perzephone: (Default)
I am really in a funk right now. I can feel it. I try to go places & just can't make it out the door. My dreams are just weird & confusing. I have decided that I cannot eat any more sushi that involves roe - no matter how good it tastes. I had some last week, & my voice & chest have been kind of gruff this weekend - last night I dreamed I was coughing up snotballs that were full of developing fish eggs... I could see their little eyes... I was thinking, "well, if they hatch I'll just swallow 'em" & then I thought, "Yeah, but this crap is coming out of my LUNGS!" I have two classes that I've completely blown off this weekend - instead of reading & watching lectures, I've been playing WoW, getting that last 3-day weekend hurrah in. My back is killing me, my knees hurt - everything hurts from the hips down, as a matter of fact - but do I get up & stretch? Noooo, 'course not. I do have an appt w/my ortho guy on Friday at least.

I can feel Autumn creeping in around the cracks in the door and it only gets worse from now til Yule. I can yammer on about spirituality on forums & to people around me - but I'm not feeling the spirit. It all seems very academic. The more I try, the more mired in the mundane I get.

I've have been getting this weird desire to fully resurrect the Greek-ness of my childhood. Ancient Greek religion was more academic than charismatic, so maybe it's something I can use right now. It's very hard to give due worship to Dionysus when I know how bad it would be for me to start seriously drinking. I might get stuck, feeling this way. There isn't a lot to go on about Hades - He was only honored at funerals & given respect during seances/necromancy by the shady sorts in ancient Greece that may have been given to that kind of practice. It seems His worship was centered around rivers and springs said to be rivers that led to the Underworld, and caves that were doors to the Underworld. Persephone was rarely worshipped as an individual, Her rites were included with Demeter's at Eleusis. The Greeks were superstitious about death and death deities, Persephone was referred to as simply 'the Maiden' and Hades rarely if at all. Miners had to bargain with Him in their procurement of metals and stones.

I just read this rendition of the transformation of Kore into Persephone... it's one of those things that make me go 'Wow.' It's interesting that the author kind of focuses on Persephone being the sole sovereign of the Underworld, but I know in Roman times Hades was integrated into Pluto/Saturn, who was a God of the Harvest. Persephone plants the seeds, Demeter helps them grow, Saturn reaps the harvest.

Apparently, and I've never heard this connection made before - modern mythologists & scholars have linked Persephone to 'the nameless maiden of the labyrinth at Knossos'. Gee, where have I heard that phrase before?
perzephone: (poppy)
Went to see Seal last night, but strangely enough it's not Seal that's running thru my head, it's a song that was playing on the loudspeakers during intermission. I've heard it maybe once before, but I don't know who it's by, or what it's called. It's fairly new, has this driving tribal beat to it, the singers are sort of shout-singing - the only words I could really make out above Jody's yelling at me was something like "We are... we are, we are...". Jody says it's Peter Gabriel, but I don't think so. It could very well be Afro-Celtic Sound System, but I've only heard one song by them & it had Peter Gabriel as a guest singer (When You're Falling.) Tomorrow me & Rob are taking our dead-scorpion-in-a-jar to the Dept. of Agriculture for identification, so I'm gonna get him to take me to either Virgin Records or Odyssey to see if I can find who it's by or what it's named. Virgin would probably be niftier, as I can buy some "Virgin" brand condoms while I'm there.
Last night, as I lay in my bed, throbbing w/mingled bass vibrations & pain, waiting for the Darvocet & Flexiril to kick in, I popped in my Shamanic drumming CD. I got the weird sensation of me getting up out of bed & walking counter-clockwise around the house, checking all the doors & windows. Even now, it's half remembered, because I was still laying in bed watching myself do this. Why widdershins? Rattling windows & locks. I was in this comatose paralysis, drifting in & out of sleep, but my fetch is roaming around doing a security patrol. Then the call-back on the CD started & panicked me in the worst way. Lay there w/my heart pounding blood into my head, adrenaline rush, everything. My heart beating hard enough to shake the bed. I'd like to listen to it again tonight, but Rob's already asleep.
Rob's confessed jealousy of Eric, which was never present before my mentioning that he would be coming out in March. I laughed at Rob, which was mean, but o fucking well. (I'm mean. It's what I do best.) Anyway, it just kills me. Now Rob's walking around w/his Mr. Insecurity face on. I told him that I'm tired of being over-protected & worried about, I'm tired of never being able to do things on my own, I'm getting tired of being a married person because I have no space or time to myself. He just told me he could feel it, but he "protects what he cherishes". I just don't want to be cherished anymore. I'm getting to be like Greta Garbo - "I vant to be alone."
It's funny - I've always felt a kindred towards Persephone, that chthonic Goddess Who is a footnote in the tale of Demeter. I was reading an old mythology book, & in it the author said that someone (maybe Herakles, maybe Jason & the Argonauts? Odysseus?) briefly considered an attempt to steal Persephone from Hades, but changed his mind because "She is that most closely guarded & protected of Queens". Sometimes I feel so much like that.
Hoping I didn't give Lisa's family the flu when I visited. Even tho I'm just feeling like it's the change-of-weather related respiratory problems.

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Rainbow Serpent Woman

August 2014

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