It Sucks But I'll Make Bucks

I am about to embark on a 12-day work week.

Why?

Someone has to take his vacation before it expires.

No one sent us a tasty desk clerk to mold into relief auditor Jell-O.

But hey, it's over Christmas, so what the fuck, right? I don't need my brain all that much.

Tender Bits is Tender

I and Chelsie spent some time this morning playing the towel-snapping game, gallumphing around the living room. Chelsie is pretty acrobatic & will leap into the air to grab at the towel if I wave it around over my head. It's part of how I tire her out - I just stand in one place & pretend she's a marlin or something.

Well, I flapped the towel up in the air, turned my hip into her to block her jump, she snapped at the towel and proceeded to perform a 90-lb Tarzanesque swing off my right nipple, which was firmly locked in her teeth.

I fucking screamed, surrendered the towel, clutched my highly insulted boob in my arm & ran into the kitchen. Why the kitchen I don't know, other than my brain went 'dogbitmynippleoffomgomgomgkitchenkitchenkitchen!!!!!' The pain was amazing, the pain was absolutely demolishing. It hit my stomach, guts and heart simultaneously and I didn't know if I was going to puke, shit or faint, or some horrible super-combo of all of the above.

Rob didn't know what the heck had happened - he thought maybe Chelsie had ripped my arm open, which has happened while playing. He asked if I was bleeding, and I couldn't even look. I stood there while washes of various colors played out in front of my eyes & when my stomach stopped spasming, looked down.

"Oh thank Gods, no blood". Rob asked what happened, I told him Chelsie bit my nipple. He asked, "is it still there?" I opened up my nightgown. "Yup, still there".

I think I got a pretty good idea of the sensations a guy feels immediately after being kicked in the nuts. I will never again complain about my nipples not being very sensitive, either. I can't imagine what that would have been like if they were those super-sensitive nubs of nerves some women (and men) have. It throbbed for about an hour after being bitten, and it's still sore & puffy and has a pair of fang marks at the 1 o'clock & 5 o'clock positions.

In hindsight, it's fucking funny. Total redneck moment. Of course, if I had lost my nipple, I think I would have let Chelsie just keep it. I would have been way too mortified to walk into an ER w/my nipple on ice. "Yup, mah dawg bit mah nipple off while we were playin' fetch". Rob says that instead of letting Chelsie eat it, we could have used it as a floor coaster for a piece of furniture. Maybe as a doorbell cover or peephole cover.