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Paint By Numbers
Feb. 18th, 2008 10:15 pm
I give you money and send you into the grocery store to pick up 5 items. You can only pick one thing from the following departments.. what is it?
1. Produce: Garlic
2. Bakery: Pita bread
3. Meat: Lamb shanks
4. Frozen: Spinach
5. Other goods: Olive oil
Let's say we're heading out for a weekend getaway. Not too cold, not too hot location. You're allowed to bring 6 articles of clothing with you, shoes are a given. So, what's in your bag?
6 items. Wow. This is way more clothing than I normally wear... I'm more of a 3-piece person.
1. Bra.
2. Jeans
3. T-shirt
4. Erm... maybe those black boy-shorts undies I have? For sleeping?
5. Maybe a tank-top to go w/the boy-short undies.
6. Ok, spare t-shirt in case the first one suffers some calamity.
If I was to listen in on one of your conversations throughout the day, what 5 phrases or words would I be most likely to hear?
1. Holy moly!
2. What the fuck!?
3. Sweet!
4. Nice!
5. Yarp? (If you know where I picked this particular word up, you automatically earn 10 cool points)
Sweet, you just scored a whole afternoon to yourself. We're talking a 3 hour block with nobody around. What 5 activities might we find you doing?
1. Listening to Afro Celt Sound System or Nomad really, really loud. Or maybe, just maybe, N.W.A.
2. Taking a long, hot bath
3. Reading something short and meaningful in the bathtub.
4. Falling asleep in the tub and getting my short, meaningful book wet.
5. Napping on the couch after turning the music down and unsuccessfully trying to dry the book with the hair dryer.
We're going to the zoo. But, it looks like it could start storming, so it'll have to be a quick visit. What 3 exhibits do we have to get to?
You can go to the zoo on your own. While I was once an avid zoo and aquarium-goer, I have decided that this is unnatural. All I can think about is over-bred retarded white tigers. It is so wrong to put the last of anything in a cage and watch it slowly go mad. Maybe it's more personal - I spent 4 years in a cubicle while people would roam through my exhibit and poke me with sticks, so I kind of know how it feels. Makes a person want to throw feces after awhile. (Hey, now I know something else I can add to my list of things to do my last day at the Excalibur!)
1.
2.
3.
You're hungry for ice cream. I'll give you a triple dipper ice cream cone. What 3 flavors can I pile on for ya?
1. Green Tea!!!!
2. German Chocolate Cake!!!
2. Rainbow Sherbet!!!
(Speaking of the Excalibur, they just called me... Gee, I wonder if they want me to come in & work graveyard tonight? Considering it's 10:30pm, they probably want me for midnight. Of course I have to be at my real job at 8am. Bwahahahaha!!!!)
Somebody stole your purse/wallet…in order to get it back, you have to name 5 things you know are inside to claim it. So, what's in there?
1. My wallet with all my ID & credit cards in it.
2. Ok, they're not in my purse, but I have Ed & Al Elric keychains hanging off my purse.
3. My eyeglasses - actually in a case.
4. A Microsoft pen I stole from Martin. It's sexy, and red, and says Microsoft on it.
5. A bottle of assorted pills - Tylenol, Pepto-Bismol, ibuprofen, Vivarin, etc.
You are at a job fair, and asked what areas you are interested in pursuing a career in. Let's pretend you have every talent and ability to be whatever you wanted, so what 4 careers would be fun for you?
1. I would like to shoot chickens out of a cannon at planes.
2. Horse breeder ;) Or a dog breeder. Especially big dogs.
3. Mortician
4. I'd also like to work for Blowfish testing sex toys and reviewing videos.
If you could go back and talk to the old you, when you were in high school, and inform yourself of 4 things, what would you say?
1.Lose some weight now, kid, before you hit 30 & it becomes permanent. Oh, weight, I wasn't really that fat til after high school. I was thinking about when I was like, 5 through 10. Um... when that guy offers to take you to Amsterdam, just get on the damned plane.
2. No matter how much it sucks, get your diploma.
3. Start learning the names of people you fuck.
4. When you get your trust fund, get thee to a University. Do not give Jody or Terry any money, do not buy expensive Mopar cars and blow wads of cash on make-up you never wear.
NEXT:
1.Are you younger than 19?
No
2. Have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with a J?
Probably - I've kissed a lot of people in my lifetime. In a family way, half my relatives have J-names. Judy, Jody, Jeanie, Jackie, Jillie, Joanie, Jennifer, Jamie, etc & so forth.
3. How many bath robes do you own?
None.
4. Favourite genres of music?
It's easier to name music I don't like - namely C/W created after 1985 or so and most modern hip-hop/pop.
5. Do you like someone?
What an oddly generic question. I know what it means because I was 13 once, but still... coming from an older perspective, no, I don't like like someone and I'm glad I don't normally use doubled words as adjectives. I don't like like to go shopping shopping at the mall mall.
6. Do you have any disorders?
Yes. Panic, chaos, disorder - my work here is done.
7. Have you ever eaten uncooked ramen?
Yeah, I've tried it. Ever eaten tuna-ramen casserole?
8. Ever eaten a bug?
Yes, and every now and then I still do if no one's looking.
9. What are you listening to right now?
I think it's Naruto behind me, but I'm not entirely sure. There are a lot of angsty teen-age anime series on the Cartoon Network.
10. Is there a place you would like to visit?
I'd like to go back to New Mexico and spend time exploring. I'd also like to go to Alaska to see polar bears. And Nova Scotia.
11.What is your favorite kind of dog?
I love Aussie Heeler/Shepherd mixes. They are the best dogs on the planet. But I am awed by sighthounds of all types, especially the antique breeds like Pharoah hounds, Ibizan hounds, Basenjis who can cry but cannot bark, Sloughis, Salukis... Salukis are the only dogs the Bedouins view as being 'clean'. Honestly, I like most smooth & silky-haired hounds. Weimeraners, Viszla, pot-bellied blue-tick 'coon hounds who bay with that great ringing song, harlequin Great Danes, clicky-toe-nailed Beagles, floppy Labs. I like dog dogs, dogs you can thump in the ribs and push around with your shoulder, dogs who lay their big heavy heads on your chest and look up at you with wide expectant eyes, cunning dogs who bring their leashes to you, stupid dogs who eat linoleum and tennis shoes, cowardly dogs who hide under the couch when it thunders but who bring you some guys pants because he cut across the wrong yard, moondogs & lunatics who chase cops out of their own cars. All the dogs I've known I love & I love all the dogs I've known. They've tied their lives to ours since the beginning, skulking around the midden piles and birthing huts, braving the fear of fire to bask in its warmth, helping us hunt, guiding us through the snow, helping us protect our homes and livestock and families... what is there not to love about a dog?
12. Which would you rather be, a pirate or a ninja?
Pirate! Yar!
13. Have you ever fallen in front of a lot of people?
Um, yeah.
14. Do you like winter?
As long as it doesn't snow, it's okay.
15. Does your screen name have numbers in it?
No.
16. Are you in a band?
No.
18. What are you scared of?
Getting old.
19. How long have you had your myspace for?
Nope, no myspace here.
20. Favorite beverage?
Brewed unsweetened iced tea
1. Produce: Garlic
2. Bakery: Pita bread
3. Meat: Lamb shanks
4. Frozen: Spinach
5. Other goods: Olive oil
Let's say we're heading out for a weekend getaway. Not too cold, not too hot location. You're allowed to bring 6 articles of clothing with you, shoes are a given. So, what's in your bag?
6 items. Wow. This is way more clothing than I normally wear... I'm more of a 3-piece person.
1. Bra.
2. Jeans
3. T-shirt
4. Erm... maybe those black boy-shorts undies I have? For sleeping?
5. Maybe a tank-top to go w/the boy-short undies.
6. Ok, spare t-shirt in case the first one suffers some calamity.
If I was to listen in on one of your conversations throughout the day, what 5 phrases or words would I be most likely to hear?
1. Holy moly!
2. What the fuck!?
3. Sweet!
4. Nice!
5. Yarp? (If you know where I picked this particular word up, you automatically earn 10 cool points)
Sweet, you just scored a whole afternoon to yourself. We're talking a 3 hour block with nobody around. What 5 activities might we find you doing?
1. Listening to Afro Celt Sound System or Nomad really, really loud. Or maybe, just maybe, N.W.A.
2. Taking a long, hot bath
3. Reading something short and meaningful in the bathtub.
4. Falling asleep in the tub and getting my short, meaningful book wet.
5. Napping on the couch after turning the music down and unsuccessfully trying to dry the book with the hair dryer.
We're going to the zoo. But, it looks like it could start storming, so it'll have to be a quick visit. What 3 exhibits do we have to get to?
You can go to the zoo on your own. While I was once an avid zoo and aquarium-goer, I have decided that this is unnatural. All I can think about is over-bred retarded white tigers. It is so wrong to put the last of anything in a cage and watch it slowly go mad. Maybe it's more personal - I spent 4 years in a cubicle while people would roam through my exhibit and poke me with sticks, so I kind of know how it feels. Makes a person want to throw feces after awhile. (Hey, now I know something else I can add to my list of things to do my last day at the Excalibur!)
1.
2.
3.
You're hungry for ice cream. I'll give you a triple dipper ice cream cone. What 3 flavors can I pile on for ya?
1. Green Tea!!!!
2. German Chocolate Cake!!!
2. Rainbow Sherbet!!!
(Speaking of the Excalibur, they just called me... Gee, I wonder if they want me to come in & work graveyard tonight? Considering it's 10:30pm, they probably want me for midnight. Of course I have to be at my real job at 8am. Bwahahahaha!!!!)
Somebody stole your purse/wallet…in order to get it back, you have to name 5 things you know are inside to claim it. So, what's in there?
1. My wallet with all my ID & credit cards in it.
2. Ok, they're not in my purse, but I have Ed & Al Elric keychains hanging off my purse.
3. My eyeglasses - actually in a case.
4. A Microsoft pen I stole from Martin. It's sexy, and red, and says Microsoft on it.
5. A bottle of assorted pills - Tylenol, Pepto-Bismol, ibuprofen, Vivarin, etc.
You are at a job fair, and asked what areas you are interested in pursuing a career in. Let's pretend you have every talent and ability to be whatever you wanted, so what 4 careers would be fun for you?
1. I would like to shoot chickens out of a cannon at planes.
2. Horse breeder ;) Or a dog breeder. Especially big dogs.
3. Mortician
4. I'd also like to work for Blowfish testing sex toys and reviewing videos.
If you could go back and talk to the old you, when you were in high school, and inform yourself of 4 things, what would you say?
1.
2. No matter how much it sucks, get your diploma.
3. Start learning the names of people you fuck.
4. When you get your trust fund, get thee to a University. Do not give Jody or Terry any money, do not buy expensive Mopar cars and blow wads of cash on make-up you never wear.
NEXT:
1.Are you younger than 19?
No
2. Have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with a J?
Probably - I've kissed a lot of people in my lifetime. In a family way, half my relatives have J-names. Judy, Jody, Jeanie, Jackie, Jillie, Joanie, Jennifer, Jamie, etc & so forth.
3. How many bath robes do you own?
None.
4. Favourite genres of music?
It's easier to name music I don't like - namely C/W created after 1985 or so and most modern hip-hop/pop.
5. Do you like someone?
What an oddly generic question. I know what it means because I was 13 once, but still... coming from an older perspective, no, I don't like like someone and I'm glad I don't normally use doubled words as adjectives. I don't like like to go shopping shopping at the mall mall.
6. Do you have any disorders?
Yes. Panic, chaos, disorder - my work here is done.
7. Have you ever eaten uncooked ramen?
Yeah, I've tried it. Ever eaten tuna-ramen casserole?
8. Ever eaten a bug?
Yes, and every now and then I still do if no one's looking.
9. What are you listening to right now?
I think it's Naruto behind me, but I'm not entirely sure. There are a lot of angsty teen-age anime series on the Cartoon Network.
10. Is there a place you would like to visit?
I'd like to go back to New Mexico and spend time exploring. I'd also like to go to Alaska to see polar bears. And Nova Scotia.
11.What is your favorite kind of dog?
I love Aussie Heeler/Shepherd mixes. They are the best dogs on the planet. But I am awed by sighthounds of all types, especially the antique breeds like Pharoah hounds, Ibizan hounds, Basenjis who can cry but cannot bark, Sloughis, Salukis... Salukis are the only dogs the Bedouins view as being 'clean'. Honestly, I like most smooth & silky-haired hounds. Weimeraners, Viszla, pot-bellied blue-tick 'coon hounds who bay with that great ringing song, harlequin Great Danes, clicky-toe-nailed Beagles, floppy Labs. I like dog dogs, dogs you can thump in the ribs and push around with your shoulder, dogs who lay their big heavy heads on your chest and look up at you with wide expectant eyes, cunning dogs who bring their leashes to you, stupid dogs who eat linoleum and tennis shoes, cowardly dogs who hide under the couch when it thunders but who bring you some guys pants because he cut across the wrong yard, moondogs & lunatics who chase cops out of their own cars. All the dogs I've known I love & I love all the dogs I've known. They've tied their lives to ours since the beginning, skulking around the midden piles and birthing huts, braving the fear of fire to bask in its warmth, helping us hunt, guiding us through the snow, helping us protect our homes and livestock and families... what is there not to love about a dog?
12. Which would you rather be, a pirate or a ninja?
Pirate! Yar!
13. Have you ever fallen in front of a lot of people?
Um, yeah.
14. Do you like winter?
As long as it doesn't snow, it's okay.
15. Does your screen name have numbers in it?
No.
16. Are you in a band?
No.
18. What are you scared of?
Getting old.
19. How long have you had your myspace for?
Nope, no myspace here.
20. Favorite beverage?
Brewed unsweetened iced tea
