Namaste, Bitches

Sitting here, playing Bejeweled & a weird random thought came to me.

In the Harry Potter universe, what happens to kids who flunk out of the wizarding schools? What if they cannot, no matter how hard they try, pass the OWLS? Do they get to keep being wizards & practice magic, or do they get stripped of their wizarding abilities & turned into muggles? Do they end up as food vendors or customer service agents? Can a wizard in the Potter world be too stupid to use magic?

I mean, IRL America we have public schools & private schools. Usually if you flunk out of public school they hold you back, but there's a limit. Most of the mentally deficient kids end up in Vo-Tech or trade schools, or they hit the legal drop-out age & do exactly that - drop out, get a job. Usually at McDonald's. In private schools, there's probably a higher incentive to keep kids in school as long as possible, mainly because of those big fat tuition checks, but I imagine there's a limit to what will and won't be tolerated as well.

Sunday, 2pm: Woke up

Sunday, 11pm: Went to work

Monday, 7am: Got off work

Monday, 8am or so: Took a nap

Monday, 10am: Got up, took shower, got dressed

Monday, 11am: Had a mojito at The Orleans to calm my stomach

Monday, 11:15am: Mojito did not solve anxiety runs

Monday, 11:30am: Graduation celebration for Alex & me w/the in-laws at The Orleans buffet

Monday, 1:30pm: Had another mojito once lunch was over. Put $6 in Megabucks machine, did not win

Monday, 3:00pm: Went to Cheyenne campus to get bigger robe

Monday, 4:25pm: On road to Thomas & Mack to see Alex graduate.

Monday, 5pm: In line for graduation, complete in hideous blue robe and funny hat.

Monday, 5:15pm: Still waiting outside back entrance of T&M along with 2000 other students in funny hats & hideous blue robes. Natives growing restless. Felt smug sense of superiority as I was the only woman in sneakers. Trying really hard not to think about rest of ceremony, hoping I will blend in with the blue crew. Wondering what we look like from the air.

Monday, 6pm: Finally inside back entrance of T&M. No organization whatsoever. Man is handing out water bottles, told him tearfully that I didn't want to have to pee. I already had to pee. Choked back tears brought on by talking to someone. Thought about Soylent Blue... er, Green... Looked at shoes a lot to avoid looking at crowd or imagining the stadium above us, filling with supporters.

Monday, 6:15pm: In line on left side of corridor, line on right side of corridor is moving out.

Monday, 6:22pm: Told to move to right side of corridor, being herded out. Panic rising. Still looking at shoes.

Monday, 6:30pm: The entrance procession. Relieved that we are not sitting in risers but in folding chairs on arena floor. Holy crap! Arena floor! Woozy. Gray spots. Stomach roiling. Look at shoes. Looking up through peripheral vision brings sheer terror. People! Look at your motherfucking shoes before you lose it. Tears. Wtf, why tears, just because Pomp & Circumcision is being played by crappy college band? Don't look up. Aw crap, looked up, quick, shoes, stop tears NOW.

Monday, 6:45pm: Because I was at back of Soylent Green line, am now in front of procession. Lined up in front of chairs. Not in the middle of blue herd. Staring at faculty in Harry Potter robes & sashes and funny looking hats. Everyone can see me because I am front & center. How the fuck did that happen?! Stomach in lungs. Colon in knees. Sweating, tears. DON'T LOOK UP. This will end in tears. Applause is deafening from CROWD seated above.

Monday, 6:50pm: Colors are presented. Flags or some shit. Finally, we all turn around. Pledge of Allegiance annoys me, more talk about graduation, more deafening maddening applause, stomping, cheering, whistling, air horns - AIR HORNS?! Wtf, this is graduation not a fucking hockey game, why am I in the middle of the arena floor, anyway? Look at shoes. Begin chanting Diamond Sutra.

Monday, 6:55pm: Oh thank the Gods, we can sit down & they turn off the lights. Tears. More tears.

Monday, 7:00pm: Endless speeches. That's ok, yammer on mindlessly all you want. Napping in self-defense.

Monday, 7:15pm: The name calling starts. By highest honors, then degree. No particular order. Watching people get up on stage, in FRONT OF EVERYFUCKINGBODY, to shake hands & take folder for photo op.

Monday, 7:30pm: Associates of Applied Sciences group called. Get in line. Walk forward, oh crap, photo op - flash! I'm blind! Stagger forward, oh, joy, another photo op, flash! I'm more blind! Aw, fuck, stairs. I'm going to die. Step on robe, almost fall, hand name cards to interpreter & announcer, stumble to folder-shaking-hands person, all I can hear is my heartbeat in my head, stutter past folder person, more steps, robe caught on railing, knees weak, survived, fall into first empty chair, get hollered at to not leave empty seats, move down.

Monday, 7:32pm: Napping in self-defense as rest of groups are called. Natives growing restless, more catcalls & movement from the troops.

Monday, 8something: Recession. Stand up, applause, keep looking at feet because lights have been turned on & am blind. Again. Balloons falling on my head, wtf? It all seems so surreal.

Monday, Shortly past 8 something: Back down Soylent Green hallway, this time in loose rowdy mob of blue hatless folk. Someone offers waterbottle, I bless them in the name of the Goddess.

Monday: 8something to 9pm: Looking for Rob in the goddamned T&M parking lot because all the payphones outside are broken & the doors are locked. Really have to pee. I'm thinking to myself, he's describing me to someone, going, "Have you seen a short, heavyset woman in a blue robe & a funny looking hat?" I walk around in endless circles, as crowd thins I say fuck it & sit down on a bench.

Monday, sometime around 9pm: Rob finds me.

Monday, around 10pm: Home sweet home.

I called upon my inner Mr. Fix-It and went to the college and applied to graduate.

My stomach knotted up to the point where I almost curled up on the ground and puked, but I still finished filling out the application & paid my graduation fee.

Now it's just 4 - 6 weeks of ulcerated agony as I await my packet in the mail.

Mr. Fix-It whispered in my ear that he wanted Corona after all that, and I am obliging him.

The mother-in-law is somehow expecting me to go through the whole cap & gown ceremony when I graduate.

Which is fine, if it was a full-on university and I was getting a real degree.

I've been struggling my way through a community college associates that's taken me 2 years longer to complete than it should have for a degree that is pretty much obsolete and will mean absolutely nothing for me once I have the piece of paper, other than something pretty to add to my resume.

I hate having undue and unwanted attention called to myself. I prefer anonymity over accolades. The thought of getting up on stage in front of a bunch of people I don't even know & being handed a piece of paper by someone I've never met & then having everyone clap at me is not my idea of a good time.

And, to add insult to injury, they want to go to the Tournament of Kings at the Excalibur to celebrate.

Great, I've got 6 months of utter discomfort to look forward to as the mother-in-law will harp on this every opportunity she has.

Fuck my life.

I have to honestly say that I hate what I'm doing for a living. I don't even know if starting at some other business would make it better.

Do you think 35 is too old to become a veterinarian?

I may be sage, but am I divine sage?

Your result for What Spice Are You Test...

You are Sage!

10% Habanero, 30% Sage, 10% Thyme, 10% Ginger, 20% Garlic, 10% Curry, 0% Cinnamon and 10% Oregano!

Take What Spice Are You Test at HelloQuizzy

Part of the fun of having a puppy is feeding them weird (harmless) stuff. Like soda water. Chelsie wants some of whatever we're eating or drinking & Rob's got some club soda. He poured some into a bowl & it's just a riot watching her deal w/the bubbles & fizz. She licks the side of the bowl & backs off, shaking her head. She licks the air above the bowl, she barks at the bowl, she pounces around the bowl. (Oh dear Gods, Rob's now letting her drink it from the bottle... y'all don't even want to know what's going through my head while watching that!)

I've got a 5-page report for my History of Rock class due by midnight & you see what I'm sitting here doing. I was originally going to do it on Peter Gabriel, until I looked at the due date yesterday & saw it was due today. So I said, Ok, fine, Led Zeppelin it is! I love the Mighty Zep, I really do, but I've never tried to write a paper on them before and it's astounding how much I don't know about LZ. Robert Plant got a 2008 Country Music Award for an album he did w/Allison Kraus (which is a fantastic album, too, & they look like they had a lot of fun with the videos). Jimmy Page is an officer of the Order of the British Empire (basically a knighthood) for his charity work w/his wife in Brazil. (Jimmy Page also looks like old Bilbo Baggins now that he's stopped dying his hair black). They also never received a good review from Rolling Stone for any of the albums they released as a band.

Sometimes I think my last lifetime was in the 60s... and I'm starting to rethink my future as a computer geek.

I just did my Ch 7 quiz in the band class, & I already knew all the answers w/out having to read the chapter... Not that 'Who was Brian Epstein to the Beatles?' is a big secret or anything, but it does have me wondering just how much space in my brain is taken up by random music trivia.

My History of Rock class has reminded me exactly how much I love music & loved playing music. I don't know exactly what kind of careers are out there for a middle-aged hasbeen, other than music instructor or 'History of Rock Professor'. I could probably tolerate kids enough to teach them to play Twinkle, Twinkle Little Bat on their beat up school instruments. Usually by high school band students are there because they are band geeks, not because they're forced to take the class - I know because I was a band geek. I just couldn't teach marching band - I can't even march & play at the same time.

I just have this serious yearn to hold an instrument in my hands again & make music, but I barely have any time for anything anymore, what with work, school, Rob & the new dog. Whatever I got would most likely be pushed aside like the drums or the oil paints to paint the drums. I think the one I did should be fully cured by now, I just haven't gotten around to doing any touchups.

Of course, I'd almost prefer The Hierophant to this interpretation:

You are the Hanged Man

Self-sacrifice, Sacrifice, Devotion, Bound.

With the Hanged man there is often a sense of fatalism, waiting for something to happen. Or a fear of
loss from a situation, rather than gain.

The Hanged Man is perhaps the most fascinating card in the deck. It reflects the story of Odin who offered himself as a sacrifice in order to gain knowledge. Hanging from the world tree, wounded by a spear, given no bread or mead, he hung for nine days. On the last day, he saw on the ground runes that had fallen from the tree, understood their meaning, and, coming down, scooped them up for his own. All knowledge is to be found in these runes.

The Hanged Man, in similar fashion, is a card about suspension, not life or death. It signifies selflessness, sacrifice and prophecy. You make yourself vulnerable and in doing so, gain illumination. You see the world differently, with almost mystical insights.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Going to get an echocardiogram this afternoon - yay. The doctor wants to make sure my heart is healthy enough to survive another knee surgery. My cholesterol count went up (it's all the hot sausage & egg breakfasts I've been eating on the weekends because I'm home cooking for Rob) a few points & my EKGs are always wacky. Yes, I am aware there is something wrong with my heart, but I'm so freaking tired of stress tests that don't reveal anything, and I'm sorry, I am not going to get an angiogram done. There is no amount of money you could pay me to have that done. Even if there is something wrong with my heart, I'm not getting it fixed. Sorry, no open heart surgery, no stents, no shunts, no pacemakers, no catheters, no angioplasty. Aint happening. I just foresee this huge argument in my future between me, the doctor & Rob.

At least I'll get out of work a little early today.

School started yesterday & I had to drop a class already. I wish there was some way to know for sure what the professors expected out of their students ahead of time. I pay the extra money to take online classes so I don't have to be in a 'classroom setting' with other students, & the online classes are designed for people who live too far away to commute to school. With this in mind, why do these instructors keep expecting people to do group projects? I'm sorry, but I am not going out of my way to collaborate on anything with anyone just to get a passing grade - especially if I have to depend on someone else's work to get that passing grade in the first place.

Sittin here, minding my own damned business & my nose just started pouring blood.

Ew.

Edited 7:32pm - I took a chapter quiz for my Network+ class & scored 9 out of 10 w/out even reading the whole chapter. I was going to finish reading the chapter since the next test to knock out is the Midterm, but I am afraid to sit here with my head down, hunched over a book.

Sometimes I don't quite 'get' things. I thought to myself, "Hey, the drumming professor has his own website. Why don't I just e-mail him & ask him upfront if his class is suitable for beginners?"

So that's what I did. Now I wait for the reply.

Duh.