Sleep Paralysis

So last night we went to bed around 2am because we were supposed to go to the traditional 'Father's Day buffet' w/the in-laws. Rob left for his own bed around 3. At some point early this morning, I woke up because something was moving, and at first I thought we were having a fairly powerful earthquake. It's not unknown out here, and I've been awakened by early morning tremors before... but as I lay in bed, completely unable to move anything, I looked up & noticed that the overhead lamp wasn't swinging. None of my war shields or mandalas were clacking against the walls... so it had to be me. I had a spasm or something, and it was bizarre because I couldn't move a muscle, but I was shaking all over. I started thinking about that brain region in the back of the head that controls spatial relationships & the sense of movement & becomes over-active during sleep, and my neck was at a weird pillow-enforced angle. The first spasm passed, and I started to slip back asleep when it happened again. And again. I started thinking 'if I could just move my head' over & over again until finally, after one of the shaking fits stopped, I managed to push myself up on one arm. And I was fine. Drank some water, moved the pillows around & went back to sleep.

Sleep paralysis is perfectly ok w/me. It keeps one from sleepwalking & having somniatic murder sprees. And it scares the living daylights out of Jody because she always thinks some spirit is trying to kill her or possess her. I am a small-minded person and I get my entertainment however I can...

Revelations...

Rob actually told me, maybe an hour or so ago, that I don't get the kind of support I deserve from anyone in my life, including him.

Wow. I'm kind of floored. Especially because I'm not looking for support.

I've been thinking about going to a counselor of some sort to see if they could tell me if I'm actually depressed or if I'm just burned out. Rob hates the idea of psychiatrists, psychologists & mood altering substances, but he'll take me if I really want to go. I don't even know what I'm looking for in that respect, so I posted a q/a on Dr. Grohol's PsychCenter. Maybe someone will actually give me an answer this time. I guess not many people have experience w/Paxil... at least not on Dr. Grohol's.

I'm tempted to rejoin tribe to see if there are any depression rooms on there, but I don't want to get sucked into it. Instead, since I've answered all of OkCupid's 1700 personality match questions, I've been getting sucked into voting on other people's submissions.

There is this guy who continually IM's me, wanting me to cast a spell on him to feminize him. A couple of days ago he wanted me to lead him through some sort of fantasy involving dressing him up like a woman & then sacrificing him to my Gods. By tonight, I'm about ready to rip his head off & let his blood run in rivers down the Luxor's pyramid... He drives me nuts - always uses different s/n's, so it's pointless to fill up my blocked IM's w/his s/n's. I keep telling him that 1) I am not domme. 2) I don't cast spells anymore. 3) He can cast a spell on himself & obtain results. 4) Leave me the fuck alone.