Writer's Block: Mirror, mirror

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Broken mirror? No problem.
Cat of any color crossing my path? No problem.

Walking under a ladder? I wouldn't worry so much about bad luck as I would about causing an accident or having something dropped on my head.

Opening an umbrella indoors? Hey, as long as no one is close enough to it to get poked, no problem.

Spill salt?

Yeah, I throw some over my shoulder. Don't ask me why... it just feels important. Salt is sacred and spilling it is just bad mojo if you don't acknowledge it somehow.

Pathwalking

I just got out of the bath tub, which was heaven after being on a bathless restriction due to the kidney surgery & subsequent stent. I was reading a book about the QBLH, and had some revelations, and was seriously going to sit down and blog my ass off.

However, when I got out of the tub, Chelsie wanted to have a towel fight. When the towel fight was over & I sat down and started to upload my Autumn avatar, she started pacing around the door. Rob, who is absorbed in Wintergrasp or something, says, "I think she needs to go out". I tell him, "give me a minute". Chelsie then goes over & starts licking Rob's feet, which cued him to ask, "Does she have water?" Much back and forthery ensues because I've got to get up to let her out, anyway (which means going outside with a flashlight and an extra shoe in the event of a zombie scorpion apocalypse). So I fill her dish from the filtered water pitcher, and give her food. Then I had to refill the filtered water pitcher with water it could filter. So I saw the coffee pot, sitting there empty, and said to myself, "well, while I'm in here..." & set up the coffee pot for the morning. Since I was in the kitchen, filling up dog bowls, pitchers and coffee pots, might as well take my pills, right? After circuiting the kitchen, I took the dog out, scanning walls & the porch ceiling for armored invaders. Figured, well, I'm outside, might as well say my thanks to the Great Mystery. The dog finally peed. She came inside and dropped a cricket on the floor. Dog had to go back outside while I scooped up said drool-covered cricket & threw it outside. I haven't even gotten out of my towels from the bath at this point, so my first attempt at scooping the cricket up meant the towel wrapped around my hair unfurled and the plastic container, piece of paper and drooled-on cricket all went to the floor.

Finally, here I am, no crickets in the living room, hair brushed, night gown on, dog fed & watered & relieved, teeth brushed, coffee pot filled... Rob still doing fuck knows what in WoW.

This whole chain of events is actually quite hilarious, considering my revelation.

When I was a younger woman, I was dissatisfied with my existence and sought to change it. Using the QBLH for many things, mainly its nifty system of correspondences, I practiced magic(k) and witchcraft to inflict change I desired on the world around me. The QBLH helped me put spells together...

Malkuth, earth, oak, dog, bull, green, North, Cerridwen, Demeter
Binah, Saturn, graveyard dirt, goofer dust, black, Les Barons, Saturday

As I got older, and moved away from trying to inflict change on the world around me, I instead began using the QBLH to transcend the world, to rise above it, to reach enlightenment. I spent more time in the Ain Soph Aur than on Earth. My life was spent in Daath and Kether, always seeking a way out.

Now, I've come to realize that I've somehow reconciled those two halves of myself. I no longer seek to change the world around me, at least not much. Yes, I'd like to live a more comfortable life, free from health problems and money worries. I like having the security of a good job. I'm also always trying to be more than just a clod of clay and salt. I still believe in the lessons of Jonathon Livingston Seagull, that we are all limitless beings of light, the Divine Spark still burns brightly within each and every one of us.

Here's what I seem to have integrated. I can be of the world and in the world, and still be a core of fiery light within an egg of chaotic potential. Instead of seeking to change the world to bring it more in line with my vision, or seeking to change myself until I am no longer recognizable as being part of the world, I am bringing my vision more in line with the heart breaking, breath-taking awe and wonder that is the Divine Mystery right here on earth. Which is why, when I came out of the bath, filled with heady thoughts about how amazing my revelation truly was, there was the dog and Rob to pop my little pink balloon. Yes, I am a limitless being of light - but I am also me: short, fat, tired and achy, needing to go to bed.

I think I am going to embark on some Qabalistic pathworking. Not the officially sanctioned, accredited degree system PathWorking™ of the OTO or Golden Dawn or Newly Reformed Hermetic Orthodox of Isis the Multi-Veiled Triple-Aspected Priestess of All Things Eris Has Nothing to Do With Whatsoever... just my own journey down the trails of the Tree of Life. I think it'll be interesting to see who I meet now that I've got slightly different eyes.