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No More Paxil
Jun. 2nd, 2005 08:33 am
Well, I stopped taking the Paxil two days ago. The light was soooo bad. I could barely look at the computer screen. I'm trying to update my journal so I can track the effects of the medication, but damn... what's the point if you can't even look at the computer because it's too bright? Last night someone had to take one of the fluorescent bulbs out over my head because the office is significantly brighter than the house... but it's not as bad as it was like, Monday or Tuesday. Aggh!
Another thing - I started taking the antidepressant because I feel like I have no motivation, drive or initiative. I am at a dead standstill. Static & stagnant. So what did I do for the past week? Did I do anything mildly creative or original? No. I sat and watched t.v. in the dark. Luckily, the forensics shows that were on were filmed in gloomy locales. Granted, television was more entertaining than normal, but my head was empty. It's a weird feeling, having nothing going on upstairs at all. It's one thing when I reach that state of emptiness when meditating - but to have it going on all the time was something else. I felt very blank.
I've come to the determination that out of all the AdultSwim anime, 'FullMetal Alchemist' has the best theme music.
So now I'm just taking the Elavil because I can get up, go to the bathroom & go back to sleep. I'm obviously dreaming, even tho I don't remember about what - I woke myself up twice because I was talking in my sleep. I know I was pontificating to someone, too - but I don't know what about. Probably more stupid trivia, like the fact that daddy long-legs (aka harvestmen) aren't really spiders, they're opilioids like crabs & mites. There's this urban myth that the daddy long-legs is the most poisonous spider alive, but its fangs are too short to penetrate human skin... not true, because the true daddy longlegs eats rotting organic matter. It is an opportunistic hunter, but a non-venomous opportunistic hunter. I encountered what was probably the world's largest daddy long-legs in the freight elevator at the Ex. I got the feeling that someone was looking at me, but as far as I knew I was alone in the elevator. I looked to my right, tho - and saw this huge freakin' bug dangling between me & the wall. There was a good armslength of space between me & the wall, & this thing had two or three legs on my shoulder & two or three legs on the wall of the elevator, & it was trying desperately to get more legs on me w/out falling. Instead of pitching a hissy fit like I normally do around eight-legged monsters, mainly because my mind said "Wow! That is one big-ass daddy long-legs!" I stepped away from it, closer to the left side of the elevator... it fell against the wall w/an audible sort of banging noise (the inside of the freight elevators are steel) & then scrambled up to the ceiling to dangle over my head. I was quite relieved when the elevator hit the floor & the door opened. A Hispanic lady was waiting for it, & I pointed up & said, "There's a big spider in there" - she looked up, crossed herself & said, "I'm taking the stairs!"
Another thing - I started taking the antidepressant because I feel like I have no motivation, drive or initiative. I am at a dead standstill. Static & stagnant. So what did I do for the past week? Did I do anything mildly creative or original? No. I sat and watched t.v. in the dark. Luckily, the forensics shows that were on were filmed in gloomy locales. Granted, television was more entertaining than normal, but my head was empty. It's a weird feeling, having nothing going on upstairs at all. It's one thing when I reach that state of emptiness when meditating - but to have it going on all the time was something else. I felt very blank.
I've come to the determination that out of all the AdultSwim anime, 'FullMetal Alchemist' has the best theme music.
So now I'm just taking the Elavil because I can get up, go to the bathroom & go back to sleep. I'm obviously dreaming, even tho I don't remember about what - I woke myself up twice because I was talking in my sleep. I know I was pontificating to someone, too - but I don't know what about. Probably more stupid trivia, like the fact that daddy long-legs (aka harvestmen) aren't really spiders, they're opilioids like crabs & mites. There's this urban myth that the daddy long-legs is the most poisonous spider alive, but its fangs are too short to penetrate human skin... not true, because the true daddy longlegs eats rotting organic matter. It is an opportunistic hunter, but a non-venomous opportunistic hunter. I encountered what was probably the world's largest daddy long-legs in the freight elevator at the Ex. I got the feeling that someone was looking at me, but as far as I knew I was alone in the elevator. I looked to my right, tho - and saw this huge freakin' bug dangling between me & the wall. There was a good armslength of space between me & the wall, & this thing had two or three legs on my shoulder & two or three legs on the wall of the elevator, & it was trying desperately to get more legs on me w/out falling. Instead of pitching a hissy fit like I normally do around eight-legged monsters, mainly because my mind said "Wow! That is one big-ass daddy long-legs!" I stepped away from it, closer to the left side of the elevator... it fell against the wall w/an audible sort of banging noise (the inside of the freight elevators are steel) & then scrambled up to the ceiling to dangle over my head. I was quite relieved when the elevator hit the floor & the door opened. A Hispanic lady was waiting for it, & I pointed up & said, "There's a big spider in there" - she looked up, crossed herself & said, "I'm taking the stairs!"
