Why Why Why

[perzephone]

Why do I do these things to myself?!

I've been between tears and laughter all day. I hate crying at work. At least I live in a cube and I can sort of stare into the corner of my cushioned gray walls. I tell Rob that I would like to let my more compassionate, caring side show and today I got bombarded by emotions and memories and most of all I remember why I don't open myself up to this kind of thing. My heart hurts, like a crazed bird bashing itself to death on the bars of its cage.

If I didn't have to go to work tomorrow, I'd drink myself into a tequila hazed stupor. I'd listen to this song over & over again & sob drunkenly into my hands.

Sometime Around Midnight ~ The Airborne Toxic Event

And it starts, sometime around midnight.
Or at least that’s when you lose yourself
for a minute or two.
As you stand, under the bar lights.
And the band plays some song
about forgetting yourself for a while.
And the piano’s this melancholy soundtrack to her smile.
And that white dress she’s wearing
you haven’t seen her for a while.

But you know, that she’s watching.
She’s laughing, she’s turning.
She’s holding her tonic like a cross.
The room’s suddenly spinning.
She walks up and asks how you are.
So you can smell her perfume.
You can see her lying naked in your arms.

And so there’s a change, in your emotions.
And all these memories come rushing
like feral waves to your mind.
Of the curl of your bodies,
like two perfect circles entwined.
And you feel hopeless and homeless
and lost in the haze of the wine.

Then she leaves, with someone you don’t know.
But she makes sure you saw her.
She looks right at you and bolts.
As she walks out the door,
your blood boiling
your stomach in ropes.
Oh and when your friends say,
“What is it? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Then you walk, under the streetlights.
And you’re too drunk to notice,
that everyone is staring at you.
You just don’t care what you look like,
the world is falling around you.

You just have to see her.
You just have to see her.
You just have to see her.
You just have to see her.
You just have to see her.
You know that she’ll break you in two.

In other news, I've got an interview with the Aladdin Planet Hollywood for a night auditor position. The woman really wanted me to come in today, but it was 3:30 when she called & I was still at work :P Hopefully she'll be understanding & wait for me to come in on Wednesday morning. Hopefully I can get in on Weds morning - I've got another interview w/the Water Reclamation District (cough**Sewage District**cough) at 10:20 Weds morning & the time off has already been granted.