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Writer's Block: Kids or child-free?
Mar. 10th, 2010 11:19 am
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I've always known that I didn't want kids. I never wanted to play 'mommy' when I was a little girl, babies never filled me with that, "oooh, baby!" feeling. I hated baby-sitting. Now, sometimes babies are cute, but mostly they all look alike to me, and none ever make my 'breasts ache with longing' or any of that other maternal nurturing crap that normal women apparently feel whenever confronted by images or the presence of babies or children.
I sometimes find myself needing to justify it to people who push for some concrete answer for my childlessness with things like, "The world is overpopulated as it is and I cannot justify bringing another consumer into a western-civilized nation where 5% of the earth's population uses over 60% of the earth's resources" or whatever the Hell that figure is. Honestly, though, I can't say why I've never wanted children. I can't even really say I hate kids - I don't wish them any specific harm, and I dislike being around them for the most part, but it's really more that I'm completely uninterested in them as potential human beings. They're noisy and dirty and spread disease. They can't control their emotions or bodily functions and have irrational responses to stimuli. I've pretty much ended in-person friendships when my friends had kids - it's not fair to them as parents to always expect them to visit alone, or go out alone, and I just can't stand being around their offspring enough to make the in-person part of the friendship work.
Everyone always tells me that cliche of "it's different when they're yours". I'm sorry, but, noise, dirt, illness, irrational emotional responses, puke, shit and snot are all the same, no matter the source. I've also heard, "who will take care of you when you're old?" My parents both died while I was still a minor - how was I supposed to take care of them in their old age? I plan to take care of me when I'm old. In fact, I have fairly well-laid plans to take care of myself before I get old and become burdensome. In my age bracket and with my financial history, it's pretty clear that I will never be able to afford a traditional retirement. I will have to work until I die. Chances are, I'll have to keep working to afford any kind of after-death care as well. If I get hit with dementia or Alzheimer's, it won't matter who is taking care of me at that point because I won't know who they are anyway, relative or not. As for, "if you have kids you won't be alone when you die", well, most of my relatives died in hospitals or hospice care, surrounded by doctors and nurses and support staff. Many of my relatives' kids died before their parents, mainly due to abuse, addiction and alcoholism. One of my favorites is, "but you're so smart - why would you deny the future of passing on your intelligence by not having kids?" I may be smart, but my genetic code is woefully lacking. Aside from a family history of wonderful parenting skills (alcoholism, abuse, addiction, incest, rape, etc.), my family has also been struck with schizophrenia, PTSD, DID, bi-polar disorder, depression, sleep disorders, heart disease, cancer, auto-immune disorders, vision problems, skin problems... plain old butt-ugliness... and that's just on my mother's side. So yes, my child(ren) might be smart, but chances are they'll be mentally & emotionally unstable, suffer from chronic disease, end up addicted or alcoholic and die early. If I added my husband's genes & family history onto it, it gets even worse. His family has gastrointestinal problems. The only positive for my child(ren) would be if they were male, there is no male-pattern baldness. All the men I'm related to have healthy, thick, luxurious hair.
My husband had a vasectomy when he was 20, about 3 years before we met. At that time, he was planning to go into the military & didn't want to risk getting any strippers or hookers pregnant. When we first met, he was 23 & I was 19. His mother asked us when we were going to give her a grandchild & we both made it plenty clear that grandchildren were not going to be forthcoming. She was disappointed but got used to it. For a couple of years after we met, she'd ask him if he wanted to get the vasectomy reversed & it was always answered with an emphatic "NO!!!" It was part of why I married the man in the first place. I knew it would never be an issue between us, and I've always been strong-willed enough to stand up to the mother-in-law.
I've always known that I didn't want kids. I never wanted to play 'mommy' when I was a little girl, babies never filled me with that, "oooh, baby!" feeling. I hated baby-sitting. Now, sometimes babies are cute, but mostly they all look alike to me, and none ever make my 'breasts ache with longing' or any of that other maternal nurturing crap that normal women apparently feel whenever confronted by images or the presence of babies or children.
I sometimes find myself needing to justify it to people who push for some concrete answer for my childlessness with things like, "The world is overpopulated as it is and I cannot justify bringing another consumer into a western-civilized nation where 5% of the earth's population uses over 60% of the earth's resources" or whatever the Hell that figure is. Honestly, though, I can't say why I've never wanted children. I can't even really say I hate kids - I don't wish them any specific harm, and I dislike being around them for the most part, but it's really more that I'm completely uninterested in them as potential human beings. They're noisy and dirty and spread disease. They can't control their emotions or bodily functions and have irrational responses to stimuli. I've pretty much ended in-person friendships when my friends had kids - it's not fair to them as parents to always expect them to visit alone, or go out alone, and I just can't stand being around their offspring enough to make the in-person part of the friendship work.
Everyone always tells me that cliche of "it's different when they're yours". I'm sorry, but, noise, dirt, illness, irrational emotional responses, puke, shit and snot are all the same, no matter the source. I've also heard, "who will take care of you when you're old?" My parents both died while I was still a minor - how was I supposed to take care of them in their old age? I plan to take care of me when I'm old. In fact, I have fairly well-laid plans to take care of myself before I get old and become burdensome. In my age bracket and with my financial history, it's pretty clear that I will never be able to afford a traditional retirement. I will have to work until I die. Chances are, I'll have to keep working to afford any kind of after-death care as well. If I get hit with dementia or Alzheimer's, it won't matter who is taking care of me at that point because I won't know who they are anyway, relative or not. As for, "if you have kids you won't be alone when you die", well, most of my relatives died in hospitals or hospice care, surrounded by doctors and nurses and support staff. Many of my relatives' kids died before their parents, mainly due to abuse, addiction and alcoholism. One of my favorites is, "but you're so smart - why would you deny the future of passing on your intelligence by not having kids?" I may be smart, but my genetic code is woefully lacking. Aside from a family history of wonderful parenting skills (alcoholism, abuse, addiction, incest, rape, etc.), my family has also been struck with schizophrenia, PTSD, DID, bi-polar disorder, depression, sleep disorders, heart disease, cancer, auto-immune disorders, vision problems, skin problems... plain old butt-ugliness... and that's just on my mother's side. So yes, my child(ren) might be smart, but chances are they'll be mentally & emotionally unstable, suffer from chronic disease, end up addicted or alcoholic and die early. If I added my husband's genes & family history onto it, it gets even worse. His family has gastrointestinal problems. The only positive for my child(ren) would be if they were male, there is no male-pattern baldness. All the men I'm related to have healthy, thick, luxurious hair.
My husband had a vasectomy when he was 20, about 3 years before we met. At that time, he was planning to go into the military & didn't want to risk getting any strippers or hookers pregnant. When we first met, he was 23 & I was 19. His mother asked us when we were going to give her a grandchild & we both made it plenty clear that grandchildren were not going to be forthcoming. She was disappointed but got used to it. For a couple of years after we met, she'd ask him if he wanted to get the vasectomy reversed & it was always answered with an emphatic "NO!!!" It was part of why I married the man in the first place. I knew it would never be an issue between us, and I've always been strong-willed enough to stand up to the mother-in-law.
