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Bowling Shirt Guy
Mar. 1st, 2010 12:03 pm
I've been delving a little deeper into the appearance of Bowling Shirt Guy in my dream. Why did I get such an instant attraction to someone I wouldn't normally think I'd be attracted? Why was he in my dream in the first place? Why was he helping me clean out the fridge & wash dishes? Why did he belong to someone else? Because I don't have them often, my dreams are always sacred to me, even if I'm dreaming about housework or my job, so when I do dream - and I do remember the dream - they tend to have an impact on me. I automatically seek the significance because in my world, there is no such thing as 'just a dream'.
I've never had a problem with my own inner masculinity. I was never forced to be girlie when I was a little kid. I was 'daddy's little girl', but instead of being coddled, petted & spoiled, I wanted to be like my dad. I wanted to wear cowboy boots & drive a truck. I had no time for tea parties, Barbie & baby dolls - my world was one of mechanical devices that got taken apart to see what made them work, models, grease, deisel exhaust and rain. I never had the experience of being told that something was beyond my grasp because it was 'for boys'. Jobs, games, toys, hobbies - my parents pretty much let me have free reign over my role in life. The only thing they ever said to me was they hoped I would have a better life than just being a trucker. They would have thought my current position as an LOA would be preferable to life on the open road.
I think, as a result, I've always had a good relationship with my animus. I'm not up on Jungian psychology too much, but I do know a lot of women have dreams of 'dark men', dreams of fear & pursuit. They run from their shadowy masculine sides in dreams, even if they've never been pursued in real life. There is an uneasiness about men, especially strange men. For me, I never had those kinds of dreams. I haven't ever dreamed that I'm running from a half-seen, dark shadow of a man with ill intent. My dreams of pursuit involve monsters, not humans, and I rarely have them. The 'chicken coop' dream, the 'junk yard' dream, the 'Leviathan dream' - those are my dreams of anxiety and fear. I don't fear men in real life, but there is a part of me that knows I am strong enough to defend myself and do someone real damage if pushed into it. In fact, I've sent a couple people to the ER. I rarely worry about my physical safety, so I don't dream about it. I'm comfortable (mostly) with my own inner darkness, too. It doesn't scare me. I know what it could be capable of, and I'm ok with it. I don't fear myself because I know myself and for the most part, I trust myself. I even trust my occasional bouts of the crazies. I may do myself in one of these days when I have one of my crazy times, but, eh.
Anyway, what this boils down to is that it's possible that Bowling Shirt Guy might just be the personification of my animus. He's my masculine qualities and traits in a particularly interesting form. It says a lot about my masculine side if that is who he is (as opposed to being a fantasy wrought from me turning 36 & hitting the fabled sexual peak women are supposed to get at my age). So, if BSG is my animus... my masculine side is a bit outdated, with some old-fashioned ideals, but he prefers to work with his hands and he believes in getting things done. When he punches out for the day, he doesn't want to be nagged at or given more chores - he wants to put his feet up, watch t.v. & have a beer. What I see in him is that he fixes things. If something is broken or is causing complaints, he fixes it. That is definitely me - I hate when people bitch about things and do nothing to solve the problem. I try to fix things that other people are perfectly happy to just bitch about, even if it's something that's not really even my job to fix. He also just wants to get the job done - he doesn't want to stand around yakking about it - which is also me. He also believes that if he asks someone to do something, they should just freaking do it.
I need food - will probably continue this later.
I've never had a problem with my own inner masculinity. I was never forced to be girlie when I was a little kid. I was 'daddy's little girl', but instead of being coddled, petted & spoiled, I wanted to be like my dad. I wanted to wear cowboy boots & drive a truck. I had no time for tea parties, Barbie & baby dolls - my world was one of mechanical devices that got taken apart to see what made them work, models, grease, deisel exhaust and rain. I never had the experience of being told that something was beyond my grasp because it was 'for boys'. Jobs, games, toys, hobbies - my parents pretty much let me have free reign over my role in life. The only thing they ever said to me was they hoped I would have a better life than just being a trucker. They would have thought my current position as an LOA would be preferable to life on the open road.
I think, as a result, I've always had a good relationship with my animus. I'm not up on Jungian psychology too much, but I do know a lot of women have dreams of 'dark men', dreams of fear & pursuit. They run from their shadowy masculine sides in dreams, even if they've never been pursued in real life. There is an uneasiness about men, especially strange men. For me, I never had those kinds of dreams. I haven't ever dreamed that I'm running from a half-seen, dark shadow of a man with ill intent. My dreams of pursuit involve monsters, not humans, and I rarely have them. The 'chicken coop' dream, the 'junk yard' dream, the 'Leviathan dream' - those are my dreams of anxiety and fear. I don't fear men in real life, but there is a part of me that knows I am strong enough to defend myself and do someone real damage if pushed into it. In fact, I've sent a couple people to the ER. I rarely worry about my physical safety, so I don't dream about it. I'm comfortable (mostly) with my own inner darkness, too. It doesn't scare me. I know what it could be capable of, and I'm ok with it. I don't fear myself because I know myself and for the most part, I trust myself. I even trust my occasional bouts of the crazies. I may do myself in one of these days when I have one of my crazy times, but, eh.
Anyway, what this boils down to is that it's possible that Bowling Shirt Guy might just be the personification of my animus. He's my masculine qualities and traits in a particularly interesting form. It says a lot about my masculine side if that is who he is (as opposed to being a fantasy wrought from me turning 36 & hitting the fabled sexual peak women are supposed to get at my age). So, if BSG is my animus... my masculine side is a bit outdated, with some old-fashioned ideals, but he prefers to work with his hands and he believes in getting things done. When he punches out for the day, he doesn't want to be nagged at or given more chores - he wants to put his feet up, watch t.v. & have a beer. What I see in him is that he fixes things. If something is broken or is causing complaints, he fixes it. That is definitely me - I hate when people bitch about things and do nothing to solve the problem. I try to fix things that other people are perfectly happy to just bitch about, even if it's something that's not really even my job to fix. He also just wants to get the job done - he doesn't want to stand around yakking about it - which is also me. He also believes that if he asks someone to do something, they should just freaking do it.
I need food - will probably continue this later.
