Putting Yourself on Gentle Cycle

People in my life seem to have this tendency to beat themselves up. Someone entered my life somewhat inadvertantly, if only thru the words of lj... I don't know her story, but she seems troubled all the time, physically sick, mentally & physically exhausted, and she has to bear a tremendous burden. I don't know the truth of her tale, only that she's too young to be so old. She's beaten herself up so badly that when I told her to stop beating herself up, she thought I meant, "quit whining". Even though I'm thinking of one person, I need to take my own advice... Sometimes we can all be very hard on ourselves. It's partly programming - we tend to remember all the times we were told we aren't good enough or worthy enough of something - love, a better job, an award, some kind of recognition, but we don't spend enough time remembering when someone told us we are worthy - someone loves us, someone appreciates the good we do, someone thinks we deserve that big break.

By 'stop beating yourself up', I basically meant that I have not seen many people who need a vacation as badly as you do.

You need to set up your bathroom as a safe, candle-lit environment full of lavender suds and salt in your warm bathwater.

You need a good, non-fiction book to fall into for an hour or two.

You need one of those 'bottle-of-tequila-and-a-chocolate-fudge-sundae-hold-the-sundae' kinds of vacation... even though I think you're underage & I do not advocate underage alcohol usage (at least not publicly) - I am 5'3" of living proof that coffee & booze at an early age stunts your growth.

You probably need some sleep.

You need to know that the Universe can take care of itself for a day or two while you go & fly a kite or see a silly movie.

You need to know that even though the world right now is completely fucked up, it's not your fault, and just as fucked up as the world is, it is also completely perfect and as it should be. You aren't some codependent enabler to the Great Everything when it comes to 'letting' bad things happen. Bad things, much like good things, just happen. We're programmed to notice all the bad things & forget about the good things. I tend to write mostly about the bad crap. I'm a pessimist and a pragmatist, but even I sometimes look up at the pale white Moon and wave to 'Mom'. She watches over us all, patiently, quietly, serenely. I hate the Amityville-house window over my bed, at least on the nights when I can't see the Moon through it. When I see Her out there, I thank the window for being on the right side of the house.

Life on this big blue & green ball is experience and decision and suffering. I just learned something a few days ago - apparently, Tibetan Buddhists think it's a miracle anytime a soul is incarnated as a human being, and we're apparently responsible to see to it that all 'lower souls' - animals, demi-Gods, hungry ghosts and such - become enlightened so they too can reincarnate as humans. That's a lot of responsibility - being responsible for an entire world of souls, not just our own. But while there are millions of us wandering around in our own self-centered little bubbles, there are Tibetan monks in India praying and chanting mantras for us right now, every moment of every day. Take some comfort in that - you aren't completely alone. There are thousands of Buddhist monks watching over us all.

Sometimes you have to tell your woes to the world, or tell them to yourself, somehow make a statement about your inner turmoil and strife. You can't keep it all bottled up inside.
You know what I do call 'whining'? It's when people complain about things they can change. I try my best to not whine - but this is a diary of sorts, so I make no apologies for when I do whine.