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Just Musings
Feb. 25th, 2009 10:19 pm
I've been having some of the strangest urges lately. One is not that strange. I miss the ocean. It's bad this time, tho. I can smell the ocean, I can taste the ocean, I can hear the ocean... I just cannot see or touch the ocean. I always miss the ocean but right now it's almost enough for me to start walking to it. Of course, I won't because I'm a grown-up & have a job & all that, but... I feel my heart keening for it. So I lay in bed at night & listen to my New Agey Sounds of the Ocean cds & cast my mind out like a net.
I've been talking to Seal a lot. I have an impression of what Seal is, but I'm not entirely sure. The legend of the selchie has taken on greater meaning to me personally.
I've been dreaming dreams filled with seals and dreaming that I am a seal. Or a dream that I am somewhere like San Francisco, full of salty fog that lays against my skin like a cool wet kiss, in an empty house. I hear water dripping from every rafter, water in the walls, I can feel the surf against the shore coming from the floorboards under me. And I am searching for something. Opening cabinets, drawers, pulling up loose floorboards, looking behind doors. There is a heavy dark wooden sideboard with carvings of stags & boars on it, and it is locked and too heavy for me to move, too wellmade for me to pry open with my fog-slippery fingers. Even though the damp has warped all the walls and floors & the doors swing open or closed depending on which direction the frames have buckled, the sideboard is sound. If I lay my head against it, I can hear the ocean inside it. Last night I was kind of startled awake by the realization that I was naked because eventually I gave up & curled into a ball between the sideboard and the wall & started crying, but I couldn't tell if I had tears or if it was just the fog. In a way I think it's the two elements that are strongest within me fighting it out. Earth and that constant, relentless struggle with money, work & trying to live in the real world vs. the Water, some loose pipe of creativity or emotion has burst somewhere inside me & is slowly flooding the sub-basement or something. It's obviously gotten deep enough that seals can swim in it, so eventually things are going to start floating to the surface.
Selkies live. I suspect they benefit from having no concept of future.
- John Caddy
I've been talking to Seal a lot. I have an impression of what Seal is, but I'm not entirely sure. The legend of the selchie has taken on greater meaning to me personally.
I've been dreaming dreams filled with seals and dreaming that I am a seal. Or a dream that I am somewhere like San Francisco, full of salty fog that lays against my skin like a cool wet kiss, in an empty house. I hear water dripping from every rafter, water in the walls, I can feel the surf against the shore coming from the floorboards under me. And I am searching for something. Opening cabinets, drawers, pulling up loose floorboards, looking behind doors. There is a heavy dark wooden sideboard with carvings of stags & boars on it, and it is locked and too heavy for me to move, too wellmade for me to pry open with my fog-slippery fingers. Even though the damp has warped all the walls and floors & the doors swing open or closed depending on which direction the frames have buckled, the sideboard is sound. If I lay my head against it, I can hear the ocean inside it. Last night I was kind of startled awake by the realization that I was naked because eventually I gave up & curled into a ball between the sideboard and the wall & started crying, but I couldn't tell if I had tears or if it was just the fog. In a way I think it's the two elements that are strongest within me fighting it out. Earth and that constant, relentless struggle with money, work & trying to live in the real world vs. the Water, some loose pipe of creativity or emotion has burst somewhere inside me & is slowly flooding the sub-basement or something. It's obviously gotten deep enough that seals can swim in it, so eventually things are going to start floating to the surface.
Selkies live. I suspect they benefit from having no concept of future.
- John Caddy
