perzephone: (Tree of Life)
Reading taken from The Kabbalah Tree: A Journey of Balance & Growth by Rachel Pollack

There are 4 'worlds' or levels to the QBLH. Like the Sephiroth & pathways of the Kabbalistic Tree of Life, each level has its own associations and colors and experiences associated with it, and as a whole can be quite complex. Each realm is an emanation of the world above it, and a section of the Tree of Life is apportioned to each realm. Even though a section of the Tree is said to emanate from each realm, each realm also contains its own entire tree within it.

I've used the four worlds as a meditative and visualization device, but haven't worked with them as a concrete idea. While one can, at a stretch, associate various mundane activities or experiences of the mundane world to the higher worlds there is only one that is the actual 'real' world. The others are closer to the spiritual, intangible world, and connecting to them as a physical being is the hard part.

The four worlds are Atziluth (also spelled Atzilut), Beriah (Briah), Yetzirah (Yetsirah) & Assiyah (Assiah).

Atziluth is the 'highest' realm, closest to being pure divine energy. Kether, Binah and Chokmah emanate from Atziluth. Atziluth is considered masculine as it is active and projects everything else from it. Going into Judeo-Christian symbology, it is the 'Light' in 'Let there be Light!'. Without it, darkness would still be upon the waters. This is the source of the Tetragrammaton, YHVH and sacred names. The initial Yod of YHVH.

Beriah is the next world. It is the world of pure intellect and ideas - everything here is unformed and still in the planning stages. Chesed, Geburah and Tiphareth emanate from Briah. The Archangels dwell here. The initial Heh.

Yetzirah is the Astral Plane. Everything exists here, waiting to be born into the physical. It is the source of archetypes, the Collective Unconscious, and everything is symbolic. Netzach, Hod and Yesod emanate from Yetzirah. Regular ol' angels live here. Vau/Vav

Assiyah has but one sephirah, Malkuth, the Earth itself. It is the physical world, our world. Form is given flesh, ideas are manifested. The finial Heh.

The four suits and Court Cards of the Tarot are attributed to the four realms - Wands/Kings/Atziluth, Cups/Queens/Beriah, Swords/Knights/Yetzirah, Pentacles/Pages/Assiyah.

This is all over-simplified to give the Tarot reading some backbone, lol. I don't even know why I decided to do this reading, because it's been a long time since I delved into the four realms, and I'm not sure how to apply the cards to the reading, or how to apply the symbolism to myself.

My question: Who am I, and why am I here?

Who am I?
The Tower
So in the formless, primordial Light of Atziluth, I am the Destroyer of Worlds. Nice. I call The Tower 'shaken foundations'. It's usually a revelation of something so devastating or life-changing that it rocks the foundations of the querent to the core. In my recent pathworking, I've found myself adding bits & pieces to my notes on the cards, and it came to me that The Tower is a good symbol of people or cultures or societies that rely on single things for survival - like monoculture farming. If that one thing is removed or destroyed, it leads to collapse.

Why am I here? IV of Swords, reversed
Opposition, Unrest, Avarice, Circumspection, Precaution, Testimony, Quarantine, Depression. Long illness. Forced isolation. Possible imprisonment or hospitalization. Good opportunities. Tread carefully & use discretion. Familial problems. Make no promises. Renewed activity. Social unrest. Other people bring renewing energy to Seeker. Sleeping Beauty's Prince Charming. Failure of peaceful negotiation. Excommunication. Plans of revenge manifest themselves in daydreams.

Who am I?
IV of Pentacles, reversed
In the world of conception and ideas, I fail.
Opposition, Delay, Spendthrift, Shortsightedness, Stasis, Loss, Obstacles. Inability to delegate authority. Clinging to old ways. Avoiding action for fear of loss. Make new plans. Inability to hold life together or give it meaning.

Why am I here? V of Cups, reversed
Hope, Meeting, Ancestry. Unexpected anxieties & unforeseen problems. Unwanted changes to way of life. Things are looking up. New courage. Consider new job or home. Build new ideas or plans. New alliances. Return of old flame. Courage in the face of obstacles. False projects. Relationship not working out as hoped. Remorse. Disappointment.

Who am I?
X of Wands
This one is pretty straight-forward. This is who I am.
Jadedness, Exhaustion, Despair, Disguise, Pressure, Changes, Overwork, Burdens, Responsibilities, Resentfulness. Do not carry every one else's burdens. Succumbing before the onslaught of inevitable forces. Difficulties of success. Burden of worry. One who carries an oppressive load. Weak heart, loss of spirit. Ruined plans. Dark before the dawn. Hope based on the ability to imagine a better situation. Willingness to do everything & anything to make a situation work. Being paralyzed by overwork & heavy responsibility, sometimes as an excuse to avoid doing anything truly constructive, including getting out of a bad situation. Inability to disseminate responsibility among others. Perseverance to meet impossible goals. Overburdened. Searching.

Why am I here? Death
In Yetzirah, I am here to change.

Who am I?
Ace of Cups
Joy, Peace, Health, Inspiration, Contentment, Gifts, Birth, Receptivity, Pleasure, Happiness. Emotional fulfillment. Getting in touch with your roots. Beginning of a relationship or friendship, possibly a wedding leading to a happy marriage. Beginning of all good things. New understanding of a spiritual matter. House of the true heart. Inner light. Changes result in happiness. Love affair. Attend to small details. Womb of life. First true intimacy in a love relationship. Heart or third eye opening up. Beginning of love & pleasure. Influence of the Great Mother or being blessed by any of the love-related deities. Richness of feeling. Fertility.

Why am I here? King of Wands, reversed
Sounds like my parents.
Someone who is narrow-minded, Quarrelsome, Unreasonable, Seeking Out or Creating Battles or Opposition. Frustration, Indecision, Discord, Brutality, Rupture, Dissension, Diversion. Restriction of minor duties. Lack of energy. Encouragement needed. Follow your conscience. Jealousy causes odd behavior. Interrupted work. Time to check progress toward goal- something may have changed. Someone who pursues you for weeks then disappears. Running from commitment or a preference for shallow & casual relationships. Dangerous atmosphere.
perzephone: (Tree of Life)
Moving on... to The High Priestess. I used to identify quite a bit with the High Priestess. She is so knowledgeable, so mysterious... so cloistered. She is Isis Veiled, unknowable and whole unto herself. Then I kind of moved on to the Empress, who is Isis Unveiled, earthy, practical and sensuous.

The High Priestess is the feminine equivalent to The Magician. The Magician has that forceful masculine energy that just wants to go out and penetrate, fertilize and is always moving outward. The High Priestess is the Ultimate Feminine, receptive, fertile and equally moving inward. The Magician's hands are active speakers, the High Priestess is more likely to sit with her hands folded in her lap. She gives nothing of herself or her energy away, she wastes no words - she is very efficient of movement and speech.

Lately, maybe because of my going back to the Moon Goddess, I have been finding myself once again attracted to the Priestess archetype. I'll just have to see what unfolds.

Her face is a map of the world
Is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you calm
She holds you captivated in her palm

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me

I feel like walking the world
Like walking the world
You can hear she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
She fills up every corner like she's born in black and white
Makes you feel warmer when you're trying to remember
What you heard
She likes to leave you hanging on her word

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me

And she's taller than most
And she's looking at me
I can see her eyes looking from a page in a magazine
Oh she makes me feel like I could be a tower
A big strong tower
She got the power to be
The power to give
The power to see

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me

- K T Tunstall, Suddenly I See

Pictured here is Marie LaVeau from the New Orleans Voodoo Tarot by Sallie Ann Glassman and Louis Martinie.

2 - The High Priestess

Principle of Intuition, Self-Trust & Resourcefulness

Chakra: Third Eye Element: Water
Color:   Planet: The Moon -
the subconscious, intuition
Musical Tone: G# Sphere: Yesod
Path: 13 - from Kether to Tiphareth Letter: Gimel - Camel
Number: 2, 11 Perfumes: Camphor
  • Alder

  • Cramp Bark

  • Hazel

  • Pomegranate
  • Moonstone

  • Pearl

  • Milky Quartz
Metals: Silver Zodiac: Cancer
Intelligence: The Uniting Intelligence Rune: Ear
Water; Earth; Grave
Cycles of change or times of transition; looking
into or thinking of the future.
  • Dog & Wolf -
    sacred to Artemis

  • Serpent - wisdom

  • Hare - associated with the Moon
  • Psychic Artists

  • Psychologists & Psychiatrists

  • Counselors

  • Poets

  • Advisors & Consultants
  • Temple Pillars -
    Boaz and Joachin

  • Stone Throne - unity with the Higher Consciousness;
    Isis as the Seat or Throne

  • Palms - will, masculinity

  • Pomegranate - desire, feminity

  • Lotus - purity

  • Cross - balance of polar energies, the four elements

  • Scroll - the Akashic Records,
    the Collective Unconscious

  • Moon - danger of releasing higher knowledge to unprepared
    minds; the subconscious, feminine intuition
  • Ishtar

  • Ixchel

  • Hecate

  • Diana

  • Selene

  • Luna

  • Sin

  • Kore

  • Artemis

  • Isis Veiled

  • Frigga

  • Persephone

  • Lunar deities

  • Triune deities
Key Words:

Alchemy; anima; ardor; bigotry; conceit; confusion; connections; cooperation; creation; cycles; deception; divination; dreams; ebb; flamboyance; flexibility; flux; frivolity; ignorance; imagination; imitation; inconsistency; indulgence; insight; inspiration; instability; instinct; intuition; maternalism; menstruation; mystery; objectivity; passion; protection; recapitulation; reception; receptivity; recollection; ruthlessness; seclusion; secrets; selfishness; sensitivity; shallowness; silence; society; spirituality; uncertainty; wisdom; worrisome


Be yourself. Trust your feelings. Unrevealed future. Difficult path. Good judgment. Deep inner wisdom & knowing. Esoteric or Akashic knowledge. Self reliance. Quiet retreat. Secret or something hidden. Something in your memory at which you need to look. Astral travel. Action beneath the surface, whole picture is unclear. Reception of inspiration. Keep ideas to yourself or select the right person with which to share. Seeking the higher significance of things. Seek smaller goals. Listen to your intuition. Tapping into the collective unconscious. A trustworthy friend helps affirm your divinity. Physical reflection of the spirit within. Natural subconscious side of awareness. Living a lifestyle that allows you to follow your true purpose. Area of fear in our life, possibly one that is beautiful & beguiling. A period of passive withdrawal may enrich your life. Solving problems intuitively, not knowing how you know what you know, just knowing it. Potentials & possibilities upon which must be acted. Sense of self. Seeking guidance & council from women. Paying close attention to the natural rhythms & cycles of your body. Comparisons & contrasts. Connection is possible between diverse elements. Insight into a problem offers a solution. Hidden knowledge. Change for the better. Favorable influence of a woman. In a man's spread, it may indicate a desire for an equal mate. Esoteric knowledge. Awareness of planes of existence. Hidden forces with new solutions. Feminine balance & occult learning. Utilize leadership potential. Matriarchal thought. Knowledge beyond intuition, hidden wisdom, instructive dreams, divine laws.


Lack of sense. Poor intuition. Lack of judgment. Disruptive female influence. Everything is out in the open, so examine it closely. Lack of foresight. Weak person lacking stamina. Need for deeper commitment. That which has been put before you is something with which you can deal. Passive person with strong intuition who cannot relate feelings into words or actions. Someone who is afraid to open up to others is slowly turning towards deeper involvement.
perzephone: (Tree of Life)
The Magician - The Magus - Thoth Tarot

1 - The Magician

The Principle of Communication & Timing
As Above, So Below

Chakra: Crown Chakra Element: Air
Color: Yellow Planet: Mercury
Learning, Study and Communication
Musical Tone: E Sphere: Hod
Path: 12 - From Kether to Binah Letter: Beth - House
Number: 1 Plants: Astragalus, Palm, Lemon
Perfumes: Mastic Stones: Opal, Agate
Metals: Mercury Zodiac: Gemini
Intelligence: The Clear or Transmitting Intelligence Rune: Peorth - The Dice Cup
Gambling, Speculation, Risk
Placing yourself in the hands of another.
Animals: Swallow, Fish, Ibis & Ape - sacred to Thoth Deities: Hermes, Thoth, Mercury, Athena, Merlin, Odin
  • Ouroboros - the Transformer
  • One hand raised, one lowered - "As Above, So Below"
  • Red Roses - the Five Senses, Desire
  • Robe - Outer persona
  • Lily - One Truth, Knowledge, Purity
  • Wand, Cup, Sword & Disk - the Four Elements
  • Wand - Phallic symbol
  • Physician
  • Architect
  • Inventor
  • Research Scientist
  • Magus
  • Stage Magician
  • Symphony Conductor
  • Messenger
  • Drummer

Key Words:
Action; adaptation; address; animus; articulation; balance; betrayal; charisma; commitment; consciousness; crafts; creation; creativity; communication; consciousness; criticism; cunning; deceit; dexterity; diplomacy; direction; disgrace; efficiency; ego; expression; failure; hesitation; illusions; indecision; individuality; ineptitude; information; innovation; leadership; madness; mischievousness; nervousness; observation; organization; originality; pain; personality; reason; reflection; science; self-confidence; self-reliance; skepticism; skill; strong-willedness; subtlety; talks; trickery; untrustworthiness; verbosity; will; will-power; wisdom

Planning will become manifest in the material. Balances in duality. Logic & our ability to translate intelligence. Ability to use & manifest higher powers. Consummate skill in the matter at hand. Ability to see root causes clearly. Opportunity to use talents. Merging of the Four Elements. Everything is possible through the Will of the Gods. Making something tangible out of the possibilities of life. Give life meaning & direction. The person who takes that which is offered by this card shows signs of being an architect, inventor, or creator. Applications of faith & will are the formula for success & blessing. Reaching for a goal, one over which you have control. Someone who lets only truly qualified people enter their world. Metaphysical connection between you & one who hides things from you in order to hold power over you. Awareness of the power in life. Action rather than reaction. A sense of self. Focusing attention on a project or single goal. Singleness of purpose. Being in control. Manual ability. Organizational skill. Using writing, speaking, persuasion & knowledge. Use of rhythm to call the spiritual into the Visible. A need to get your message across to a wider audience. Guidance, new opportunities, creative initiative. Mastery of self. Readiness to put plans into action, time to use your skills. Great power & energy at your disposal. Strong ego. Magic work. Gradual change.

Abuse of power. Misapplication of self. Lack of will-power. Avoidance of obstacles. Poor planning. Enemy snares. Devious manipulation. Inability to articulate thoughts. Manipulation of words & deeds for self-gain. Change is needed for achievements. Situation needs probing. Poor judgment leads to loss. You have control over the situation - the future is in your hands. Fear of channeling energy in a new direction can ease fear of madness or losing control. Hypocrisy within the Self.
perzephone: (dreams)
I've been weaning myself off the Elavil these past couple of weeks, which means I've been taking one every other day. Decided to not do it cold turkey this time around. Next week it'll be one every two days. I can already tell the difference - for instance, like right now, I've been having regular old 'I'm not sleepy' insomnia, coupled with daytime restlessness. Fewer dreams.

My GP's office contains a sleep clinic. I'm thinking about maybe having her run some more in-depth tests on me, like a PET scan. Maybe I do have drain bamage. Some synapses or neurons just not firing in the right sequence anymore. I don't think there's any treatment for things like TBI or drug-related/alcohol related brain damage, but I like having the answers. Just trying to research 'I wake up at the onset of REM sleep' is mostly futile (this is about the only thing I've seen: Sleep Disorder Center). There's lots of stuff out there about 'REM Sleep Behavior Disorder', which is where people don't get sleep paralysis & act out their dreams, but very little on other types of 'REM Sleep Disorders'. I know I get sleep paralysis because I've woken up, couldn't move and could feel the chemicals circulating in my body. Sleep paralysis, if you're not completely freaked out by it, is a comfortable state to be in. You're paralyzed and somewhat numb, so there's no pain or discomfort, just a floating lassitude. Of course, because sleep paralysis comes hand in hand with REM, once I wake up the paralysis never lasts more than a few seconds.

At any rate, I'd like to rule out anything physical, like brain damage. If nothing pops up physical, then I think I'm going to make a concerted effort to wade through the multitudinous layers of red tape put in place by my insurance company & find a therapist. See if there's something mental getting in the way of my dreaming. I can keep taking the Elavil, but it's only a treatment. I never know if the dreams I have are 'true' dreams because I'm on an antidepressant medication. Considering how much I dream about my job, I get the feeling that I'm still not dreaming.

Pathworking with the Tarot often manifests within dreams. Much of magical working manifests in dreams, period. I've always missed out on that particular aspect of spirituality.
perzephone: (Tree of Life)

Magic, back in the day when the Tarot cards were first blended with magical theory, had a rather simple view of gender. It had yin/yang, male/female, positive/negative, black/white, active/passive. Basically they are polar opposites, each attribute associated with planetary influences, masculine & feminine deities, construction and destruction. This was the world view at the time - you were either male or female, and androgynes and hermaphrodites were not known well enough or understood well enough to be taken into consideration. Cross-dressers and transexuals were relatively common, and to an extent even gender reassignment in the form of castrated men living as women. They were not really seen as being 'magically important', although there were androgynous & hermaphroditic magical constructs, like Baphomet, used in various types of magic.

I usually refer to The Fool as 'he' because most of the artwork used is vaguely masculine. In reality, The Fool is androgynous or asexual. 'It' lacks the experience, self-awareness and self-knowledge to know what 'it' is yet. The Fool has even less awareness of its sexuality than an infant because The Fool doesn't even bother to mess with what's between its legs. The Fool doesn't even have the ability to project itself onto the people it meets to know who it finds attractive or interesting. It begins life as asexual, not having tried enough to know that it doesn't like sexual relationships in any form, and because of this blank-slatedness, it appears to other people as androgynous, too innocent and vague to be attractive in and of itself.

The Magician is a self-aware man, but his sexuality is less based on societal roles for a man and more based on innate nature. The Magician is the pure essence of testosterone. He creates because he is driven to create, like a stag or a stallion is driven to sire offspring. Pan is behind it all, pushing him onward and forward, phallus erect, palms outward, that pure spring of masculine force flowing from him. He has drawn down the Sun into himself and fertilizes all that he touches. Sprouts spring from seeds, wombs fill, cities leap to the skies, planets appear from dust.

The Magician is not a mature man. He is more like a boy who has just hit puberty, 'young, dumb & full of cum'. He is the energy within us that drives us to change things for the sake of change. People who seem to thrive on chaos and drama are embodying the mindless active principle of The Magician. Change means growth and new life, even if it destroys and old, stable life. Without The Magician's powers things do stagnate and fall apart on their own, but that hectic activity hastens the process.

It is not until The Magician grows into The Emperor that the creative forces are harnessed into constructive action. The Emperor still creates, but at a slower and more nurturing pace. He has feminine forces in The Empress to temper his abandon and his Panic lust. The Magician discovers and invades new territory but The Emperor makes sure the border fortresses become empires. The Magician creates children, but the Emperor fathers them.
perzephone: (Tree of Life)
Note to Self:


I has stuff to write about, honestly. About The Magician and about maleness.

I'm just too fucking tired to do anything.
perzephone: (Tree of Life)
I don't want to move on to the Magician. I want to keep hanging out with the Fool. The Fool's tired of me following him around, but...

When I'm walking around with the Fool, I don't have to actually do anything. I can look at stuff, I can people-watch. I can take it all in, like a tourist. I don't have to participate. The Magician has to be involved, has to be emotionally invested in what he's doing. The Fool does not.

The Fool is a tramp, a bum. He can watch others do the work and sample the results but he doesn't have to care about anything. He can move on, from one experience to another. The Fool can be stuck in that lifestyle and it doesn't matter.

The Magician is less about thinking and absorbing, and more about doing.
perzephone: (Tree of Life)
Rob's got a bachelor's degree in Criminal Justice - aside from working as a security guard for construction sites, he's never used it for anything, and it's never done him any good. I've got friends with degrees up the wazoo (along with student loan debts) and they all have 'jobs'. Not careers, but jobs. Not a one of them are using any of their education to do anything. It's pretty disappointing to spend all that time, money and energy on obtaining a piece of paper only to find out that it isn't good for anything beyond decorating an empty spot on the wall.

Everything kind of stopped for me after I quit my job at the County, and it stopped even more once I graduated. I went into school with a bindle full of preconceived notions of what my life would be after I got my degree. It's a practical degree, in computer information and technology. The information I gained during the five years I spent on it is useful to a certain extent. I know what a BSOD (Blue Screen of Death) actually is, I understand random errors... I can use Linux. I went into employment thinking I would receive tons of practical experience that would lead me into bigger and better things - like an internship with Google or something. I was a fool in the sense that I had no grasp of the reality I was about to encounter. I was star-gazing, not paying attention to the pitfalls in front of me. I also had some exaggerated ideas of my own skills and abilities. They had never been put to a real test. Just because I had more knowledge of computer operations than say, the mother-in-law or some of my coworkers at the casino did not mean I was ready for a job in a specialized IT department. I would have been better off going into a broad-spectrum IT department like the centralized County IT instead of at the District Attorney's office.

At any rate, I came out of the experience with a new outlook and some practical wisdom, and I won't be likely to make the same mistakes again. I'm The Fool on the other side of the card. I fell down, I got back up & brushed myself off. Somehow though I can't seem to get started again. I'm in that neutral zone between cards.

I did my best to notice
When the call came down the line
Up to the platform of surrender
I was brought but I was kind
And sometimes I get nervous
When I see an open door
Close your eyes
Clear your heart...
Cut the cord

Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answer
Are we human?
Or are we dancer?

Pay my respects to grace and virtue
Send my condolences to good
Give my regards to soul and romance,
They always did the best they could
And so long to devotion
You taught me everything I know
Wave goodbye
Wish me well..
You've gotta let me go

Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answer
Are we human?
Or are we dancer?

Will your system be alright
When you dream of home tonight?
There is no message we're receiving
Let me know is your heart still beating

Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answer

You've gotta let me know

Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answer
Are we human
Or are we dancer?

- Human by The Killers
perzephone: (Tree of Life)

0 - The Fool

Principle of Courage, Ecstasy and Peak Experiences

"If a person does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away."
- Henry David Thoreau

Chakra: Element: All and none. Air
Color: Pale yellow Planet: The Universe, Uranus - signifies originality and eccentricity.
Musical Tone: E Sphere: Kether
Path: 11 - from Kether to Chokmah Letter: Aleph - the Bull or Ox
Number: 0 Plants: Ginseng, Ash, Yggdrasil and other World Trees
Perfumes: Galbanum Stones: Geodes, Agate, Iron Pyrite (Fool's Gold)
Metals: Aluminum, Titanium Zodiac: The entire Zodiac; Aquarius, Uranus
Intelligence: The Fiery Intelligence Rune: Sigel - Rune of the Glittering Sun The life force, warmth, health, harmony
Animals: Eagle - Objectivity; Otter - Playfulness; Monkeys & Apes - resemblance to humanity Contemplation: The first manifestation of focused possibility. Zero as the nothingness necessary for creation.
  • Zero/Null - unlimited potential, the World Egg, the womb
  • Feather - Maat
  • Wreath - Victory of the Spirit
  • White Rose - Clarity, Purity
  • Wallet - where past experiences are stored
  • Divided Circle - Kether, the Tuat
  • Knotted Belt - the Zodiac
  • Sun - Child of the Divine
  • Dog - psychopomp, reminder of humanity, reality
  • Wand - phallic symbol
  • Coyote
  • Loki
  • Hermaphrodite
  • Anansi
  • Eleggua as the Holy Child of Atocha
  • Maat
  • Attis
  • Dionysus and the Maenads
  • Bacchus
  • Christ
  • Buddha
  • Other tricksters and dying Gods
Key Words:
  Absence; adventure; apathy; beginnings; carefreeness; carelessness; craziness; creation; crossroads; delirium; distribution; divinity; ecstasy; energy; expression; extravagance; folly; foolishness; frenzy; health; ideals; ignorance; imbalance; impracticality; indirection; indiscretion; inexperience; innocence; intoxication; intuition; invention; irresponsibility; joy; mania; misfit; naivety; negligence; optimism; originality; prophecy; protection; purity; risk; spirituality; spontaneity; stagnation; stimulation; surprise; swiftness; thought; strength; thoughtlessness; unconventionality; uninhibitedness; unrealism; unworldliness; vanity; visions; vitality; youth
  The unexpected, a surprise. Divine influence. Sexuality expressed without guilt, dishonesty, or connivance. All things are possible to the person ready to go in any direction. New beginnings. Start of a new cycle of activity. Creative dreamer. Hidden talents. A decision. Leap before you look. Lessons of Attis, Dionysus & Bacchus. Today is the first day of the rest of your life - go anywhere, do anything, be anyone. Possible death. Constant reminders of the material world & bliss in not being a part of it. Someone who is naturally telepathic. Avoid sticking to definite plans & just let things happen. Be idealistic & open yourself to adventure & new avenues. Allow relationships to develop spontaneously. Be free-spirited. Optimism unaffected by past events. Purity of purpose. Impulsive thoughts & actions. Unconventional way of looking at things. Unexpected or unplanned event may be about to happen. Leaping to a new phase in life. Being open to experience. Acting on impulse. Childlike enthusiasm. Being foot-loose & fancy-free. Choices made seem foolish to others. Letting go & trusting in the Universe. Living in the here & now. Travel & vagabondage. Need for caution, but remain confident. A new chapter opening in one's life. Start of a phase, leap of faith, openness to life. The beginnings of a new cycle or enterprise. A matter that is unexpected or unplanned. Moving in a different direction, heading toward an unknown future. Use hidden talents. Creative currents bursting forth. Possible disruption of physical matters. New cycle.
  Misplacement & misunderstandings. Problems arising from recklessness or ill-considered decisions. Immature or irrational actions. Poor application of energy. Review choices. Don't cry over spilt milk. Listen to yourself. Overcome fears. Reaching the end of a cycle- time for a new goal. Scattered energy. Failure to follow instincts. Not taking a chance at a critical moment because of fear. Dependence on the opinions & plans of others. Awareness that great chances must be taken when timely. Foolish decisions & unwise actions. Pleasure-seeker. Sexual focus. Lack of confidence. Need to take more responsibility & balance pleasures, sexuality & other desires. Unkind friends.
perzephone: (Tree of Life)
I'm casually approaching some serious pathworking via the Tarot again. Starting from the beginning, of course.

I've had The Fool propped up by my bed for the past few days, seeing if it would influence my dreams any, which is hasn't, or if it has I don't remember the dreams. Maybe it's working at some deep, hidden, long-buried portion of my subconscious... (yeah, right).

It dawned on me today that most of the time, when I work with The Fool, all my focus is usually on the Fool himself. Not the environment, not his or her belongings, not the dog at his or her feet. Not all versions of Tarot include a dog with the Fool. In the New Orleans Voodoo deck, it's Damballah and Ayida Wedo's egg, the World Egg. In the Thoth deck, a tiger is gnawing on the Fool's leg. The dog is just an every-day agent of fate. The Fool is going to fall off the cliff one way or the other. He or she may realize at the last minute that their dance is perilously close to a precipice, but the dog will insure that the fall takes place.

Chelsie & her clowning fits right in with the Fool's dog. No matter what you're doing, at some point Chelsie is going to reach out her paw, snag your ankle and trip you. You might be playing with her (apparently, you don't play with a Catahoula, a Catahoula plays with you... as in, you're the toy), or you might be carrying scalding hot coffee into the living room. That paw is going to get you. You can move obstacles (like the unused Gazelle that she's used to pin me into precarious positions) out of the way, to clear your line of sight and make the inevitable fall less painful, but you're still going to fall. Rob says that, on the occasions that the dog has tripped me and I've fallen over, I roll like some kind of big beetle on its back. I try to position myself to land on the most padded areas of my body - my ass & hips. I try not to put my hands out to brace myself, because that only leads to broken wrists and sprained hands. I don't try to fight the fall, either. Gravity is going to do its work. Fighting it only leads to injury, beyond just a bruised pride. I just fucking fall down and try to roll with it.

In many Tarot guides I've read, the symbolism of the Fool is tied to the Biblical Fall from Eden. The Fool is the naive state of grace that Adam and Eve were in before the Serpent and the Tree came into the picture. The dog, of course, is the material world, the Serpent in woolier guise. Instead of being openly tempting though, leading the Fool to his or her demise with bright shiny fruit, the dog is trotting behind, waiting to take the Fool unawares. In Gnostic practices, we had to fall. It was Sophia's mistake in instigating the Fall, but we had to do it. We need the experiences that the material world gives us in order to evolve and progress. In Gnosticism, though, there is a rejection of the material world. It is base, the dross that comes of the alchemical processes. To the Gnostics, it's the struggle to be 'in the World, but not of it' that leads to salvation.

When I look at Chelsie, that dog is in the world and of it. There is nothing wrong with a little dirt, and in fact, it's quite tasty. Her own butt is tasty. We're tasty (just not right after she's been licking her own butt). The dog experiences life by living and licking and sniffing it. She explores everything with wide-eyed curiosity. She looks at things like it's the first time she's ever seen anything like it. Wow! A book! Wow! A pigeon! (Woof! Woofwoofwoof!) Wow! A pair of shoes! Wow! A roach (om nom nom)! Wow! A weed (om nom nom hork hork hork)! The dog trips the Fool to bring the Fool down to the dog's own level; not standing 5 1/2 feet or so above the ground, disconnected from experiences and emotions, but down to about 2 1/2 feet, at nose level with smelly things like crotches and t.v. trays loaded with dinner. If Chelsie falls down (which she does), she doesn't have far to go. It doesn't hurt as much. She knows the earth is her friend and companion, and gravity isn't quite as much of a harsh mistress at that level. She can rise above it all, to catch a ball or Frisbee, or launch herself at the pigeons and doves winging away overhead.

Another thing I've noticed about the Fool in the Rider-Waite tarot is that ledge he's standing on. From the perspective of the card, there are mountains in the far-off distance. It gives the impression that the Fool is truly flirting with disaster. He seems to be quite high up, and if he falls it will be forever. For all we know, though, that ledge could be a step or two. He might be falling two feet down. Maybe that ledge is the undercut bank of some wide river - the river of time, ready to wash him downstream and into the future.
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I know I promised free short Tarot readings this weekend - no one responded, but just in case...

I'm not at my best atm due to my broken toof. I get random moments of what feels like someone spiking me through the tooth & into my brain with a large screwdriver or something. Not that I've ever had a screwdriver plunged into my skull, but I imagine this pain is similar. It is intense and localized, and it just stops me in my tracks. I get it pulled on Tuesday, so maybe next weekend for Tarot readings?
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My attempt at crossposting didn't work. Blegh.

30th Day of the 30 Days of Books Memes: What am I reading now?

Currently, I've got Marion Zimmer Bradley's The Fall of Atlantis at work, and Terry Pratchett's The Color of Magic in the bathroom. The Fall of Atlantis is pretty standard MZB stock. Lots of secret black rites and incestuous goings-on. The Color of Magic travels between my bathroom & bedroom. TCoM is actually painful to read for me right now because I want to bust out laughing on every other page, and my throat hurts, and laughter starts me off on a coughing fit. I don't know why I've avoided Prachett's books all this time.

My favorite bit, so far involves a seedy wizard describing his traveling companion to an infamous pair of scoundrels: ..."Let's just say that if complete and utter chaos were lightning, then he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armor and shouting 'All gods are bastards'...". This is my style of reading. My inner Coyote is pleased.

In honor of my new journaling home, I'm going to make good on my 'free Tarot reading' promise. On Sept. 12, 13 & 14 I will perform short (meaning 3 - 7 cards) readings for my fans and friends. Formulate a question & either post a comment here, on the crosspost to LJ, or PM it to me. Let me know if you want me to share your reading w/the world or if you'd like a private response.

I have the following decks to choose from:

The New Orleans Voodoo Tarot

Classic Rider-Waite - and I do mean Classic - I found one published in 1971 on e-Bay to replace the deck that mysteriously disappeared.

The Medicine Cards - more of an oracle, less of a fortune-telling thing

The Tarot of the Dead - since Samhain/Hallowe'en/Dia de los Muertos is right around the corner, I have to admit I'm kind of looking forward to getting to know this deck better.

The H. P. Lovecraft Tarot - I cannot be held responsible for anything these cards tell you. Io! Io! Cthulhu F'taghn!
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I'm trying this whole cross-posting thingy. Bear with me.

30th Day of the 30 Days of Books Memes: What am I reading now?

Currently, I've got Marion Zimmer Bradley's The Fall of Atlantis at work, and Terry Pratchett's The Color of Magic in the bathroom. The Fall of Atlantis is pretty standard MZB stock. Lots of secret black rites and incestuous goings-on. The Color of Magic travels between my bathroom & bedroom. TCoM is actually painful to read for me right now because I want to bust out laughing on every other page, and my throat hurts, and laughter starts me off on a coughing fit. I don't know why I've avoided Prachett's books all this time.

My favorite bit, so far involves a seedy wizard describing his traveling companion to an infamous pair of scoundrels: ..."Let's just say that if complete and utter chaos were lightning, then he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armor and shouting 'All gods are bastards'...". This is my style of reading. My inner Coyote is pleased.

In honor of my new journaling home, I'm going to make good on my 'free Tarot reading' promise. On Sept. 12, 13 & 14 I will perform short (meaning 3 - 7 cards) readings for my fans and friends. Formulate a question & either post a comment here, on the crosspost to LJ, or PM it to me. Let me know if you want me to share your reading w/the world or if you'd like a private response.

I have the following decks to choose from:

The New Orleans Voodoo Tarot

Classic Rider-Waite - and I do mean Classic - I found one published in 1971 on e-Bay to replace the deck that mysteriously disappeared.

The Medicine Cards - more of an oracle, less of a fortune-telling thing

The Tarot of the Dead - since Samhain/Hallowe'en/Dia de los Muertos is right around the corner, I have to admit I'm kind of looking forward to getting to know this deck better.

The H. P. Lovecraft Tarot - I cannot be held responsible for anything these cards tell you. Io! Io! Cthulhu F'taghn!
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I've been lurking [ profile] stonetalker 's lj, and she periodically gives away free readings.

I'm a bit rusty, and don't have the time today, but would anyone be interested in a short reading from me at some point in the future?

I only read the Tarot, btw - no runes or stones.
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I asked's Tarot... I chose the Aquatic Tarot, & chose the Twisting Path spread for me.

The Twisting Path spread provides insight into the path ahead of you and the choices you must make. This is the spread for situations where more than one pitfall may lie ahead. The Aquatic Tarot is a modern watercolor interpretation of the classic Rider Waite symbolism. It is rapidly becoming one of the most popular decks, due to both its spectacular beauty and its traditional imagery.

The card at the lower left, represents the first decision along your path.

Five of Cups (Disappointment), when reversed:
Accepting a loss. Overcoming sadness and grief to get on with your life. Realizing the value of what you still have. Dissatisfaction gives way to a new hope and understanding. May allude to a broken relationship or tragedy. May also refer to a gift, inheritance, opportunity, partnership, or marriage that has fallen below expectations.

The card to the far left represents the first false path that may lead you astray.
Five of Swords (Defeat), when reversed:
Refusing to achieve success through personal degradation. Friendship maintained through the abandonment of a dishonorable gain. Slander and infamy avoided.

The card in the middle represents the second decision along your path.
Six of Swords (Science), when reversed:
Conceit and intellectual pride. Being stuck in a problem which has no apparent solution. Frustration and anxiety that are left unsettled. Travel and exploration are delayed.

The card at the lower right represents the second false path that may lead you astray.
Ace of Wands, when reversed:
The seed of a new crisis - perhaps as yet unseen. The start of an explosive situation threatening to consume all who get too close. The herald of birth, invention, or upheaval. An innate and primal force unleashed. May suggest a surge of vitality, creativity, or fertility that can set dangerous events in motion.

The card at the top represents one possible mask of your true destination.
Four of Pentacles (Power):
Cleaving to earthly power in the desperate fear that it will be lost. Making yourself an obstacle to progress due to lack of originality and a desperate fear of change. Believing that security and identity are based primarily on the possession of material things. Coveting things and people. Living in a cloud of suspicion and prejudice.

Accurate to the point of creepy, but still no answers.

Silly Goose

Mar. 2nd, 2010 10:39 am
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Lemme tell ya about my quest for my Tarot cards. I lost my very first deck. Either that, or I don't remember getting rid of them or giving them away. I've been looking for another Rider Waite deck. All the ones that have been published in the past 10 years or so are yucky. They have a thick cardstock and a heavy glossy coating. The colors are hideously bright and not true to the deck I had. I got my first Tarot deck in 1988. It was heavy card stock, but had more of a matte finish and subdued colors. Over the years it had absorbed layers of patchouli & Nag Champa incense, sandalwood oil and the sweat and dirt from my hands. It smelled like magic and the cards were worn and soft. No new Tarot deck could really compare, especially one w/a plastic gloss finish that oil just rubbed off of. I started shopping on e-Bay & Every single person selling a used RW deck had the same response to my queries - "yes, they have a high-gloss finish". I finally, after about four months of this, managed to procure an older printing - from 1971. These cards are almost like mine were, but unused. The card stock is slightly thinner, but the colors are true and over time, they will smell heavenly.

Did a Tarot reading last night. I asked if BSG was real and if I'd have a possibility of running into him somewhere, or if I could manifest him.

Surprisingly enough, the cards said yes. They also said if I did manage to find him, or for him to find me, it would lead to strife, heartbreak and ruin. He's the King of Swords, and figured prominently in opposition to the King of Cups (gee... wonder who that could be? Especially w/the 2 of Cups crossing him?).

Strife, heartbreak and ruin sounds about like what I need right now.

It sounds like fun.
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Got a new set of Rider Waite Tarot today.

I dun like 'em. They're slick, my old pack was more matte. The colors are too bright. The Magician keeps gravitating to the top of the deck (or bottom, really - the visible side, anyway). The edges are stiff and hurt my fingers. I got them at Borders, so they have the 'new card' smell instead of smelling at least like the inside of an occult shop. They're slippery.

I've been trying to work with the other cards in my collection, but none of them feel right to me. The Robin Wood deck is too boisterous, and honestly has some bad-tasting associations with the images, the Thoth deck is just too fucking huge, the porn decks are... well, they're for titillation at bachelorette parties, not real divinatory tools. The Halloween & Dead deck - I can't jive with the symbols. Anthropomorphized vegetables & movie reels just don't make any sense.

Argh! I hate when stuff like this happens!


Jun. 28th, 2009 12:21 pm
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If I happened to gift anyone with my old Rider-Waite tarot deck, could you please let me know? I can't remember if I did give it to someone, and if I didn't give it to someone, then I've lost it.

I can't even remember the color of the bag the cards were in.
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I made my jack o'lantern earlier today, & since Rob & I were running Strat, I just dumped all the pumpkin seeds in a bowl of water so they'd stay moist & easier to clean. A couple hours later, I went in to clean them & found that 3 of them had sprouted - one even had leaves on it. I was bowled over to say the least. They are big sprouts, too. So I planted them :)

Last night I did a nightly card pull w/my Medicine deck & got Alligator, contrary. I usually only seem to get 'Gator when it's raining. Today I woke up to overcast skies & that heavy feeling in the air. I don't know if it's going to rain or not, but it feels like it wants to.

Gotten buttloads of trick or treaters tonight, which is always cool.

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Of course, I'd almost prefer The Hierophant to this interpretation:

You are the Hanged Man

Self-sacrifice, Sacrifice, Devotion, Bound.

With the Hanged man there is often a sense of fatalism, waiting for something to happen. Or a fear of
loss from a situation, rather than gain.

The Hanged Man is perhaps the most fascinating card in the deck. It reflects the story of Odin who offered himself as a sacrifice in order to gain knowledge. Hanging from the world tree, wounded by a spear, given no bread or mead, he hung for nine days. On the last day, he saw on the ground runes that had fallen from the tree, understood their meaning, and, coming down, scooped them up for his own. All knowledge is to be found in these runes.

The Hanged Man, in similar fashion, is a card about suspension, not life or death. It signifies selflessness, sacrifice and prophecy. You make yourself vulnerable and in doing so, gain illumination. You see the world differently, with almost mystical insights.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Going to get an echocardiogram this afternoon - yay. The doctor wants to make sure my heart is healthy enough to survive another knee surgery. My cholesterol count went up (it's all the hot sausage & egg breakfasts I've been eating on the weekends because I'm home cooking for Rob) a few points & my EKGs are always wacky. Yes, I am aware there is something wrong with my heart, but I'm so freaking tired of stress tests that don't reveal anything, and I'm sorry, I am not going to get an angiogram done. There is no amount of money you could pay me to have that done. Even if there is something wrong with my heart, I'm not getting it fixed. Sorry, no open heart surgery, no stents, no shunts, no pacemakers, no catheters, no angioplasty. Aint happening. I just foresee this huge argument in my future between me, the doctor & Rob.

At least I'll get out of work a little early today.

School started yesterday & I had to drop a class already. I wish there was some way to know for sure what the professors expected out of their students ahead of time. I pay the extra money to take online classes so I don't have to be in a 'classroom setting' with other students, & the online classes are designed for people who live too far away to commute to school. With this in mind, why do these instructors keep expecting people to do group projects? I'm sorry, but I am not going out of my way to collaborate on anything with anyone just to get a passing grade - especially if I have to depend on someone else's work to get that passing grade in the first place.


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Rainbow Serpent Woman

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