A day or two before my surgery, I did a one-card draw from my Goddess Oracle deck, and received Abundantia, a Roman Goddess similar to Demeter or Ceres. Abundantia is more along the lines of the bounty of the harvest whereas Demeter and Ceres are the grains themselves. I'm always a tad skeptical when I draw Abundantia because money is always scarce.
I worry constantly about money, about what will happen if I lose my job, or we go broke, or can't pay the bills. I lived in poverty for the first 20 or so years of my life, and it's sort of embedded in my mentality and emotions. Lexapro kind of helped me break out of the cycle of actively worrying and having cyclical money anxieties, but that starving wolf is always lurking in the background of my mind. Granted, we usually have enough money to cover the necessities, and Rob's folks do help us out when we are in dire straits, but we live pretty close to the bone for the most part. Going out to a fancy restaurant, or going to a show (yeah, right, as if I would actually go to any of the shows out here - the average ticket price to see even a mediocre comic or magician is around $60 per person. Whenever I do fork out money for a 'show', it's a concert), or the movies usually means sacrificing groceries, so we don't do it.
When I was preparing for my leave of absence, I withdrew myself from the active Union roster so they wouldn't try to pull dues out of non-existent paychecks. At the same time, they sent me a form for disability benefits. I had my doc fill out his part of the form, and I filled in my part of the form. The top section of the form was for the HR representative to fill out. It consisted of my name, employee ID#, dates of my leave and I think my social security number or something. To save time I filled it in, even though it said 'for office use only'. When I took it to HR, the agent refused to accept it because I had filled in the top part. Oh fucking well, I screwed up. I didn't really have the time or inclination to request a new form, have the doc fill it out again, and make the trek back to work - and I was a little pissed off at myself and the HR rep. Rob tried to push me into it, but I was like, "fuck the HR rep & the horse she rode in on, so I lost out on some smidgen of money that I probably won't see til my leave is over". End of story.
Whenever Rob or I use our health insurance, we get these Explanation of Benefits forms that tells me exactly how much money the medical visit or procedure cost, how much the Union covers, and what my share to pay is. They very rarely contain any pertinent information, and they're not bills. I've gotten so used to seeing these things that most of the time, I just throw them away. I've been opening them recently because when Rob went to the ER, we received a bill for the entire amount, and later received an EOB stating the event wouldn't be covered unless we sent in the ER reports (my insurance wants to make sure any visit to the ER is 'medically necessary'. In other words, if I or Rob go to the ER w/gas pains, thinking it's a heart attack, I have to pay for that motherfucker). So since we're still getting Rob's bills, I've been opening the EOBs instead of chucking them. As a result, I've had a stack of them sitting on my desk for the past three or four weeks that I just hadn't gotten around to opening.
I had to reinstall McAfee last night, and the Dragon Cave was down for regularly scheduled maintenance, so I had some downtime. I started going through the EOBs. One looked kind of funny because instead of saying 'Explanation of Benefits' it said 'Explanation of Disability Benefits'. I tossed it in the trash can & then had a "Wait, what?!" moment because when it landed in the trash it landed check-side up. Needless to say, I started opening and actually reading those EOB forms & found another check for the first week of my leave.
Some way, some how, my disability benefit request was filed and approved. I don't know how or who, but it occurred to me that the card with the Goddess Abundantia was still sitting on my nightstand.
I get the feeling that I've been praying to the wrong Gods my entire life.