Writer's Block: This material has been censored

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No!!!

Let me reiterate. Hell no!!!

Censorship, in any form, is bad. Our words, our images and our ideas are the only things that keep us free in times of uncertainty and fear.

It's Finally Over

Sunday, 2pm: Woke up

Sunday, 11pm: Went to work

Monday, 7am: Got off work

Monday, 8am or so: Took a nap

Monday, 10am: Got up, took shower, got dressed

Monday, 11am: Had a mojito at The Orleans to calm my stomach

Monday, 11:15am: Mojito did not solve anxiety runs

Monday, 11:30am: Graduation celebration for Alex & me w/the in-laws at The Orleans buffet

Monday, 1:30pm: Had another mojito once lunch was over. Put $6 in Megabucks machine, did not win

Monday, 3:00pm: Went to Cheyenne campus to get bigger robe

Monday, 4:25pm: On road to Thomas & Mack to see Alex graduate.

Monday, 5pm: In line for graduation, complete in hideous blue robe and funny hat.

Monday, 5:15pm: Still waiting outside back entrance of T&M along with 2000 other students in funny hats & hideous blue robes. Natives growing restless. Felt smug sense of superiority as I was the only woman in sneakers. Trying really hard not to think about rest of ceremony, hoping I will blend in with the blue crew. Wondering what we look like from the air.

Monday, 6pm: Finally inside back entrance of T&M. No organization whatsoever. Man is handing out water bottles, told him tearfully that I didn't want to have to pee. I already had to pee. Choked back tears brought on by talking to someone. Thought about Soylent Blue... er, Green... Looked at shoes a lot to avoid looking at crowd or imagining the stadium above us, filling with supporters.

Monday, 6:15pm: In line on left side of corridor, line on right side of corridor is moving out.

Monday, 6:22pm: Told to move to right side of corridor, being herded out. Panic rising. Still looking at shoes.

Monday, 6:30pm: The entrance procession. Relieved that we are not sitting in risers but in folding chairs on arena floor. Holy crap! Arena floor! Woozy. Gray spots. Stomach roiling. Look at shoes. Looking up through peripheral vision brings sheer terror. People! Look at your motherfucking shoes before you lose it. Tears. Wtf, why tears, just because Pomp & Circumcision is being played by crappy college band? Don't look up. Aw crap, looked up, quick, shoes, stop tears NOW.

Monday, 6:45pm: Because I was at back of Soylent Green line, am now in front of procession. Lined up in front of chairs. Not in the middle of blue herd. Staring at faculty in Harry Potter robes & sashes and funny looking hats. Everyone can see me because I am front & center. How the fuck did that happen?! Stomach in lungs. Colon in knees. Sweating, tears. DON'T LOOK UP. This will end in tears. Applause is deafening from CROWD seated above.

Monday, 6:50pm: Colors are presented. Flags or some shit. Finally, we all turn around. Pledge of Allegiance annoys me, more talk about graduation, more deafening maddening applause, stomping, cheering, whistling, air horns - AIR HORNS?! Wtf, this is graduation not a fucking hockey game, why am I in the middle of the arena floor, anyway? Look at shoes. Begin chanting Diamond Sutra.

Monday, 6:55pm: Oh thank the Gods, we can sit down & they turn off the lights. Tears. More tears.

Monday, 7:00pm: Endless speeches. That's ok, yammer on mindlessly all you want. Napping in self-defense.

Monday, 7:15pm: The name calling starts. By highest honors, then degree. No particular order. Watching people get up on stage, in FRONT OF EVERYFUCKINGBODY, to shake hands & take folder for photo op.

Monday, 7:30pm: Associates of Applied Sciences group called. Get in line. Walk forward, oh crap, photo op - flash! I'm blind! Stagger forward, oh, joy, another photo op, flash! I'm more blind! Aw, fuck, stairs. I'm going to die. Step on robe, almost fall, hand name cards to interpreter & announcer, stumble to folder-shaking-hands person, all I can hear is my heartbeat in my head, stutter past folder person, more steps, robe caught on railing, knees weak, survived, fall into first empty chair, get hollered at to not leave empty seats, move down.

Monday, 7:32pm: Napping in self-defense as rest of groups are called. Natives growing restless, more catcalls & movement from the troops.

Monday, 8something: Recession. Stand up, applause, keep looking at feet because lights have been turned on & am blind. Again. Balloons falling on my head, wtf? It all seems so surreal.

Monday, Shortly past 8 something: Back down Soylent Green hallway, this time in loose rowdy mob of blue hatless folk. Someone offers waterbottle, I bless them in the name of the Goddess.

Monday: 8something to 9pm: Looking for Rob in the goddamned T&M parking lot because all the payphones outside are broken & the doors are locked. Really have to pee. I'm thinking to myself, he's describing me to someone, going, "Have you seen a short, heavyset woman in a blue robe & a funny looking hat?" I walk around in endless circles, as crowd thins I say fuck it & sit down on a bench.

Monday, sometime around 9pm: Rob finds me.

Monday, around 10pm: Home sweet home.