Rainbow Serpent Woman (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
perzephone) wrote2007-08-30 09:08 am
perzephone) wrote2007-08-30 09:08 am
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Sometimes...
I miss it, yanno. When I was Malachite, I was a Witch and I could bend the Universe to my will. I trafficked with ancient entities, bartered myself for certain favors, opened myself to unseen powers. I was a channel, an empty vessel... and I was the hand that wrote fate, all at the same time. There's a lot of ego tied up in that kind of power - it's easy to fall into that mindset, too. Or it used to be. All is vanity. For all that power & energy and disregard of Karmic lawsdisdain of Karmic laws I still lived in crappy circumstances. Still do, really. All my adolescent meditation and training got me oh-so-far. Of course, strangely enough, I never asked for money. Only more power, more knowledge, more ability to bend the wills of others to my desires. I never fell into the traps, either. Never asked for anyone specific to love me... never asked directly for any specific thing that might backfire horribly. Always so cautious because I knew what I was dealing with - the manner of the intelligences behind the imagery.
This morning I heard a voice, in the back of my mind. Someone said, "Hello Malachite, it's been a long time." It wyrded me out a little, because I had forgotten the name I took. Yes, it's only been 12 years or so but when you stop thinking of yourself as someone that thread ceases to exist. The bowl was broken, the chord was severed, Malachite, for all intents & purposes, died. Everything since 1995 has been some version of online personas that are more real to me than I am anymore. I guess in a way an online persona is a 'magical' name. But hearing it, even within my own head in someone else's voice, made me want to stretch out my hand & see if I could still make sparks fly. Instead, I heard the brick wall go up with a solid thud, that brick wall that keeps my ego caged. Don't need that crap anymore. I chalk it up to the time of year, the thunderstorms, the eclipse. Thought about how Unkle Al died, in filth & poverty, thought about nothing, thought about no-thing-ness & tried not to think about the Ain Soph Aur.
Rob & I finally went into Warsong Gulch t'other night. I rated the most kills for our little session, and instantly, I understood what other people meant by the term zergfest. That was what it was - a zergfest. (hey, someone on Charmed just said, "kthxbai", lawl) I met the awesome combo of rogue/mage. The mage freezes you between two stealthed rogues who just take turns sapping you until you commit suicide out of frustration, or the ice thaws & you can go kick that little gnome mage's clothe-covered ass. Ferdie, I'm gunning for you.
This morning I heard a voice, in the back of my mind. Someone said, "Hello Malachite, it's been a long time." It wyrded me out a little, because I had forgotten the name I took. Yes, it's only been 12 years or so but when you stop thinking of yourself as someone that thread ceases to exist. The bowl was broken, the chord was severed, Malachite, for all intents & purposes, died. Everything since 1995 has been some version of online personas that are more real to me than I am anymore. I guess in a way an online persona is a 'magical' name. But hearing it, even within my own head in someone else's voice, made me want to stretch out my hand & see if I could still make sparks fly. Instead, I heard the brick wall go up with a solid thud, that brick wall that keeps my ego caged. Don't need that crap anymore. I chalk it up to the time of year, the thunderstorms, the eclipse. Thought about how Unkle Al died, in filth & poverty, thought about nothing, thought about no-thing-ness & tried not to think about the Ain Soph Aur.
Rob & I finally went into Warsong Gulch t'other night. I rated the most kills for our little session, and instantly, I understood what other people meant by the term zergfest. That was what it was - a zergfest. (hey, someone on Charmed just said, "kthxbai", lawl) I met the awesome combo of rogue/mage. The mage freezes you between two stealthed rogues who just take turns sapping you until you commit suicide out of frustration, or the ice thaws & you can go kick that little gnome mage's clothe-covered ass. Ferdie, I'm gunning for you.
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