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Waxing Philosophical
Dec. 7th, 2006 07:42 am
Just for the record, I'm one math problem, one chapter test & one final away from being finished w/math for this semester. I've been a very good girl the past couple of days. I want to get all this school shit out of the way before the Winter Holiday begins on WoW ;)
Anyway, Rob's got Angel on in the background, & Angel goes to see what I can only assume is a psychologist. He asks Angel why he chooses to wear black, & Angel says since he has no reflection, it makes getting dressed easier. The shrink replies, "But you do have a reflection. It's in the eyes of everyone who knows you" (or something to that effect).
Yanno, I don't think I've ever asked anyone, "What do you see in me?" Rob asks me sometimes, and I have to think of pretty, harmless lies. I feel dishonorable every time it happens, but it's better than hurting his feelings on a daily basis. I know what I see when I look in a mirror... this morning I'm pale & drawn around the eyes. I've got those greenish shiners again. Blemishes & chapped lips standing out rosy red against pale white, black hair already showing grey at the roots, even though I just colored it last week. Too much time spent on the other side, trying to get to work on time. Las Vegas traffic is slowly killing me, or at least making me older. I don't look well or healthy to myself. I look so freaking tired, thin lipped & despondent. Everyone had a smile for me last night, though, and it was a struggle to return kindness with kindness. I wonder, why did people smile at me when I look so shitty?
I've made my commitment to at least cut back on some things. Coca-Cola was the first thing on the list. No more soda. I made ice, whipped out my iced tea machine & haven't had a Coke in three nights now. It also spells out a cut-back on caffeine, which is definitely a hardship. No more bread - it's a curse, really. All I think about is bread. And potatoes. No potatoes. The sweet potatoes I made the other night were okay - yams aren't quite as bad as white potatoes. My next step is cutting down on the sugar I put in my coffee. I'd switch to black, but the acid content rips my gut up right now & the half & half sort of mitigates that effect - and for some reason, Cafe au Lait doesn't taste right with no sugar. I've been having at least one cup of coffee with milk & sugar every day since I was three or four. I went four years without caffeine to try & lower my b.p. naturally & that was Hell. I also cut out all salt & fat for a couple of years. Walked around w/no cholesterol in my body whatsoever... the worst part about those years of self-denial & self-discipline is that it just didn't work. Still had high b.p. Still have high b.p. Now I take my meds & eats my salt & I don't worry about it. The worst that could happen is that they won't be able to use my corneas for transplants when I die.
Anyway, Rob's got Angel on in the background, & Angel goes to see what I can only assume is a psychologist. He asks Angel why he chooses to wear black, & Angel says since he has no reflection, it makes getting dressed easier. The shrink replies, "But you do have a reflection. It's in the eyes of everyone who knows you" (or something to that effect).
Yanno, I don't think I've ever asked anyone, "What do you see in me?" Rob asks me sometimes, and I have to think of pretty, harmless lies. I feel dishonorable every time it happens, but it's better than hurting his feelings on a daily basis. I know what I see when I look in a mirror... this morning I'm pale & drawn around the eyes. I've got those greenish shiners again. Blemishes & chapped lips standing out rosy red against pale white, black hair already showing grey at the roots, even though I just colored it last week. Too much time spent on the other side, trying to get to work on time. Las Vegas traffic is slowly killing me, or at least making me older. I don't look well or healthy to myself. I look so freaking tired, thin lipped & despondent. Everyone had a smile for me last night, though, and it was a struggle to return kindness with kindness. I wonder, why did people smile at me when I look so shitty?
I've made my commitment to at least cut back on some things. Coca-Cola was the first thing on the list. No more soda. I made ice, whipped out my iced tea machine & haven't had a Coke in three nights now. It also spells out a cut-back on caffeine, which is definitely a hardship. No more bread - it's a curse, really. All I think about is bread. And potatoes. No potatoes. The sweet potatoes I made the other night were okay - yams aren't quite as bad as white potatoes. My next step is cutting down on the sugar I put in my coffee. I'd switch to black, but the acid content rips my gut up right now & the half & half sort of mitigates that effect - and for some reason, Cafe au Lait doesn't taste right with no sugar. I've been having at least one cup of coffee with milk & sugar every day since I was three or four. I went four years without caffeine to try & lower my b.p. naturally & that was Hell. I also cut out all salt & fat for a couple of years. Walked around w/no cholesterol in my body whatsoever... the worst part about those years of self-denial & self-discipline is that it just didn't work. Still had high b.p. Still have high b.p. Now I take my meds & eats my salt & I don't worry about it. The worst that could happen is that they won't be able to use my corneas for transplants when I die.
