I Am Going to Go Crazy

[perzephone]

Food has suddenly become the focus of my and Rob's life. I spend all my extra time cooking. Now, I like cooking - every once in awhile. But over the past two or three weeks I've cooked every fucking day. All we talk about is food and blood sugar. I'm going to go nuts. And when I'm not cooking, I'm thinking about food we don't have in the house and I don't have access to anymore. I went to work today and on my first break the first thing I did was went and bought a Snickers bar. I wanted to hug the snack machine. It was full of convenient carbohydrates and in that moment, I loved it more than any other inanimate object on the face of the planet. I've dreamt of microwaveable cake the past two nights. I've gone to only thinking about food when I'm hungry to thinking about it all the time. Literally. I hate food at this moment, and will probably become anorexic in the next day or so just so I won't have to worry about it anymore.

We've been working on shifting to a day shift for this week, mainly because I work three day shifts, but also because of my job interview on Friday & because I would honestly like to go to the caucus on Saturday... but anyway, I worked a mid-shift, meaning I didn't get home til almost 8:30pm. I had made tuna salad this morning so Rob would have something for dinner. I called Rob on my lunchbreak around 5 & the first thing he asked me was what was I cooking for dinner. I explained to him the time factor - if I don't get home til almost 8:30, that would mean dinner at 10pm - and us trying to go to bed around midnight. I also told him I had already eaten. We went over the same territory when I got home. And he was still asking me what was I having for dinner as he ate the bacon & eggs I ended up having to cook for him. I finally had to break it all down for him again & end it with, "LEAVE ME ALONE!"

If I murder him, would anyone seriously care?