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Jody's MRI results came back - she has a benign fatty tumor on her kidney. No surgery necessary unless for some reason it starts to grow or a fistula develops & it starts storing fluid or something completely bizarre like that.

Eric also did something nice - he sent Jody a plane ticket, so she got to have a little vacation in St. Paul over the weekend. He took her to the state fair & to a club called Ground Zero, which apparently is a hot little spot for the BD/SM crowd. He also opened his home to her, so if Jody can get her doctors to sign waivers saying she cannot work & finalizes her SSIS claims, she'll probably move out there.

I like when things fall into place like that.
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Jody was sent for a CT scan for her chest last week - she's got arthritis in her breastbone & rib cage & she's been having muscle spasms. In the process of examining her chest, the technician discovered a mass on her kidney, which may be a tumor. She's going for a more in-depth CT scan on her kidneys next week. She's been going to the VA for her doctor stuff, and they have a service that picks her up & drops her off at all her appointments, which is probably the most help she's gotten from any agency over all these years.

Jamie's taking things rather well, but Jamie's very laid-back and easy going. Terry and Miranda, on the other hand, are basket cases. Cancer has always been Miranda's number one fear. She used to cry when the public service announcements about smoking & lung cancer would come on t.v. & she'd beg Jody to stop smoking so she wouldn't die of cancer.

I'm kind of in that wait-and-see mode because well, if it is a tumor which is in an operable place and they've caught it while it's small. I asked her if she'd be opting for surgery or chemo & she said she still hasn't decided. Jody, Terry and I are all kind of scarred when anyone mentions chemo/radiation because our mother did die a horrible death as a result of the chemo she endured. I was the only one who saw her at the end, but Jody & Terry had to listen to her ask them to bring her cigarettes over the phone & have her call them by her sisters' names...

I was just talking with Rob about cancer the other day - Rob's been having some ratio/spatial problems, nausea, dizziness & vertigo, and it's been recurring ever since he fired that shotgun in the air when we were robbed. I keep telling him whenever he's ready I'll make the doctor's appointment so he can get his ear examined & maybe they'll send him for a skull x-ray or CT scan to see if any of those cilia in his inner ear are broken off & floating around in there. So of course, he's been visualizing a brain tumor being discovered. I know for a fact that if I was ever diagnosed w/cancer & it was inoperable and the only treatment recommended was chemo/radiation, I would put up w/the pain & misery and just die a natural cancer-related death. I don't care about the success stories, I don't care about the advances in technology that have been made over the last 24 years... all I care about is that thing that my mother became, bloated and yellow, hairless and delirious, smelling like a toxic spill, calling her daughters by strange names & asking people in Las Vegas and Los Angeles to bring her cigarettes.
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I had what was probably the shortest phone conversation I've ever had with Jody tonight. I called her to wish her happy birthday... and she was so fucked up. She probably won't even remember me calling her. I dunno what the new psych has her on, but it's kicking her ass. I know she's got a couple of anti-psychotics, Seroquel and something else, but dayum was she fucked up. 

We had a relatively productive day - scrubbed out Ed's tank, gave him a bath & cut him some new carpeting. He's a happy clean snake.  
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In my quest to find out what types of paint I could use on a skin drum head, I ran across some more useless trivia. It's something I've always wondered about. The British infantry used to take kids into battle with them who were just there to play a drum. I always wondered, "Why would an otherwise sane and logical race of tacticians insist on taking a drummer-boy into battle, and then get all upset when he was killed?"

The 'little drummer boys' passed signals along the ranks. It all makes sense now. The Brits should have given their drummer-boys some damn armor, and maybe a gun or at least a bayonet... something. Jeeze. Sending a defenseless kid into a battle w/a drum.

Reminds me of Jody's experience in the Army. She was a woman, and she joined the Mechanics Corp. Because she joined the Army, she had to go through marksmanship training (which she did earn a nice medal for, btw). However, had she made it through Basic, she would not be issued any firearms because even though the Mechanics Corps may have to go to the frontline in a hostile environment, they weren't allowed to carry firearms. What really makes this funny, though, is in the late 1970's, the U. S. Army wasn't all politically correct - women couldn't go to the frontline under any circumstance because they might be pregnant. Jody told me at one point during her marksmanship training, she asked the commanding officer about all this & he just stood there shaking his head.. especially when she asked him, "So if an enemy soldier attacks me while I'm changing the tire on a Jeep, what am I supposed to do - throw my tire iron at him?"
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Went to drop off Jody's movie tix tonight, just got home. She lives out on Hwy. 160 - we saw a big ol' jack rabbit when we pulled in to the driveway. She's looking a lot like our mother, especially since she's got her hair dyed so dark & she's very wrinkly. She's gotten extremely skinny, which I know is contributing to her wrinkliness. Her psych has her on Seroquel & something else that I can't remember the name of to help her sleep - it starts w/an S. I know it's not Welbutrin. She went for a 3-day neurological survey last weekend but they won't have the results for another month or so. It's one of those cases where everybody hopes there is something verifiably wrong with her, because a confirmed diagnosis leads to a possible treatment. Her psych is worried that the seizures & tremors might just be latent side-effects of her long-term drug abuse from when she was younger, in which case there is no real 'cure'.

Andy was exceedingly happy to see me. It's been a long time since a dog greeted me with the paw-dance & it honestly cheered me up. I gave him hugs & he was all smiles :) He's almost 3 years old now, weighs about 160lbs & is 6'1" from nose tip to tail tip. He's also about 3' tall at the shoulder. I could ride him - he's absolutely huge.

On the way home, we got stuck in the Spag bowl. One of the ramps is down to two lanes & we were watching this guy driving a silver Mercedes (take note - if you see a silver Mercedes with the Nevada license plate 'WRK NO MR', don't get behind him) texting someone. He's in heavy traffic, driving a fancy little Mercedes... and he's got his head down texting someone. I felt sorry for the people behind him. Rob felt it necessary to pull slightly ahead of the guy & proceed to partially merge into the left lane, effectively straddling the middle line. The guy in the Mercedes eventually looked up to see that traffic was way ahead of him (about 4 minutes after Rob pulled into the middle of the road) & squeezed into the left margin & passed Rob, slowed to a crawl & proceeded to text someone again. He probably told them, "Some asshole is straddling both lanes & I almost scraped the wall trying to get by him". I imagine all the people behind us were also banging their heads on their steering wheels, shouting vainly into their windshields, "Pick a lane!" or maybe, "Hey, those lines aren't a suggestion!" or maybe just, "Hey, look at that asshole driving down the middle of the fucking ramp!" Rob was merrily singing Dennis Leary's Asshole song to himself, too. I wasn't helping the situation any because I kept telling Rob to roll down his window & tell the guy behind the Mercedes that the driver was too busy texting to pay attention to traffic. Then, instead of being (or even acting) outraged when Rob straddled the center line I started snickering & ended up full-out giggling. I usually have to tell people not to encourage Rob, but sometimes I get a little out of hand myself. Rob got a fortune cookie earlier that said, "You will soon be the center of attention", so I think it's been amply fulfilled. Karma kicked in & our truck stalled on the off-ramp, but luckily we weren't still in the middle of the freakin' road, which made me giggle even more, especially when I started thinking about just how bad the fortune cookie curse could have been.

Rob's got the food poisoning I had last week, which probably means that it's not e. coli or salmonella - and it's probably not 'food poisoning' - it's probably a norovirus, and I probably brought it home from work last Tuesday night. Blegh. People are so fucking disgusting. The other morning, I was in one of the public restrooms at work & a slightly drunk chick was in the stall next to me. I got out first & went to wash my hands. She came out of the stall, watched me for a minute or two & walked out - without washing her hands. I was following her back through the casino & I saw her pull her cell phone out of her pocket, wipe her hand over the screen, punch numbers on it & then stick it up to her face. Eww eww ewww!!!
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Went to the hematologist today - no leukemia, no lymphoma, I'm still perfectly normal. I may start donating my white blood cells, though, since I've got more than I need on a regular basis. It's not even due to allergies - according to my chemistry, I don't have allergies or inflammation or a recent injury to my bone marrow system (the surgery, not exactly an injury). At least now my doctor can only pester me continually about my cholesterol ratio. Hah!

It's amazing what they can do with blood these days. Used to be it was all just whole blood & you never knew what you might end up when you got a transfusion. Unless a pregnant woman might have the rH factor, they don't blood-type people, unless maybe they still do it as routine pediatric care. I don't know (well, I used to know, I don't remember) what my blood type is - and no one cares, either. Now if you have to have a transfusion, they draw your blood & type it at the lab or in the emergency room, then they go through a detailed check-system with the blood they're going to give you where it's typed once at the storage facility & run through typing & instant analysis at the facility that's going to give it to you - once when it's received and once by the assistants to the surgeon or doctor who gives you the transfusion. To store a couple of bags of your own blood prior to surgery, the local blood banks charge you to draw it & charge a storage fee - like about $400 a month!

Jody got her results back - she hasn't been poisoned & her pain killers aren't causing her seizures. She got something called a 'neural EEG' to trace the problems in her nervous system. In a way, it would have been better if she did have arsenic poisoning or something like that because then they could fix the problem. If she's got something like MD or cerebral palsy or has developed epilepsy... that's something that can't be fixed - it can only be medicated.

I really should be working on my webpage. I've only got two more pages to do - the 'Entertainment' page & the 'Directory', other than some minor tweaking here & there. I decided that if next semester's 'Introduction to Programming' is another java class, I'm going to drop it & take the A+ certification for hardware. I was thinking about taking 5 classes, but I already did that this semester & ended up dropping two classes. I seem to be finding anything else to do with my time. I also have a math quiz and questions for chapter 12 in my Environmental Science. What am I doing instead? Watching Star Trek: Voyager re-runs... blogging... loading new pictures in my screen saver program... In other words, I'm not doing what I should be doing and I'm not really doing anything else, either. I'm screwing off.
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That's all, no more no less. One word meme.

1. Where is your cell phone? Bedroom.
2. Describe your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/lover? Dork.
3. Your hair? Comfortable.
4. Your mother? Dead.
5. Your father? Dead.
6. Your favourite item? Book.
7. Your dream last night? Odd.
8. Your favourite drink? Tea.
9. Your dream car? Solstice.
10. The room you are in? Dark.
11. Your ex? Imaginary.
12. Your fear? Living.
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? Retired.
14. Who did you hang out with last night? Rob.
15. What you're not? Whole.
19. The last thing you did? Typed.
20. What are you wearing? Flowy.
21. Your favourite book? Imajica
22. The last thing you ate? Elavil.
23. Your life? Ephemeral.
24. Your mood? Annoyed.
25. Your friends? Serpents.
26. What are you thinking about right now? Sex. (Thanks, whoever I stole this from :P)
7. Your car? Truck.
28. What are you doing at the moment? Typing.
29. Your summer? Fiery.
30. Your relationship status? Married.
31. What is on your tv? Darkness.
32. When is the last time you laughed? Earlier.
33. Last time you cried? Moons.
34. School? Skipped!

I'm currently working on my Web Development project, and I think I gave myself more tedious busywork than I intended. I wish I could get away w/using PageMaker or DreamWeaver or some other web design program. I finally decided on an Insider's Guide to Las Vegas, with mostly tips for choosing a hotel & enjoying your choice. One page is a directory, which is basically a list of hotels from the What'sOn magazine, including addresses, basic location, phone numbers & links to the web pages for the individual hotels, along w/some shopping, attractions, dining, etc. You get the bland, basic picture. I have discovered, though, that making tables is boring. Especially when it's got 84 little boxes to fill in. It's all so very, very repetitious & cut/paste is only good for one thing at a time. I'd like a macro that just inserts non-breaking spaces into my lines for me. And line-breaks, too. Little buttons I could push that just say "Insert Non-Breaking Space" & "Insert Line Break". And I wish that my notepad would auto-fill in the rest of the tag for hyper-links, not just being able to copy/paste web addresses & having to add all the other crap myself. For some reason, my table is also off-center to my background. I've got a narrow margin on the left & a wide margin on the right.

We pretty much gave up our entire tax refund so I could get this knee surgery - and we still are going to owe an ass-load of cash. Our credit cards are constantly maxed out & I'm taking time off work, too, which means short paychecks when I go back. But I just never say anything to Jody other than, "Sorry I can't help, hon". If I complained even once, she'd launch into an endless tirade about Rob not working, and I hear enough of that crap from his mother. Me & Rob are at this odd standstill. We'll never get ahead, and I never put forth any effort to save money because I feel like if I show him how disciplined I can be with money, he'll have even more of a reason to stay at home on the couch. I just always complain to him about the bills being so high, wondering where the money goes, etc... and when he talks about getting out of here, I tell him it'll probably never happen because we just can't afford it. I've even mentioned the possibility of us giving up & agreeing to buy this house from his mom because we're probably going to be stuck here til she dies. In fact, she'll probably outlive us both so we'll just be stuck paying her rent til we die, but at least my social security & pension from the Union should be enough for Rob to get by on til then (as long as I go first). I know, it's a lot of passive-aggressive gameplaying, and nothing ever gets accomplished, but I just don't feel like being a nag. Nag, nag, nag. Go to work, go to work, go to work... nagging til the day we're both bitter and hateful, and still not being able to get away from each other.

I did have an odd dream last night (well, yesterday afternoon, back on the grave shedule after a week of drugged hiatus). I was working in a small convenience store. No one expected me to wipe down counters or stock or count cigarettes, so I know it was a dream (I worked one day in a Rebel gas station - oy!), but this woman (who I think was Jody) came in to buy cigarettes. She was bitching that we didn't have her brand & she only had 60 silver, when the packs we did have were 1 gold, 60 silver. (Obviously, Warcraft has colored my monetary system to an extent). Anyway, she hollered out the door to some guy in a car that not only did we not have her brand, but we were overcharging her for the ones we did have & she needed more money. I remember thinking that out of all the horrible polyester work uniforms I've ever worn, this gas station's was the most comfortable because it was basically an oversized smock & black cotton biker shorts.

Every time I've called or talked to Jody in the past coupla weeks, she immediately launches into this tirade about not having any money, how their bank account is being closed down, how their car is going to get repossessed, they have no food or groceries, she's lost a bunch of weight because she's starving so Brad can eat... and I keep telling her, "Sorry, I'm broke, too". (I'd have no problem going & buying them some groceries, but I'm kind of incapacitated right now & Rob hasn't gathered up the balls to go to the grocery store himself yet). Then she starts talking about wanting to go back to school to get a psychology degree... but of course, that's on her list of many things she can't afford. I don't think at this point she could even do the work, especially not with on-line classes. Since she's been taking all these muscle relaxants & pain killers, most of the time she's even more incoherent than she's always been, she's gotten shaky and she can barely spell or type. She needs so much help just living her daily life - she needs a nursemaid or something, and neither me nor Terry can give her what she really needs. Yeah, grabbing onto Rob like he was some sort of flotation device to get me out of her house was not the best one of my decisions, but thinking about it now, there's a strong possibility that I'd still be living with Jody, only now I'd be taking care of her full-time. She'd also probably still be living with Tom, & Jamie & Miranda would probably both be in the big, sinking ship with them, instead of making it out alive to have their own lives.

I'm just getting tired of gambling, really. This knee surgery became even more of a gamble once the doctor decided on the microfracture method instead of the transplant. All the time & money I'm dumping into school is seeming more & more like a bad investment. I don't know if I'll be able to recoup my spending once I have the degree... so many places want more than a piece of paper, they want experience backing it up, and I'm stuck at the Excalibur, where the only experience I have is in Excel. I'm still getting older, too, and if my leg doesn't heal right, I'll be crippled on top of it. At least the rest of my body isn't so sore & 'sprung' from the crutches.

Ah well, dark nights of the soul always happen on Tuesday mornings at 5am. Unfortunately, Blizzard started weekly maintenance at 3 this morning, so my dark night of the soul started a little earlier than normally scheduled. Back to "a href'ing" my way across Las Vegas.
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Everything went well today. The office was terrifically un-crowded. It's a combination office - gynecology, urology & some other -ology. Oncology? Internal medicine, maybe? I don't know what the third & fourth doctors did, but it isn't too important, really. What's important is that I was in & out of there in an hour. Hopefully, this woman won't move to some other state within the next year. Considering my family history, she started pushing for me to get a mammogram - I was like, hey, hold on there - I've got a little over 2 years before I'm 35 - I can wait to get my breasts squarshed into pancakes.

I asked about the HPV (Human Papillomavirus) vaccination & the doctor informed me that they only give it to girls & women from ages 9 - 26. Weird. However, I did ask for the test, which is a new addition to the PAP process. I just read a coupla articles that said in order for the vaccine to be effective, one cannot have had previous exposure to HPV - even if one didn't catch it.

Jody called today, wanting to know about & Every suggestion I made to her was countered with 'I don't have interview clothes', 'we have 4 NSF's - I don't have a clothes budget', or 'it's unfair that every job runs a credit check, we have 4 NSF's'... In other words, she wants $$$. I'm already running my life on Keynesian economics, I can't support her, too. A Wal-Mart gift card isn't going to do it for her right now - she needs money for her rubber check problem. I finally told her I wasn't going to sit & listen to her whine about being broke & told her to go to some of the temp agencies because they usually don't care what you look like as long as you're willing to cough up half of your first couple of paychecks.

CCSN sent me a nice form letter to let me know they are concerned with my educational future and want to see me succeed. It's nice to know I'm more than my student number for them **coughsarcasmcough**


Feb. 2nd, 2006 02:46 am
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Met Jody's latest cat addition tonight. Her name's Autumn, and she's a black & orange brindle. She's neutered & declawed, and some motherfucker dumped her out in the desert near Bonnie Springs to fend for herself.

Now, I normally don't care one way or the other about cats. I like to pet animals, and most people I know (myself, Jody, Lisa) all have the knack of attracting cats-that-aren't-cats, or cats with personalities. Autumn is no exception. For one, she is utterly friendly. The day Jody found her, she walked up to Jody looking for attention. At one point tonight she was laying on the couch between me & Jody, one front paw on Jody's hip, her back paw on my thigh. She kept patting Jody, purring & letting me rub her belly. No cat really likes to be rolled onto its back & have its belly scruffled, but Autumn is all up for it. Whenever I'd stop petting her, she'd kick me w/her back leg & look up at me like, "Why'd you stop?" She will let you hold her on her back, cradled in your arm like an infant, all four paws up in the air. She lets you touch her back paws. She lets you touch all her paws - she's a touchy, feely, pawwy cat anyway. She'll grab your hand & rub your fingers on her head.

In other words, she's got personality. She's weird, but she's such a loving animal. I cannot believe someone would just throw her away.

Autumn does have one small problem. If you get tired of her endless, abundant love & affection & push her off onto the floor or away from you, she runs over to her food bowl, gobbles food down & then pukes. She's got some serious rejection issues. This behavior has given her that kind of bloated look that cats with tummy problems get. I suggested maybe some kind of anti-anxiety medication, something along the lines of low-dose valium. Another suggestion was to only put food down during a regular feeding time, which isn't exactly fair to Andy (the dog) or Taz (the other cat) because they're used to having dry stuff available all the time & if her food bowl isn't accessible when she freaks out, she will raid their dishes & do the same thing.

I had cat in my lap for like 4 hours tonight. Every time I'd start thinking about how sweet she was, I'd get so pissed at her former owner. When Miranda gets settled in to her new apartment & has a regular schedule, she's taking Autumn home for Malachi, because it's a love/love relationship there - Autumn loves Malachi & Malachi, in his baby way, loves Autumn. At least Autumn didn't die of thirst or starvation or get eaten by a coyote - she found people who will take care of her for years & years, and that's a good thing.

Andy - is - huge. He's 16 months old, stands a good 3 1/2' at the shoulder, is 6'1" from nose to tail-tip, and about 150lbs. Everyone always says, "look, it's a wolf!" when they see him, and he is a hybrid, but I think his pure whiteness prevents me from seeing wolf in him at all - I see big fucking white German Shepherd. His winter fat & fur make him look like he's got no neck.

On another note, I tried the Salvia again last night. I was in the bathtub reading Clive Barker's 'Abarat: Days of Magic, Nights of War'. I think I either got a dud batch or it just doesn't work for me. The only thing I noticed was some spatial distortion - my feet seemed way far away in the tub, and the images in my head of what I was reading were clearer than normal.


Feb. 1st, 2006 07:08 pm
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Jody is such a thorn in my side this week... she never calls just to talk. She called me at work on Saturday night to whine about her job and her bills... She's in debt up to her eyeballs & part of it is to a couple of those paycheck advance places. She, of all people, should know better. So she whines, "Well, when you don't have any money and no groceries, what else are you supposed to do?" My reply? "Call me." Me & Rob will never want for food. We may not have any cash, but we always have groceries. Anytime we are strapped for cash and can't make it to my next payday, all we have to do is go to his parents & they will slip us $20 or $40 or let us raid the pantry. They are always dropping canned goods & cereal & stuff off. Bottled water, etc. So I went & bought her beans & rice & I've got some frozen dinners that Rob won't eat & I don't have time to try & cook in our low-powered microwave. I looked at microwaves, but even in Wally world (where, as a Union member, I shouldn't even be shopping there, but where else can you get cheap-ass stuff at 4am?) microwaves are still over $30... anyway... Bonnie Springs really hurt Jody's feelings. She's kind of stuck though - she can't just quit because the minute she turns in her two-week notice they will evict her. She can't scrape together deposits for an apartment. I doubt if Terry will put her, Brad & the animals up for any length of time, and Jody probably doesn't want to put up w/the continual lectures & reprimands & judgmental crap from Terry anyway. So she's looking for part-time work to try & pay off her monumental bills so she can scrape together said deposits... and trying to find some kind of part-time job that will let her work on her schedule because of only having one car? Good luck with that... I don't know. I have no advice for her, but I can take her some rice & beans & Ramen.

All I know is this: She can't stay here.
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Looks like Lisa's probably on her way to the delivery room. Hope everything comes out o.k.

We let Andy in for bits & pieces of time... I've taught him how to play tug-of-war w/an old dish towel or pillowcase. Of course, w/the way Jody keeps house, he's going to have plenty to do - dirty laundry, socks, blankets, pillows, you name it. He snatched the towels out of my hand & treated them like dead rodents, shaking his head back & forth & then standing on one end w/his huge paws & riiiiipppppping up w/his head. And Gods forbid you try & take the rags away - he tried to bite my hand off a couple of times. I just don't want him shitting string.

I was sitting here, reading some of the posts on PsychCentral, trying to get a feel for a therapy session, and Andy came over to me & started whining & biting my arm, trying to get me to play w/him. He didn't do much damage - I'm pretty bruised up on both arms & he clobbered me w/a 150lb paw & then bit my thigh when we were playing tug-of-war.

Alea got employee-of-the-month. No one on graveyard has gotten e.o.t.m. for about 2 1/2 years, so we're pretty happy for her. She's getting presented w/her e.o.t.m. badge on Monday.
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Well, Pahrump is pretty much cut off from the rest of the civilized world. The Goodsprings wildfire has caused the closure of the 159/160. They had to evacuate the brothels. We've got Jody's dog Andy - he's freaking huge. He's not even a year old, so technically he's still a puppy, but damn! He weighs something like 135lbs. Jody, Brad & her cats may end up here, too, which we're praying doesn't happen. If Bonnie Springs Ranch burns down, we're going to be stuck w/them. Brad & Rob don't exactly get along (big surprise) and we can't have cats & dogs here for any extended period of time. It's like, we just got Alex's car & crap moved out & had the house to ourselves again... Ah well. I lived w/Jody for a few years, I guess I can throw her a week or so. This is just a fantastically bad time. I don't have the nerves for this & it could get ugly.

Heh, just dripped watermelon juice all over my kb.

I've been reading over the past two years of journal entries, seeing the patterns of my life unfold in front of me. I've had some fascinating dreams over the past two years.
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Birthday:New Year's Eve
Birthplace:Fontana, CA
Current Location:My living room.
Eye Color:Hazel
Hair Color:Black
Height:5' 3 1/4"
Right Handed or Left Handed:Mostly right
Your Heritage:.16c & a car in impound in Washington
The Shoes You Wore Today:My broken black smelly sandals
Your Weakness:Sunflower seeds
Your Fears:The closet monster
Your Perfect Pizza:Cheese & bread
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:Not get 'downsized'
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:'I'm just peachy'
Thoughts First Waking Up:Thoughts?
Your Best Physical Feature:My breasts
Your Bedtime:9am
Your Most Missed Memory:If I knew which memory I missed, I wouldn't be missing it, now would I?
Pepsi or Coke:Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:Neither... Samurai Sams
Single or Group Dates:Single dates, group sex
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:Brewed sun tea, ONLY!
Chocolate or Vanilla:Neopolitan
Cappuccino or Coffee:Coffee, hot, strong & black
Do you Smoke:Sometimes
Do you Swear:Depends on how much I'm getting poked at the time
Do you Sing:Sometimes
Do you Shower Daily:Sometimes twice
Have you Been in Love:Nope
Do you want to go to College:Not anymore
Do you want to get Married:I didn't want to get married when I did, but there are insurance benefits to think about
Do you belive in yourself:Nope, I'm a figment of my husband's imagination
Do you get Motion Sickness:Nope
Do you think you are Attractive:Nope
Are you a Health Freak:Nope
Do you get along with your Parents:Yup - they're dead, so now I can ignore them completely
Do you like Thunderstorms:ohh yes
Do you play an Instrument:Used to play several
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:Yup
In the past month have you Smoked:Yup
In the past month have you been on Drugs:Yup
In the past month have you gone on a Date:Nope
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:Yup
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:If the 'golden' 'Oops Oreos' count...
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:Nope
In the past month have you been on Stage:Oh Hel no!
In the past month have you been Dumped:Nope... dumped on, but not dumped
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:Does bathing count?
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:Nope
Ever been Drunk:Uh, yeah
Ever been called a Tease:That's one distinction I could never earn
Ever been Beaten up:Yup. You shoulda seen the other guy.
Ever Shoplifted:Heh.
How do you want to Die:By my own hand
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:Angelina Jolie
What country would you most like to Visit:One that speaks English & has indoor plumbing & safe water
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:Green
Favourite Hair Color:Deep red
Short or Long Hair:Medium
Height:Taller than me
Weight:Doesn't matter, really
Best Clothing Style:Comfortable ones
Number of Drugs I have taken:Ah, the rare jewels of chemistry I have sampled...
Number of CDs I own:Too many
Number of Piercings:Not enough
Number of Tattoos:Not enough
Number of things in my Past I Regret:Nothing! I regret Nothing!


Jody has asked me to help her put together a baby shower for Miranda. I haven't even seen Miranda in years... and I really think she's got the wrong person. I know it's just because I usually have a small amount of liquid finance laying around, but she's asking me to be involved w/the whole thing... Last night I told her 'Don't push me too far, or I will snap. I will bring plastic & paper utensils, and some chicken wings. I will buy a onesie or something of that nature. But that's as far as it goes. No clothespin games, no pin the diaper on the baby... chicken wings, get it?!" When I said I would snap, everyone at work turned around & looked at me, perhaps fearing that I would indeed snap right then & there... I had to put Jody on hold & reassure them that it wasn't work-related & I wasn't going to go postal at that very second. After having to watch me watch Shirla do audit the night before, I can't blame them.
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Sunday: Slept. Ran Errands.

Monday: Went to L. A., saw BodyWorlds & the La Brea Tarpits

Tuesday: Went to the day job

Wednesday: Went to the day job

Thursday: Slept.

Friday: Went to mall, Bought 'Hidalgo' for the mother-in-law's birthday

Saturday: Went up to Jody, took her turkey, which took a lot of willpower to not eat ourselves. I am a dangerously good cook... Met Andy, Jody's so-called 'puppy'. He's freakin' huge - another wolf hybrid (of course, Jody won't learn that lesson...), she claims that he's 4 months old, but he's already 60lbs. & stands hip-tall on me. He lost another tooth while we were there, tho - bloody mess all over the place. And we saw 2 ravens (also huge) while we were leaving. Hopefully the new camera actually worked.

Sunday: Went to in-laws, gave mom-in-law her b-day card & present. Came home.

And at the butt crack o'dawn tomorrow, it's back to the day job.

Ho Hum

Sep. 18th, 2004 08:59 am
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Jody called me at work last night to inform me that Miranda is probably pregnant. She's had a skipped period (well, she can't remember exactly when her last period was) & a positive EPT. She'll probably be going to the doctor next week for a formal pregnancy test, & then to the welfare office (of course... where else do pregnant women go? Yes, yes, bad Karma on me, phooey - I work at Child Haven, I know how pregnant women think. More of my tax dollars at work). So much for her school & her basketball scholarships. Jody doesn't even seem very happy about the prospects. She's got a new puppy (Andy) & she said that he was there to remind her that she just doesn't have the patience for puppies & babies any more. I didn't even think to ask her what Tom thinks about the whole thing. And Miranda's ex-boyfriend (who assaulted her earlier this year) is the father - he told Miranda "Just because my dad abandoned me doesn't mean I'm going to do the same to my baby." But he's already missed a job interview up at the ranch w/out so much as a phone call, so Jody's not expecting too much from him. I didn't expect it to be Miranda, I figured it would be Jamie first. Dane & Tina already have their kids, which everyone expected. Jody was surprised that I didn't guess Miranda was pregnant right off - I never really expected it out of Jamie or Miranda, to be truthful. They both seem so focused on school & work, & Miranda's still hung up on her dad.

Saw Jeff briefly this morning. I actually miss him. Ugh. Have weird thoughts about him on occasion. I ought to do a hex-breaker but it's kind of interesting to feel weirdly about someone. I haven't felt weirdly about someone since I was a teenager.

Sarah got her nipple pierced - I don't feel weirdly about her at all ;)

Still trying to plan this whole BodyWorlds shebang. Trying to get Ann down to L.A. for the day w/us. It probably won't work out - she's very wishywashy.

Been reading Dion Fortune's 'The Goat Foot God'. It's basically a companion to 'The Sea Priestess' & 'Moon Magic'. Instead of a disillusioned man assisting a woman to connect with the Goddess, it's a disillusioned man trying to connect w/his inner Pan. It's been pretty interesting. Has a crotchety old bookseller in it, one of those, "Are you going to buy that book, sonny, or do I need to stand here all day?" kind of booksellers.

Finally went to that freakin' diversity class yesterday morning. Talked Molly out of a breakfast comp - the Excalibur's food isn't so bad when it's freshly cooked. Anyway, I heard some surprising statistics...
1) Approx. 70% of the world's population is illiterate, & only 1% has a college education. So it's not just me, most of the world really is stupid.
2) Only about 1% of the world's population owns a computer. If this is true, where do all the people on the internet come from?
3) 70% of the world's population is not Christian. Woohoo, I'm not a minority anymore!!!

Autumn is definitely creeping in on us on golden paws... the light's shifting, that underlying chill in the air, Rob's in the rutting mood. Things are starting to slip around the corners of my eyes, just out of sight, little noises & shifty sounds around the house & night audit office. The Veil is slowly but surely starting to thin. I'm getting all happy inside as the days slip by.


Aug. 15th, 2004 08:04 am
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Sitting here at the night job, thinking about destiny & Karma. The forces that bind us to whatever we’re doing at the moment. Some Universal record-keeper has determined that, for whatever clockwork reason, I should be sitting here at the Excalibur Hotel in Las Vegas, NV at 4:12am PDT, typing & watching for room & tax to post.
I started working here 3 years & 8 months ago, with the full intent of becoming Head Night Auditor. And I am, so in a way I’ve at least achieved a goal. But why? Why would the Universe be this kind to me? Well, maybe 3 years & 8 months ago, the clock started ticking for changes to occur in Nora’s life. Maybe I needed to be here because if it wasn’t for me being a competent & willing person, Nora would have felt honor-bound to keep her job and continue working here even though she’s going through an emotional breakdown. And if it wasn’t me, then another competent & willing person would have been arranged to fill the role. 2 years from Front Desk Clerk to Relief Auditor, another year to Head Night Auditor. I think I was cast in the role purposefully, though, because it feels like this is what I’m supposed to be doing at this moment. But even if I didn’t feel like it was what I was supposed to be doing, it would still be what I was supposed to be doing, mainly because here I am, doing it.
One of my co-workers, Kelly, always has to pay attention to what other people are doing (or not doing). She’s one of the first to resent people who are standing around not doing anything, especially when there’s a line & a certain clutch of young girls are standing around, usually with their backs to the line, talking. For some reason, Kelly’s got a very strong sense of “if I’m working, everyone else should be working, too”. Not because it’s universally fair or right, but because she feels like they are robbing her of something. Kelly hasn’t gotten it through her head that she could stand around & talk, too. She doesn’t have to work the line like an automaton while others slack. She also doesn’t understand something that only recently occurred to me. They are there to talk to one another, Kelly is there to work the line. They’re all doing what they’re supposed to be doing at that moment.
It’s a perfected system, one the Universe has been working with since the dawn of time. I don’t really believe in coincidence – nothing is coincidental, it’s all meant to happen when it happens. I was writing an inmate awhile back, and he eventually got on my nerves & we quit writing one another. He had asked me to replace a watch battery for him at one point, and I lost the original. It was a tiny watch battery – miniscule, really. The other day, Rob was cleaning & the battery turned up from whatever house lare had done away with it in the first place. Even though I have stopped writing him, I went ahead & replaced the battery & sent it to him, not out of any sense of obligation but because it was what I was supposed to do at that time.
I think it was Thunder’s death that got me thinking. Jody’s beau is in jail up in Oregon. There’s a chance that he’s going to have to serve 3 years probation. It used to be that people could serve probation out of state, but the laws have changed, so even though Brad has Jody, a home & a job here in Las Vegas, the courts of Oregon may still force him to serve his term up there. Jody was hesitant to move because Thunder’s hips had gotten so bad. He finally got to the point where every step was torture – and in a way, I think his soul let go so Jody would be free of the responsibility of taking care of him. Now, even though there’s a good chance she’ll be getting another puppy in the next couple of weeks, an extended car ride w/a healthy puppy is a lot easier than one with a dog w/ailing hips.
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My sister had to have her dog, Thunder, put to sleep yesterday. He was 10 years old & a very good dog. His hips didn't hold up to his lifestyle, tho. We'll all miss him greatly, especially Jody. We're going to pick up his ashes today for her, & then she's going to turn him loose in the desert so he can chase jackrabbits to his heart's content.
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Ok, scorpions are slowly becoming upgraded from "cute" to "nuisance". I found a wee small baby scorpion in my kitchen, next to my foot. Why are they always next to my feet when I see them? And this sucker is not even as long as my pinky finger. I tried to catch it alive, but it went off the piece of paper & under the baseboard of the sink, so I pulled out the chemical arsenal & its corpse now resides in an empty "Folgers Instant Decaf" jar. I wrote an email to the Dept. of Fish & Wildlife to see if there is somewhere I can go to get a positive I.D. on the species, & at least now I have a specimen.
Saw Seal at Club Rain in the Palms Hotel & Casino tonight. Took my oldest sister, and yes, she embarrassed me. Even more so because she was drunk & now has my problem - she drinks, gets hot, & took off her shoes in the cafe' afterward. Oh well, what are ya gonna do? Seal was fantastic, and the club itself is great as far as sound systems go, but the vantage viewpoints were lacking. Seal is an amazing artist, he's got such incredible energy and power to his voice... he opened w/"Crazy" & closed w/"Bring It On". I actually find that I like most of his other stuff better than I like "Kiss From a Rose". Especially the one that goes, "Solitary sister..."
Drinks were horrendously expensive, but there was an attendant in the restroom to give you mints & paper towels.


Nov. 16th, 2003 08:46 am
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Jody calls me last night because Jamie's cat, Fluffy, has gone to the great Mousing Ground in the sky. Jamie's had that cat for 13 years, & she just turned 20. Pretty amazing. She's really distraught about it, and Terry has turned this whole thing into a new & exciting way to emotionally rake Jody over the coals. Drama. I've got to get Jamie a condolence card today so Jody can give it to her.
Jody & I are going to see Seal tonight. Seal is an interesting person. He had lupus as a child, which is why he has such extensive scarring. Whenver I listen to him, I think, "Gee, he's sort of a black Peter Gabriel", which is unfair to Seal because he is sort of original & all, but I form these loose associations...
Tried to tell Josh about Aleister Crowley & his impact on my spiritual life. Crowley had this amazingly dark sense of humor that very few people recognize. Crowley was a coyote person fer sure. A kindred spirit in the desert of the soul.
And Eric called Jody to tell her he'd be coming to Vegas in March, & he plans on making me call in sick to go out w/them. In March. So Jody calls me all excited & tells me I need to plan for time off. In March. Eric will be out here about a week before I get my vacation seniority, so if he wants me to venture forth on a Thur/Fri/or Sat, he's going to be disappointed. Of course, March is a looong way off. A lot can change between now & then. He also said he doesn't have my phone number, just my address, but could he drop me a postcard saying, "Yo, bitch, I don't have your phone number"? Noooooo. But I've got his number and I will call him... sheesh. I wish he'd come home already instead of playing in the snow.
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Last night my oldest sis called me, distraught, in pain. I'm her guiding star when it comes to things magickal & mysterious, so I sat & listened because, to be perfectly honest, what else did I have to do for 2 1/2 hrs last night?
Anyway, two friends of hers were killed on the highway late Monday nite - a man, his wife & their best friend were chasing down a runaway dog & ended up getting hit by a car - only the woman survived, the dog basically died in her arms & she saw her husband of 1 yr. & their best friend die. I didn't really get all the details, but essentially, my sister (her name's Jody, btw) knew that something was going to happen to her friend Jim before he saw his daughter's 1st birthday.
Jody's feeling pretty guilty right now because this particular couple has also created a lot of grief for a lot of people that work & live on the ranch, including Jody & her beau. So a part of Jody, that mean, "you'll get yours eventually, the Wheel of Karma turns for everyone, buddy" part of her, didn't want Jody to warn the guy to be careful. So now that this tragedy has happened, she's put herself over the rack of self-abuse. She can't accept that part of herself because deep down, Jody wants to be a healer & a wise counselor. Jody also is one of those people who lets everyone take & take from her, expecting nothing in return, never saying no, to the detriment of her physical, mental & emotional health. I don't work under the same guidelines exactly because I believe in human nature. Sometimes we all fall prey to our lower, more selfish instincts, and these people were endangering Jody & Brad's home & income, so in my own way I told her, "Hey, sometimes you have to do what's best for yourself & fuck everyone else."
It's an age-old dilemma - if you see something coming, do you say something? Working in the public for the past 2 years, I've seen a lot of things about a lot of people, mostly people I don't know and will never see again. Because I'm a front desk clerk, and I don't like to intrude on other people's lives and space, I usually don't say anything, or I veil it in pleasantries. I tell them to drive carefully, I wish them a safe trip, I tell them to watch out for traffic because people are nuts on Friday nights & Monday mornings... but only once or twice have I ever been more specific, and usually it's because I feel someone may be receptive or because I'm the only one at the counter & my guest is the only one in line. I guess I try to be discreet, try not to embarrass anyone in public, try not to embarrass myself. My coworkers are different - they all know I'm Pagan, they all know I'm a little weird, a little psychic... but they all know I tell the truth and I'm not out to hurt anyone. I'm comfortable letting them know, "Hey, did you turn your stove off, man? Maybe you ought to call home?" But I also get offended when strangers walk up to me in various public places & say things to me like, "I read your aura and I strongly think you should go in for an ovarian biopsy." (which has happened to me, in a Psychic Eye out here...)(She was awful darn pushy about it, too.)
Now, if someone makes the horrible mistake of ASKING for a psychic reading, mostly via Tarot cards... well, that's their own fault. I don't mince words & I tell 'em like I see 'em. "Your life sucks and til you drop the weed, you aint goin' nowhere. O, btw, that kid aint yours."


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