perzephone | Angst

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spirituality

Angst

So, has anyone out there reading this ever just walked away from their religion? Just kicked their spirituality off the turnip truck?

I was looking around my room and just about everything hanging off my walls is spiritual. I've got a bookcase full of Tarot-related and Pagan and Buddhist books. Most of the art in my 'My Pictures' folder on my computer are from Pagan sites or depict Paganism in some form or another. It takes up a lot of space in my brain. I mean, if I'm not contemplating my navel, what else might I be thinking about?

But honestly, for all the physical & mental space dedicated to my spirituality, I spend little or no time on it. I'm still the same person I was when I left the Temple of the Inner Circle... I don't feel like I've grown or evolved one iota. I do not serve any Gods nor do I dedicate my life to Them... would They even miss me if I forgot about Them? Do They even care anymore?

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Damn, if Id known my spirituality resided on a turnip truck I would have sought it out and had a good long talk years ago!!

I have just done a massive spring clean - 3 bin loads of rubbish gone (and a few more to go), a car load of stuff donated and MUCH more to be donated once I get thru it all.

I also unpacked a whole load of stuff Id forgotten about, heaps of statues of gods, lots of Ganesh, Buddha, totems etc Ive placed them all around my home, Ive always had an alter in my room but having more around the place is nice, I am NOT obsessed by worshiping them - I have no 'I need to do this daily/weekly/monthly' ritual.

But I like having them around as it reminds me of the person I want to be and what I need to work on. They also help me send strength to others I know who may need it.

I also have a shelf full of tarot, Buddhist (tho not enough) and pagan books - some I have yet to read!!

So I am surrounded by this stuff to yet I dont dedicate my life to any of it - I see it as a part of me that helps or guides me to be who I am.

I have always looked at MY 'spirituality' as a fluid and ever changing thing - being a libran I can never make up my mind lol.

I guess I dont want to limit myself to dedicating myself to one set of rules.... I have always made up my own guidelines/spiritualness, I dont tend to follow rules very well so it suites me fine.

I have celebrations that suit me - my fruit tree may have given a great haul of fruit one year so I may make a one off ritual of jam making - then take care of the tree that provided me with such good food.

I do like to cook certain dinners at certain times (harvest etc), to thank the earth for giving me the food it does.

I like to talk to the seeds and plants I plant... thanking them for being fertile and for them about to grow in to plants for me to admire or eat, I make a promise to them to look after them in the best way I can.

I do have silly little rituals and wear pendants or crystals when I feel I need help or strength or whatever.

BUT I dont knock myself out over doing or not doing them, if they are right or not, if they help or not, if I forget them for years or not.

I try not to see it all as taking up my time,space, thoughts or whatever, I dont allow myself to be fully immersed to the point of being taken over or ruled by it all as to me thats no different to the nut job preachers on tv wanting you to BELIEVE you will rot in hell if you dont give give give - or buy their bread baked on rocks from jesus's house.....

lol I have rambled on enough :)

I do understand what you are saying, maybe you need a break - put all your 'stuff' away and see if you miss it!! Now I have a lot of my 'stuff' back out on display, I know JUST how much I did miss it - subconsciously at least!!

*hugs*

Edited 2008-09-05 06:02 (UTC)

I think it's also just... I torment myself over how various entities have called me into service, and how I don't want to give up my comfortable, convenient life to answer those calls... but deep inside me, I know I could live a life of service to the Gods. Just not this one.

I kind of feel like I've been teasing the Gods, and then I resent Them for not paying attention to me anymore. Which isn't fair to Them, and it's not exactly fair to myself to be in this constant internal tug-of-war.

Sunday we're going to a starving artist fair, so I'm going to see if I can pick up some tropical or Asian scene to grace my walls when I take Medusa down.

oh and I have banished the word religion from everything I do, say, think, feel etc...

for me it sums up a lot of bad stuff and bad people doing wrong in the name of their god.

spirituality is the word for me :)

heh. While I find what people believe to be very interesting (I read, talk, and think a lot about the subject), I personally have no belief in the supernatural. I gave superstition the boot in high school and have never regretted it.

Atheism never worked for me. I'm too paranoid - I know the Universe is out to get me and I have to know why...

*chuckle* I do sometimes believe in Murphy's Hammer...

Murphy is a mighty and fearsome entity... I worry more about his anvils dropping from the sky than his hammer :D

*chuckle* mighty and fearsome entity, indeed! I worry about getting caught between his anvil and hammer. LOL

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