Funny Thing About Druggies

Ok, I study entheogens - drugs that make you see God. I have tried a few here and there - my most recent experiment was with Salvia divinorum, diviner's sage.

I am fairly open-minded, despite the drug-related tragedies that have touched my life and the lives of loved ones. Drugs are both good and bad. Good for some, bad for others. I tend to trust modern pharmaceuticals and home-grown things moreso than street drugs. Yes, prescription drugs & OTC's can be just as or more harmful in the long run than a little pot, or a little XTC... but prescriptions usually don't come with drain cleaner or formaldehyde in the mix.

However, I don't respect people who justify their drug use with ignorance. If you're going to do drugs, know what the drug is, what it will really do to you, and be honest about it. When I drink, I know I'm making my depression worse. When I'm drunk, I can be a filthy, sloppy drunk cow who takes her clothes off in public & I can get beligerent and even more brutally honest than when I'm sober. But, I know from others that when I'm drunk, I can write. I can relax, even if I can't forget all the things I worry about when sober. I know what I'm doing to my stomach, liver and brain. I know the potential of alcohol poisoning and the all-too-common death from alcohol poisoning that runs in my family. But I still get drunk on occasion, and those occasions are getting more frequent as of late because sometimes, I'm so frustrated when I get home from work that the only outlet I have is a beer or a couple of shots. Booze seems to be the only thing that can put perspective on my crappy job. I'm burned out & I know it, and no matter how many classifieds I read I'm stuck. I haven't resorted to going to work drunk. Not yet, anyway.

Wild systems contain poisons. Formal systems are certainly poisonous, but lack the playfulness of, say, wild coyotes.
- Dale Pendell, Pharmako/Poeia

'In all things there is a poison, and there is nothing without a poison. It depends only upon the dose whether a poison is a poison or not.'
- Paracelsus, 1490 – 1541



I'm in the middle of an online debate about using marijuana to treat depression. Marijuana, like alcohol, is a depressant. It supresses brain chemistry and retards motor functions. Although it doesn't bind to the opiate receptors in the brain, we do have cannabinoid receptors that act in much the same way. Eases pain, distorts space & time perception, stimulates hunger. In the short, immediate term, it can also cause tachycardia & raise blood pressure. Some may think because of the stimulating effects that it is a stimulant - but long-term use reveals its true nature. It's been shown to be very bad for schizophrenics.

Potheads of all ilks get really pissed off & defensive when anyone mentions the truth about the physiological effects of marijuana, or the fact that when you smoke it, it becomes carcinogenic. They don't recognize the danger in buying drugs off the street - fiberglass, anyone? PCP? They seem to be a little paranoid, thinking it's all some government plot to justify the illegalizing of a relatively harmless substance - but I'm quoting to them from the entheogenic heroes - Pinchbeck, Weil, Davis, Ratsch, Schultes, Pendell. Even erowid.org says marijuana is a depressant - but it also lists it as a stimulant & a euphoriant. They all seem to miss the essential point - understand the drugs you use & be honest about why you're using a drug. It may not make that behavior right - I'm not right in falling back on alcohol as a coping mechanism, but I know what I'm doing when I do it. Personally, I believe that (even with my allergies) marijuana should be legalized or at least decriminalized. Clean out the non-violent offenders from over-crowded, over-burdened prison systems. Nicotine is far more addicting & alcohol is far more dangerous than marijuana, generally because stoned people stay home & don't smoke as much pot as nicotine addicts smoke cigarettes.

Anyway, I'll get off my dopebox. My diet is going well. My feet have lost weight & now my shoes are too loose. I think my boobs are smaller. It's amazing what a difference some slight changes in diet can make. I haven't even started trying to move more, I've just been applying my general knowledge of nutrition & metabolism to myself. I know I'm at a standstill unless I honestly start moving more. I'm just so freakin' tired, though. I'm thinking about getting one of those stationary bicycles that consist of pedals on a frame for under my desk. Been eating more olives & nuts & paying closer attention to serving sizes (4 medium olives, 1/4 cup of nuts). Popcorn is really great - I like popcorn (serving size 1 1/2 cups, approx. 3 servings to a bag of microwave popcorn). Trying to drastically reduce my caloric intake & spread my caloric intake out over a day instead of eating one meal per day like I usually do. It's hard, because I'm retraining my body to be hungry more than once a day. Now, when I eat, I have to take a nap afterwards because my body says, "Ok, we can sit upright or we can digest - we cannot do both at once". I am an amazing font of self-control when it comes down to it. I can deny myself anything - sleep, food, emotional outbursts, a fulfilling marriage, a fulfilling job... and somehow I still manage to not shoot myself in the head on a daily basis.