Rob says I do not know how to play a warlock. That hurt my feelings, but it's true (I am very good at being a hunter, though - my first name is Aggro Management & my middle name is Crowd Control). My warlock is my enchanter/alchemist & I'm afraid she'll never see lvl 50. She's going to be stuck at lvl 40 & maxed out at 300 skill for the rest of her existence. I can't even delete & reroll her because I'll feel guilty about dumping so much gold into leveling up her enchanting. She has such a cool name, though. It's Kitsune. Do you know how hard it is to get the name Kitsune in an MMORPG? It's like trying to get Raven or Death. Rob has a Death character, but the a & e have accents over them. (I digress - I know I pissed some Alliance character off because for the longest time, 'Perzephone' was an Alliance character's name. When the BC expansion came out, I was just screwing around trying different names for a Draenai & bam! Perzephone was accepted. I finally got bored being an Alli & turned Perzephone into an Undead, like she should be). Anyway, it sucks, I can't play 'locks. I've read all the FAQ's & strategy blogs & I can't do it. It's weird, too, because 'locks are just hunters, but with more mana-management issues & soul shards. My DPS sucks. I've tried all 3 specs, too. I should be kicking ass & taking names at 40, but Kitsune just sucks. And I went & gave her the jingling bell for the reindeer pet over Winter's Veil, too. Maybe if I get another reindeer next year, I'll re-roll her as a mage or something. So I've been working on leveling Scaryspice. People like to buy stuff made by Scaryspice, I don't know why, but her leather armor & cloth bags just sell like hotcakes. I've even seen people wearing armor 'Made by Scaryspice'. I think she's the new FUBU or Benetton. Working on her has been really fun over the past coupla days because she is teh awesome.
(Hey, the Sci-Fi Network is going to be having Animondays... all anime all night. The advertisement says, "Just f-ing watch!". We're going to have to learn how to use the DVD recorder, lol.)
I started thinking... I can give compliments and I can hand out positive affirmations left & right, and I do tell people the truth when it comes to stuff like that. It's not shallow, schmoozing corporate-crap I dole out (I try not to say deliberately hurtful things for the sake of being hurtful. Sometimes some of my advice is hurtful, but I've been trying to tone it down a little. I've been trying to take Fox's advice in being more selective with my words). It's hard - being truthful is hard in a society where little white lies are the moral compass. The whole getting with the girls & having the self-deprecating 'fat talk'. Everyone knows I will tell them exactly what they look like to me if they ask me, but I've never seen things quite the way other people see them. Maybe it's my lack of depth perception or my near-sightedness... or even my touch of the Sight, being able to see auras, being able to see inside. Until you get close to me & I can see you clearly, everyone is beautful to me. Most people even stay beautiful close up & personal. One time me & Rob went to Pizza Hut & our waitress was beautiful & it showed in her graciousness that it wasn't just skin-deep. I wrote her a note on a napkin & told her she was beautiful. One of my past co-workers, Sybil, was absolutely gorgeous, jaw-droppingly gorgeous, and she was too nice to other people sometimes, & she had such poor self-esteem. I never let her go a night without telling her something nice. She was a nurse, too, & I could never picture that itty-bitty woman having to pick up someone & roll them over - which she did, but sometimes strength is as deceptive as outward appearances.
I believe in lifting others up. It's not hard at all, but it seems like I'm surrounded by people who constantly feel the need to push others down. Listening to Rob & his mom on the phone is pretty horrible. Rob can get so defensive when he's trying to argue a point - a debate with him is always seen as a personal attack & I've seen more & more where he gets it from. Rob's mom will get an idea in her head (she needs to stop believing everything she sees on t.v.) & she will call Rob up because she's bored & deliberately get him riled up. She won't let go of whatever subject she's chosen (tonight it was, of all things, why Jesus was killed by the Romans - his mom seems to be convinced Jesus was protesting Roman taxation & that he went before the Roman senate as a political leader of Galilee & they killed him for subversive ideas about communism or socialism or some off-the-wall -ism) & Rob has to agree wholeheartedly with her opinion. Tonight, Rob put his philosophical foot down & said, "until you provide reliable sources, I'm not agreeing with you!" (I have to admit, I goaded him on by providing insight into the Roman social policies of the time, like the fact that a Roman citizen, or anyone on the same level as Roman citizenry, would never be crucified - that was a particularly humiliating & degrading method of execution reserved for non-Roman slaves & outsiders considered beneath the notice of most Roman citizens). This pulled a half-hour long conversation into 2 agonizing hours (it was amusing from my seat in the Peanut Gallery, though, because at one point, Rob was comparing his teen-aged group of burglar friends to the apostles & Rob said "Hey, ma, I'm Jesus Christ!" & then the phone started making some weird beeping noises, so Rob got all paranoid, especially when I told him Janet Reno was coming for his ass & reminded him they both had said 'Timothy McVeigh', 'white supremacy', 'David Koresh' & 'terrorist' all over a cell phone). Rob & I get into this back & forth thing sometimes. He thinks when I say I have no talents that I am being short-sighted or down on myself. He gets this idea that by me saying that I'm essentially a waste of human life is a criticism of him - how could he want to be with someone who is, for the most part, useless? He gets defensive & angry & takes my self-deprecation personally. Makes absolutely no sense to me, except when I view it in the proper context of how he argues with his mom.
He thinks (as do some other people) that maybe my depression distorts things & that I have spent soooo much time & effort on focusing on negative things that I cannot recognize positive things. I don't see it as focusing on the negative or being pessimistic. I just see things realistically. Neither positive nor negative. It's all a matter of perspective and acceptance of truth. Trying not to put a personal bias on anything around me. He thinks I'm witty and talented and skillful, but what I see myself as is someone who is well-trained to be a night auditor & who has typed to the point where I can type 60wpm. He thinks I'm intelligent, but I see myself as someone who has read a lot. I can't retain math. I have bad taste in art & literature. I am only truly smart in a couple of subjects that are of no use in the practical world. I mean, Hel, I could get arrested & sent to jail for practicing medicine without a license if any of my herbal advice ever went horribly awry, no matter how many disclaimers I tell someone before making a suggestion.
I admit, I can't take a compliment and I don't implement or accept good advice, which is something I find fault with in others. It's why I gave up the Tarot cards. But today, I will take Lakshmi's & Maeve's advice & I will come up with something positive. Rob came up with one skill that I do have to agree with because it is the truth, and it is something positive in today's world, a marketable asset to have.
I can multi-task.
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