perzephone | Nov. 7th, 2005

One of my coworkers, a Chinese woman named Sheung-Yi, was being teased by the hyaenas... she wasn't born & raised here in America, so she missed out on all those gross little-kid songs, so I made it a point to look a few up for her. And now, for your viewing pleasure:

Worms

Nobody likes me, everybody hates me,

I think I'll go eat some worms,

Long, skinny, slimy ones; Short, fat, juicy ones,

Itsy, bitsy, fuzzy wuzzy worms.

First you get a shovel, then you get a pail

Ooh how they wiggle & they squirm

Then you rip their heads off & eat them by the tail

Itsy bitsy fuzzy wuzzy worms

Down goes the first one, down goes the second one,

Oh how they wiggle and squirm.

Up comes the first one, up comes the second one,

Oh how they wiggle and squirm.

Nobody likes me, everybody hates me,

I think I'll go eat some worms...

big fat juicy ones, little slimy skinny ones,

hope they don't have germs!"

Ain't Gonna Rain No More

Chorus:

Oh, it ain't gonna rain no more, no more

It ain't gonna rain no more

How in heck can I wash my neck

if it ain't gonna rain no more

[Verses:]

A bum sat by the sewer

And by the sewer he did die

And at the coroners inquest

They call it sewer side

[Chorus]

A peanut sat on the railroad track

It's heart was all a-flutter

Along came the 4:15

Toot toot, peanut butter

[Chorus]

My father is a butcher

My mother is a cook

And I'm the little hot-dog

That runs around the brook

[Chorus]

My father built a chimney

He built it up so high

He had to take it down each night

To let the moon go by

[Chorus]

My daddy is a doctor,

My mommy is a nurse,

And I'm the little needle

That gets you where it hurts...

[Chorus]

Mary had a little lamb,

Her father shot it dead

And now she takes it to school

Between two slices of bread...

My Supervisor

(Tune: My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean)

My supervisor fell into a pothole

In a glacier while climbing an Alp.

He's still there after 50 long winters,

And all you can see is his scalp.

Chorus:

Bring back, bring back,

O bring back my supervisor to me, to me.

Bring back, bring back,

O bring back my supervisor to me, to me.

My supervisor was proud of his whiskers,

To shave them would give him the blues.

They hung all the way to his ankles,

And he used them for shining his shoes.

Chorus:

My supervisor had faith in a sailboat

He had built from an old hollow tree.

My supervisor set sail for Australia,

Now my supervisor lies under the sea.

Chorus:

My supervisor made friends with hyenas,

He gave them a ride on his raft.

When a crocodile reached up and grabbed him,

The hyenas just sat there and laughed.

Chorus:

My supervisor annoyed his dear parents

They tossed him right out of the bus.

And if we don't mend our behavior,

Why that's what will happen to us.

Do Your Ears Hang Low

Do your ears hang low?

Do they wobble to and fro?

Can you tie them in a knot?

Can you tie them in a bow?

Can you throw them over your shoulder

Like a continental soldier?

Do your ears hang low?

Do your ears flip-flop?

Can you use them for a mop?

Are they stringy at the bottom?

Are they curly at the top?

Can you use them for a swatter?

Can you use them for a blotter?

Do your ears flip-flop?

Do your ears hang high?

Do they reach up to the sky?

Do they droop when they're wet?

Do they stiffen when they're dry?

Can you semaphore your neighbor

With a minimum of labor?

Do your ears hang high?

Do your ears hang wide?

Do they flap from side to side?

Do they wave in the breeze

From the slightest little sneeze?

Can you soar above the nation

With a feeling of elation?

Do your ears hang wide?

Do your ears fall off

When you give a great big cough?

Do they lie there on the ground

Orbounce around at every sound?

Can you stick them in your pocket,

Just like little Davey Crocket?

Do your ears fall off

Jaws

(Tune: Do Re Mi)

JAWS A mouth, a great big mouth

TEETH The things that kinda crunch

BITE The friendly sharks "hello"

US His favorite juicy lunch

BLOOD That turns the ocean red

CHOMP That means the sharks been fed

GULP That will bring us back to

JAWS! JAWS! JAWS! JAWS!

Gopher Guts

Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts,

Mutilated monkey meat,

Little birdies dirty feet,

Great green globs of greasy grimy gopher guts,

And I forgot my spoon!

Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts,

Multilated monkey meat,

Itsy bitsy birdie feet,

French fried eye-balls,

Rolling down a muddy street,

And I forgot my spoon.

(pause)

But I got my straw!

Great green gobs of greasy grimey gopher guts,

Mutilated monkey meat,

Saturated birdy feet,

All wrapped up in

All purpose porpoise pus.

And me without a spoon!

Gee whiz! (but I've got a straw)

Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts

Mutilated monkey meat

Chopped up dirty birdy feet.

A one pound jar of all purpose porpoise pus

Swimming in pink lemonade.

Scab sandwich, spit on top

Monkey vomit, camel snot

Eagle eye and cookie goo

Made a sandwich just for you.

On Top of Spaghetti

(Sung to the tune of On Top of Old Smokey)

On top of spaghetti,

All covered with cheese.

I lost my poor meatball,

When somebody sneezed.

It rolled off the table,

And onto the floor.

And then my poor meatball,

Rolled out of the door.

It rolled in the garden,

And under a bush.

And then my poor meatball,

Was nothing but mush.

The mush was as tasty

As tasty could be,

And early next summer

It grew into a tree.

The tree was all covered

With beautiful moss,

It grew lovely meatballs

And tomato sauce.

So if you eat spaghetti,

All covered with cheese,

Hold on to your meatballs

And don't ever sneeze.

My Dead Dog Rover

(Tune: "I'm Looking Over a Four-leaf Clover")

I'm looking over my dead dog Rover,

That I over-ran with the mower.

One leg is missing the other is gone.

The third one is scattered all over the lawn.

No need explaining the one remaining

It's splattered on the kitchen door.

I'm looking over my dead dog rover,

that I over-ran with the mower.

Another verse --

I'm looking over

My dead dog Rover

That I overlooked before

One leg is broken, the other is maimed,

The third I ran over with my CoCo Puff train.

No use explaining,

The parts remaining,

They're mangled beyond repair.

I'm looking over

My dead Dog Rover

That I overlooked, (Big finish)

That I overlooked,

That I overlooked before.

My Bonnie

(Tune: "My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean")

My Bonnie leaned over the gas tank,

The height of its contents to see.

I lit up a match to assist her,

Oh bring back my Bonnie to me.

( Chorus )

Last night as I lay on my pillow,

Last night as I lay on my bed,

I stuck my feet out of the window,

Next morning my neighbors were dead.

(chorus with bring back my neighbors to me)

My Bonnie has tuberculosis,

My Bonnie has only one lung,

My Bonnie can cough up raw oysters'

And roll them around on her tongue.

(chorus: Roll them, roll them, roll them around on her tongue, her tongue...)

My luncheon lies over the ocean,

My breakfast lies over the rail.

My supper lies in great commotion,

Won't someone please bring me a pail.

( chorus: Clams & ice cream don't agree with me, with me..")

Who knows what I had for breakfast?

Who knows what I had for tea?

Who knows what I had for supper?

Just look out the window and see!

Mom, Wash My Underware

(Tune: "God Bless America")

Mom, wash my underware, my only pair.

We can find them, and move them,

From the heap by the side of the chair.

To the washer, to the clothesline,

To my backpack, to my rear.

Mom, wash my underware, my only pair.

Underware

(Tune: "Over There")

Underware, Underware,

How I itch in my woolen underware.

How I wish I'd gotten a pair of cotton,

So I wouldn't itch everywhere.

BVDs make me sneeze.

When the breeze from the trees

Hits my knees.

Coming over, I'm coming over,

In my gosh darned, itchy, woolen underware.

Underware, Underware

Send a pair, send a pair I can wear

For I left mine lyin' outside a dryin'

And I can't find them anywhere

Underware, Underware

Send a pair, send a pair I can wear

Assembly's blowing, I must be going

And I'll get there if I have to get there bare

Baby Bumble Bee

I'm bringing home a baby bumble bee