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By the Lawyers' decree...
Feb. 25th, 2004 02:07 am
Q. Should I give up on Josh altogether?
A. This substance known to cause cancer in laboratory animals.
Q. Am I a lab animal?
A. "...." (I take it to mean "Yes, you are indeed a lab animal, but we didn't want to insult you by calling you a rat outright")
Q. Will I ever fall truly in love with someone?
A. Not in the context of this conversation.
Still working over those feelings of love & happiness. Everyone is still so freakin' concerned with my happiness. It would make me really freakin' happy if everyone would leave me the Hel alone. Literally. I'm getting to this weird point where I backed away from a salesperson at the mall. All I wanted to do was examine a bottle of essential oil - she leapt from her chair like a flying squirrel & I found myself backing away, arms raised, shaking my head, muttering, "Please don't try to sell me anything..."
Sunday night I had to work all night. 10 hrs. On the desk. People were backed up at the airport because the rain closed down 2 of McCarran's 3 runways. Busiest airport in the US & they only have 3 FREAKIN' RUNWAYS!!! People standing in line for 3 hrs. after waiting at their various airports all day, they come up to the window & ask, "So, how are you doing tonight?" I wanted to kill them all. I had some song going thru my head, infinitely stupid lyrics: "1 - nothing wrong w/me, 2 - nothing wrong w/me, 3 - nothing wrong w/meeeeeee... let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor" The only thing really keeping me going was an image of me leaping onto the marble counter top, Matrix style, w/an Uzi or AK47 in each hand & mowing down tourists while screaming stupid song lyrics at the top of my lungs, which wouldn't have been very loud because at some point I lost my voice. Everyone wanted to carry on a conversation with me. I wanted to tell these 1000-question people: "Do you see those other 500 people in line? They hate both of us right now. The longer you stand here & ask me stupid questions, the deeper & more profound that hate becomes. They won't take it out on you, tho... no, not you. I'm the one w/the black & white target on. Take your keys & go." 5 desk clerks, 500 arrivals left at 10pm. 250 clean rooms. All of them smoking. First actual 80-hr. paycheck I'll have in a while, probably since Nora last went on vacation. And this one will have holiday pay on it, too. Yuppppeeee!
Gods, why couldn't the Excalibur decide to build fewer rooms? So today, my arm aches. Yesterday was worse - couldn't hold a book, couldn't type, couldn't brush my teeth or my head w/my right arm... awkward. Very awkward. Darvocet takes the edge off at least, even tho it makes my nose itch. It's scary how quickly a tolerance can build to this stuff. The first Darvocet I took I was flying for hours, rubbing my face raw, feeling no pain & quite a lot of bliss. Now, I rub my nose for a few minutes, scratch my arms a little... and ache. Legs are almost as bad. I've gotta ask the Dr. of Applied Chemistry if Hazaar makes you feel muscularly weak. He'll probably tell me I need more Potassium. I hate diuretics. I'm not retaining water. I pee clearly now. It's scary. Pee should be some sort of yellowish, not look exactly like the water you just drank 2 minutes ago. And oi, my kidneys. I've got a nasty ingrown hair on my shoulder, and a part of me is thinking it's not an ingrown hair at all, it's a scorpion sting or a spider bite & my right arm is going to fall off. Not that I'd mind, because then it wouldn't be screaming.
Jody tested positive for Epstein-Barr, the hepped up mono virus. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, anyone? What's funny is that a few weeks ago, she's complaining to me about feeling tired all the time, always achy, all her digestive complaints, the thyroidal shit, blah blah blah... I told her, why not get tested for EBV? So she goes to the doctor soon after for something else & the doctor, under his own initiative, tests her for it. I made her nervous.
Watched "The Missing" tonight. Eerie movie. Big medicine. Strangely parallels the life of me & my dad - just when I found him again, there was an ending. At least I was never quite so bitter or hateful. I just stopped caring - let him go his own way, obviously it's what he wanted most. A little freedom, a little solitude, no responsibilities. Nice gig if you can get it.
No mortuary science schools in Washington, but there is one in beautiful Gresham, OR... not too far from Salem, which means the cost of living is outrageous. And I dunno if I'd be able to get an apartment up there because when we left Oregon we technically broke our lease. Oopsie. And I can't access the "Mt. Hood Community College" website, which possibly means that either they've moved the web addy or they shut down & haven't told anyone that had links to their site. Google is rich & informative, but their policy of listing websites by how many other sites are linked to them instead of by site relevancy to the search can be deconstructive at times.
A. This substance known to cause cancer in laboratory animals.
Q. Am I a lab animal?
A. "...." (I take it to mean "Yes, you are indeed a lab animal, but we didn't want to insult you by calling you a rat outright")
Q. Will I ever fall truly in love with someone?
A. Not in the context of this conversation.
Still working over those feelings of love & happiness. Everyone is still so freakin' concerned with my happiness. It would make me really freakin' happy if everyone would leave me the Hel alone. Literally. I'm getting to this weird point where I backed away from a salesperson at the mall. All I wanted to do was examine a bottle of essential oil - she leapt from her chair like a flying squirrel & I found myself backing away, arms raised, shaking my head, muttering, "Please don't try to sell me anything..."
Sunday night I had to work all night. 10 hrs. On the desk. People were backed up at the airport because the rain closed down 2 of McCarran's 3 runways. Busiest airport in the US & they only have 3 FREAKIN' RUNWAYS!!! People standing in line for 3 hrs. after waiting at their various airports all day, they come up to the window & ask, "So, how are you doing tonight?" I wanted to kill them all. I had some song going thru my head, infinitely stupid lyrics: "1 - nothing wrong w/me, 2 - nothing wrong w/me, 3 - nothing wrong w/meeeeeee... let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor" The only thing really keeping me going was an image of me leaping onto the marble counter top, Matrix style, w/an Uzi or AK47 in each hand & mowing down tourists while screaming stupid song lyrics at the top of my lungs, which wouldn't have been very loud because at some point I lost my voice. Everyone wanted to carry on a conversation with me. I wanted to tell these 1000-question people: "Do you see those other 500 people in line? They hate both of us right now. The longer you stand here & ask me stupid questions, the deeper & more profound that hate becomes. They won't take it out on you, tho... no, not you. I'm the one w/the black & white target on. Take your keys & go." 5 desk clerks, 500 arrivals left at 10pm. 250 clean rooms. All of them smoking. First actual 80-hr. paycheck I'll have in a while, probably since Nora last went on vacation. And this one will have holiday pay on it, too. Yuppppeeee!
Gods, why couldn't the Excalibur decide to build fewer rooms? So today, my arm aches. Yesterday was worse - couldn't hold a book, couldn't type, couldn't brush my teeth or my head w/my right arm... awkward. Very awkward. Darvocet takes the edge off at least, even tho it makes my nose itch. It's scary how quickly a tolerance can build to this stuff. The first Darvocet I took I was flying for hours, rubbing my face raw, feeling no pain & quite a lot of bliss. Now, I rub my nose for a few minutes, scratch my arms a little... and ache. Legs are almost as bad. I've gotta ask the Dr. of Applied Chemistry if Hazaar makes you feel muscularly weak. He'll probably tell me I need more Potassium. I hate diuretics. I'm not retaining water. I pee clearly now. It's scary. Pee should be some sort of yellowish, not look exactly like the water you just drank 2 minutes ago. And oi, my kidneys. I've got a nasty ingrown hair on my shoulder, and a part of me is thinking it's not an ingrown hair at all, it's a scorpion sting or a spider bite & my right arm is going to fall off. Not that I'd mind, because then it wouldn't be screaming.
Jody tested positive for Epstein-Barr, the hepped up mono virus. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, anyone? What's funny is that a few weeks ago, she's complaining to me about feeling tired all the time, always achy, all her digestive complaints, the thyroidal shit, blah blah blah... I told her, why not get tested for EBV? So she goes to the doctor soon after for something else & the doctor, under his own initiative, tests her for it. I made her nervous.
Watched "The Missing" tonight. Eerie movie. Big medicine. Strangely parallels the life of me & my dad - just when I found him again, there was an ending. At least I was never quite so bitter or hateful. I just stopped caring - let him go his own way, obviously it's what he wanted most. A little freedom, a little solitude, no responsibilities. Nice gig if you can get it.
No mortuary science schools in Washington, but there is one in beautiful Gresham, OR... not too far from Salem, which means the cost of living is outrageous. And I dunno if I'd be able to get an apartment up there because when we left Oregon we technically broke our lease. Oopsie. And I can't access the "Mt. Hood Community College" website, which possibly means that either they've moved the web addy or they shut down & haven't told anyone that had links to their site. Google is rich & informative, but their policy of listing websites by how many other sites are linked to them instead of by site relevancy to the search can be deconstructive at times.
