Modern Shamanism

Just a blurb from a book I started reading... thought provoking, but I'm not sure what I think about it right yet. I've got to sleep on it. Even I can understand that, while Leary was talking about drugs, he wasn't just talking about drugs. Yanno that old saw, 'When the pupil is ready, the teacher will appear'?

What if there are no more teachers?

Drop Out: Detach yourself from the external social drama which is as dehydrated & ersatz as T.V.

Turn On: Find a sacrament that returns you to the Temple of God, your own body. Go out of your mind. Get high.

Tune In: Be reborn. Drop-back in to express it. Start a new sequence of behavior that reflects your vision.

Actions which are conscious expressions of the drop-out, turn-on, tune-in rhythm are religious.

The wise person devotes his life exclusively to the religious search – for therein is found the only ecstasy, the only meaning.

- Timothy Leary

We have no symbolic vocabulary, no grounded mythological tradition to make our own experiences comprehensible to us. We have, in fact, no senior shaman to help ensure that our dismemberment be followed by a rebirth.

- Stephen Larsen, The Shaman’s Doorway

Therapy... 10 Minutes or So

At least I have more to say lately... don't think I'll really need the timer.

Today we talked about not much of anything, really. Trying to find times when I had deep emotions, be they good or bad. I'm supposed to come up w/a list of 5 Things That Might Make Me Happy &/or 5 Things That Might Make Me Angry. Anger is easy, and I can still feel anger. It's a true emotion, one that runs deeper than just the surface.

She brought up a worry I actually have - that maybe this is the real me. Ugh. How horrible, to just always be stuck this way. Never changing, never moving forward, limited, uncreative, unspirited, dead, n'zambi... ugh again.

I've come up w/3 things off the top of my head that would, never mind might make me happy...

1) To get more tattoo work done
2) To live someplace the m.i.l. doesn't own
3) A week at the beach.

Funny, but out of the three, the only one that actually seems plausible is living somewhere the m.i.l. doesn't own. I never seem to have enough extra for ink, and I've been trying fruitlessly to get Rob to take me to the beach for something like 8 years... I've pretty much given up on that one. And don't nobody say nothing 'bout me going alone.

Things to make me angry.. heh, everything. It all pisses me off anymore.
Five from the top:

1) If anyone makes any comments here about 'well, why don't you go to the beach by yourself'. If you know me, you'll know why it'll piss me off. If you don't know me, don't risk it. It's not worth it.

2) If the Excalibur continues stringing us night auditors along much longer. Not only does it piss me off, but it's stressful and mean. I'm going to have a nervous breakdown soon. But when I do, rest assured I will be at work - and I will take others with me.

3) I'm already angry at the in-laws because, just when we got rid of Alex & his car, he's coming back because no one will pay his storage bill. Motherfucker. One word: ENABLER.

4) If all the radio stations suddenly switched to an all-talk format, kind of like what happens on Sunday mornings.

5) If Bush manages to push through a federal anti-abortion law in the next coupla years. That will seriously piss me off. Bush, stay out of mine!

So I've got a week to come up w/2 more things that might make me happy...

I may have to give up on this whole grapefruit diet thing... it's killing my stomach. I may just eliminate the grapefruit & keep eating the meat & green veggies. I found something kind of amusing on the fda website - it actually calculates your caloric intake vs. your daily activities. It's kind of a pain in the ass to find all the foods you've eaten throughout the day & what all you've done during the day, and sex isn't listed anywhere on it that I could find. But it breaks down the nutritional value of what you've eaten & it's kind of interesting to compare what you've stuffed in your head with the 'Recommended Daily Allowances.

FDA Food & Activity Tracker