Doodle doodle dee

Wubba wubba wubba. I've got MTV2 now, but haven't really had an opportunity to sit & watch it.
Ya know, I never really know how to respond to people that IM me & say, "I'd really love to lick your pussy." It makes me feel socially awkward. I think it may be in part because I'm not too big on receiving oral sex. I don't know. Maybe it's the word "pussy". "Pussy" makes me uncomfortable on a deep level, so I try to use it often to get over it. I don't think a word should have that much power over me. "Cunt" used to just stop me in my tracks, but Bianca at the Partyline helped me through that one. There's a certain racial term that bothers me, but its ghetto variant, "nigga", as in "Nigga, please!" doesn't. Maybe because one has power while the other takes power away.

"Words are weapons, sharper than knives..."
-INXS, Devil Inside

Tribal people say that words are sacred. By this, we don’t mean that you should kneel down and worship them. We mean that, in your being, you should recognize that when you speak, your utterance has consequences inwardly and outwardly and that you are accountable for those consequences.
- Paula Gunn Allen

Behind naming, beneath words, is something else. An existence named unnamed and unnameable.
- Susan Griffin

My mind is a scary place, with many dark corners...

My last post made me think about the word "fat". "Fat" doesn't make me uncomfortable one little bit. It's descriptive. I tell people who don't know what I look like that I am "short, fat & tattooed." Sometimes I'm "short, fat & dumpy." Occasionally I'm "short, fat & white."
Immediately, they say, "Oh, you're not fat!" They don't care about "short", "tattooed" or "dumpy". They just automatically respond "you're not fat!" Even though they've never even seen me, I'm not fat. I call 'em on it. "How do you know I'm not fat? You've never even seen me!" Fat is a very useful word. I'm not "big-boned", "heavyset" or "a big woman". Even though I do kinda like "big woman" - if I was taller, I'd probably tell people I was a "big woman". "Big woman" has power.

Now, people that can see me... this really kills me. I say something at random, like "Oh Gods, I am so fat. Eventually I'm gonna have to lose some of this". They too respond, "You're not fat!" So I ask, "Well, if I wasn't here, how would you describe me?" I get the blank, shocked stare... "Uh, not thin?" They stumble around & grope for a politically correct, inoffensive term for "fat". Even Rob - he tells me "I hate when you call yourself that." or "I hate when you use that word." He won't even say it, so I pick on him, "Call myself what? Dumpy?" or "What word? Short?" I make him say it - he looks away from me, at the floor, the ceiling, anywhere but at me, as he mumbles under his breath, "fat". I hear more people casually use the n-word than I hear them say "Fat". I think the only person who uses both words equally is possibly Eminem. All hail Eminem, he who can use the most politically incorrect & offensive word in the English language w/out flinching.

I don’t like small cars
Or real big women
But somehow I always find myself in ‘em
- Kid Rock, “Welcome to the Party”

Kiss of Life by Peter Gabriel
From the Security album

See me a big woman, big woman look how you dance
see me a big woman, big woman caught in a trance
dancing on the tabletop, covered up with the Easter feast
you’re dancing for the fishermen,
from the very large right to the least
dancing for the slow release, first the man and then the beast
Then the beast

burning, burning with the kiss of life
burning, burning with the kiss of life

See me a big woman, big woman so full of life
see me a big woman, big woman going to be my wife
watching for the different eyes - they change your face -
they come inside
watch the spirits laugh and cry, watch them find a place to hide
watch the spirits talk in tongues, watch them take you for a ride

Down at the ocean lies a body in the sand
big woman beside, head in hand
with heat from her skin and fire from her breath
she blows hard, she blows deep in the mouth of death

burning, burning with the kiss of life
burning, burning with the kiss of life
burning, burning with the kiss of life