


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