Good News

[perzephone]

Ann has stabilized somewhat, and may have more time to say goodbye. If she continues to improve, even just a small amount, they may be able to move her from the hospital to assisted care. It's a minor miracle, and I'm thankful, but she's still a short-timer at this point.

Apparently, out of all the people who have been close to her over these past years, I, the one who hasn't been so great in keeping in touch, am the only one who knows how bad her alcoholism has gotten. Obviously, though, it's worse than even I could imagine. Most of my drunken family members were at least into their 50s before the liver failure or pancreatic cancer or intestinal breakdowns occurred - either that, or actual alcohol poisoning took them earlier. My sisters' dad's liver was in better shape when he died at 70-something, and he smoked crack on top of being a drunk.

I still don't know if I want to go see her or not. I don't really want my last memory of her to be like that of my mother. My mother died from chemo-induced liver & kidney failure. She bloated up to about 3 times her normal petite size, and had fluid intoxication, so she was delirious and incoherent. Plus, she was pumped full of morphine. She kept asking me for cigarettes - I ran out of the room because she scared the living crap out of me. It took her another year to die, but that was the last time I saw her, alive or dead. I don't want to think of Ann the same way.

I'd rather remember her like this: