Aug. 15th, 2004

Destiny

Aug. 15th, 2004 08:04 am
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Sitting here at the night job, thinking about destiny & Karma. The forces that bind us to whatever we’re doing at the moment. Some Universal record-keeper has determined that, for whatever clockwork reason, I should be sitting here at the Excalibur Hotel in Las Vegas, NV at 4:12am PDT, typing & watching for room & tax to post.
I started working here 3 years & 8 months ago, with the full intent of becoming Head Night Auditor. And I am, so in a way I’ve at least achieved a goal. But why? Why would the Universe be this kind to me? Well, maybe 3 years & 8 months ago, the clock started ticking for changes to occur in Nora’s life. Maybe I needed to be here because if it wasn’t for me being a competent & willing person, Nora would have felt honor-bound to keep her job and continue working here even though she’s going through an emotional breakdown. And if it wasn’t me, then another competent & willing person would have been arranged to fill the role. 2 years from Front Desk Clerk to Relief Auditor, another year to Head Night Auditor. I think I was cast in the role purposefully, though, because it feels like this is what I’m supposed to be doing at this moment. But even if I didn’t feel like it was what I was supposed to be doing, it would still be what I was supposed to be doing, mainly because here I am, doing it.
One of my co-workers, Kelly, always has to pay attention to what other people are doing (or not doing). She’s one of the first to resent people who are standing around not doing anything, especially when there’s a line & a certain clutch of young girls are standing around, usually with their backs to the line, talking. For some reason, Kelly’s got a very strong sense of “if I’m working, everyone else should be working, too”. Not because it’s universally fair or right, but because she feels like they are robbing her of something. Kelly hasn’t gotten it through her head that she could stand around & talk, too. She doesn’t have to work the line like an automaton while others slack. She also doesn’t understand something that only recently occurred to me. They are there to talk to one another, Kelly is there to work the line. They’re all doing what they’re supposed to be doing at that moment.
It’s a perfected system, one the Universe has been working with since the dawn of time. I don’t really believe in coincidence – nothing is coincidental, it’s all meant to happen when it happens. I was writing an inmate awhile back, and he eventually got on my nerves & we quit writing one another. He had asked me to replace a watch battery for him at one point, and I lost the original. It was a tiny watch battery – miniscule, really. The other day, Rob was cleaning & the battery turned up from whatever house lare had done away with it in the first place. Even though I have stopped writing him, I went ahead & replaced the battery & sent it to him, not out of any sense of obligation but because it was what I was supposed to do at that time.
I think it was Thunder’s death that got me thinking. Jody’s beau is in jail up in Oregon. There’s a chance that he’s going to have to serve 3 years probation. It used to be that people could serve probation out of state, but the laws have changed, so even though Brad has Jody, a home & a job here in Las Vegas, the courts of Oregon may still force him to serve his term up there. Jody was hesitant to move because Thunder’s hips had gotten so bad. He finally got to the point where every step was torture – and in a way, I think his soul let go so Jody would be free of the responsibility of taking care of him. Now, even though there’s a good chance she’ll be getting another puppy in the next couple of weeks, an extended car ride w/a healthy puppy is a lot easier than one with a dog w/ailing hips.
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Well, today was my first honest-to-goodness Sunday off - my first actual Sunday off since my vacation in March. I was telling Molly the other day that neither one of us has had, except for vacations & the occasional mental-health day, a weekend off. Molly started about a year before I did, as a Mail/Info clerk & went from that to Front Desk, then Lead, then full Supervisor. And in those 4 years, she's never been able to get a Friday, Saturday or Sunday off. I think once, way back when I first started working the castle, I had Sunday/Mondays off, but then September 11 came along, & since then, I've always worked weekends. Weekend graves - no wonder I'm a burn-out.

So I decided to stay up this morning - did laundry, put some books away, pottered around in Diablo. Me & Rob went out, & the weather felt like 'beach weather' to me - warm, overcast, but a cool breeze drifting around. Dropped a dirty movie off & went to the Texas to see Alien vs. Predator, which is the first movie we've seen on the Big Screen since PotC. It was pretty cool, but lacked some much-needed continuity w/the other Alien movies. The continuity w/the other Predator flicks was fine. There were some plot holes, and the whole thing was filmed in the dark, which was extremely reminiscent of the first Alien movie. All you saw was flashes of claws, teeth, the noise of battle, weapons flying through the air, gunfire... all very hard to make out exactly what was happening. In a way, I'm sure real battles are like that - you see the highlights flash by, enough to recognize two bodies locked in combat. It was pretty cool, all in all. Not a jump-fest, either, which is both a disappointment & a relief.

So then we ate lunch at the Texas food court & I found something unidentifiable & crispy in my Panda Express fortune cookie (the fortune was "Accept the next proposition you receive" - I cheated & told Rob to proposition me.) & we rented Kill Bill II.

While we were in Hollyweird Video, the rain came. It poured. It was pouring sideways. Some poor clerk had left his car windows down & had to run out to remedy the situation. It rained in these huge drops, absolutely wonderful, cool, refreshing, enlivening. By the time we were home about 10 minutes, it was all over. I feel bad for the neighbors - they were painting their house when we left & now their trim is all streaky.

There's a huge, hairy, black spider living in a flower pot on the back porch - for the past couple of days he's been all bunched up like a crotchety old man - today he's fully stretched out. Either way, it's one ugly bug.

So now I'm home again - get to watch KBII & an episode of SG1. Maybe take a bath later & weasle a foot-rub out of Rob. ;)

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