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Time Passing
Jul. 5th, 2006 08:26 am
Funny, I was just listening to 'Dr. Who' in the background & he was telling a woman how he could feel the movement of the earth as it hurtled through space, each revolution spelling out another day, each trip around the sun marking another year.
I know exactly how he feels. Maybe it's because I'm a Capricorn - born in Winter under the watchful eye of the universal timekeeper, Saturn. My internal clock is always ticking the minutes off. I am so attuned to the calendar - I don't need to go outside & look at the Sun, Moon or stars to know what month it is, what day it is, what time it is. I always just seem to know. Time being relative is nonsense to me - an hour is an hour, a minute is a minute.
Somehow, there's never enough time to get things done - I've spent the past 14 hours working on algebra... that's a lot of life to spend wanting to cry because ya feel so fucking stupid. All that time that could have been spent doing laundry or dishes or baking cookies or reading or something & I had to do something loathesome like higher math. Too much of my life is already spent doing things I don't want to do. 40 hours a week at work leaves me with 128 hours left over... gotta sleep sometimes, figure another 49 hours for sleep, that's more than half my life spent at work or asleep. It takes us about 45 min a night when I'm working each way to & from the Excalibur, so that spells out another 6 hours. Another 4 in the bathroom. 69 hours left. Approx. 18 hours of that are split between my work days, so about 4.5 hours daily for feeding me & Rob, getting dressed, whatever else it is I do in those times after work & before going to work, so my 'weekend' only has 51 hours in it, three 17-hour days. And 14 of one day was spent doing algebra.
That just blows. Especially because I could feel every minute, every agonizing second of it, ticking by me.
I know exactly how he feels. Maybe it's because I'm a Capricorn - born in Winter under the watchful eye of the universal timekeeper, Saturn. My internal clock is always ticking the minutes off. I am so attuned to the calendar - I don't need to go outside & look at the Sun, Moon or stars to know what month it is, what day it is, what time it is. I always just seem to know. Time being relative is nonsense to me - an hour is an hour, a minute is a minute.
Somehow, there's never enough time to get things done - I've spent the past 14 hours working on algebra... that's a lot of life to spend wanting to cry because ya feel so fucking stupid. All that time that could have been spent doing laundry or dishes or baking cookies or reading or something & I had to do something loathesome like higher math. Too much of my life is already spent doing things I don't want to do. 40 hours a week at work leaves me with 128 hours left over... gotta sleep sometimes, figure another 49 hours for sleep, that's more than half my life spent at work or asleep. It takes us about 45 min a night when I'm working each way to & from the Excalibur, so that spells out another 6 hours. Another 4 in the bathroom. 69 hours left. Approx. 18 hours of that are split between my work days, so about 4.5 hours daily for feeding me & Rob, getting dressed, whatever else it is I do in those times after work & before going to work, so my 'weekend' only has 51 hours in it, three 17-hour days. And 14 of one day was spent doing algebra.
That just blows. Especially because I could feel every minute, every agonizing second of it, ticking by me.
