It's Full of Stars

[perzephone]

I passed out on the couch around 8:30 last night & Rob woke me at 10:30 to go to bed-bed. I was laying there trying to fall back asleep & I wasn't trying to achieve anything meditation-wise, just watching the dots & swirls behind my eyelids. The dots seemed to get brighter and bigger, though, and the swirls coalesced into lines and slashes until lo & behold - the Qabbalistic Tree of Life was hanging in space in front of me - only instead of being like a 2D drawing, the spheres looked like planets, swirling and bobbing between the paths. I'm like, "Oh, great... neat mental trick. Go to sleep already!" I could feel the sleep chemicals kicking in & I had that nice weightless feeling like I was floating in space already, so when I kind of 'fell' through Daath, it was still along the lines of "ooh, more mental tricks". But as I was falling the Tree of Life sort of expanded until I was looking at the solar system, each planet and star and galaxy fell neatly into place, still connected by brilliant threads.

I don't normally seek space in my meditations. Space bothers me, it's too big and empty, the spaces between the stars too dark and silent. Last night, though, seeing it woven together on a huge velvety tapestry made it seem a little safer. I could also tell that I was tethered somehow to it, that I wouldn't just float away never to be seen again. It gave me that homey feeling, "yeah, I really am a part of all this". I could almost hear the planets, even though they were millions of miles apart and away from me, spinning effortlessly around ol' Sol, and I could hear the stars, the pulsing radiance creating winds and drafts of energy, strumming the strands of light between them.

I spent a long time out there, but eventually I came back out of it & rousted Rob outta my bed so I could go back to sleep.