Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes - Not.

"So this is Christmas,
and what have you done?
Another year older
A new one's just begun..."

It starts going through my head every year about this time. Doesn't help that the calendar flips over on my birthday. No matter how Pagan I am, I can't give up the secular celebration of the New Year.

Registered & paid for my Spring semester, which begins in late January. All on-line classes, too, woohoo!

I am so tired, unbelievably tired, of my life. I want to be dead, I want it to all be over - the endless search for meaning in a meaningless existence. The constant drudgery. Work, school, marriage, life in itself, searching for soul food & a place to eat. I am beyond exhausted with it. Yesterday I dreamed I had AIDS & in the dream was forgetting whether it was just HIV or if it was full blown AIDS. The treatment facility was a mesh of a library, lecture hall & the Excalibur business offices, and I was taking Ativan, which I know is a drug, but I don't think it's part of the HIV/AIDS cocktail - I think Ativan is for a mental illness. Rob said it was because I was thinking of how many naked men I am not seeing on a regular basis, but I don't think it has anything to do w/penii.

Going over the Christmas-card list, wondering if I should skip the whole coworker thing. That's the problem w/having 80 co-workers, plus coworking acquaintances in other departments. If I only give cards out to a few people, I'm elitist, and if I give cards to everyone - well, damn, have you looked at card prices lately? Sheesh. Not to mention all the generic greeting-writing & licking of envelopes.

Thinking about change and the lack thereof in my world. Some people remake themselves, over & over again. They never seem to be who they were the day before. Fickle people, can't settle down with one persona, one self-image. Always have to be tweaking it, seeking some sort of elusive something. I suppose I'd understand it more if I was one of them, but even in high school, I just tried to be normal, accepted, ignored. I went through a brief phase as a bully in jr. high school, mainly because everyone thought I was nuts because I was from SoCal - L.A. had a really bad reputation in the mid to late '80's, and I could tell some hair-raising stories about gang warfare & serial killers. I have tamed down my sluttiness somewhat, mainly because I worry about having sexual harassment charges filed against me - but I can still get my flirt on when appropriate. I have pretty much stopped drinking... stopped going to raves, etc., but I don't think that's so much changing who I am as it is growing older. Even this whole school change - it heralds a change of schedules, but it doesn't change me. Wherever I go, whatever I do, here I am.

Hee Hee! Santa Cthulhu!

Oh Great Cthulhu!

I have been an extremely industrious devotee this year.

In June, I wore an Elder Sign (-10 points). In September, I exposed khalisfyre to soul-rending horrors (250 points). Yesterday, I bombed a cultist gathering (-100 points). In October, I burnt my copy of the Necronomicon (-75 points). In July, I fed khalisfyre to a Shoggoth (250 points). In April, I stopped gwyll from defiling Lovecraft's grave (-20 points).

In short, I have been very good (295 points) and deserve the honour of having my body used as a host for one of your servitors.

Your humble and obedient servant,
Perzephone

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