Plans for Today

1) Rob is going to call the doc to see if the results for his glucose test are in. He's been having panic attacks all week - legitimate ones, so he's also decided to ask for a sedative.

2) We both are going to register to vote. This Huckabee guy is a whack-job. He says straight up he wants to tap into Alaska's National Wildlife Refuge oil reserves to lessen our dependence on foreign oil, and he wants to encourage research & development of 'clean' fossil fuels, instead of focusing on renewable energy. He also compares education to 'Weapons of Mass Instruction'. Rob & I are actually going to participate in the Nevada caucus on the 19th... Rob's going Hillary... I'm undecided, but I know I don't like Huckabee and I'm going to fight to prevent him from entering office in November. I dun care who wins, as long as they're a Democrat.

3) We're going shopping. Rob needs some comfy walking shoes & some more socks. I need some yoga pants, or at least some sort of soft, comfy, flexible sweat pants for the drumming class. I also need to get Rob's much belated ChrismaHannaKwanzaYule present.

4) We're going grocery shopping, too. Fruits, veggies, yogurt (hopefully I can find some w/out high fructose corn syrup this time. They put that shit in everything, even things that don't need it. It's cheaper than sugar & it keeps the corn farmers of America working, but damn, it's soooo bad. Rob's decided that even if he doesn't have adult-onset diabetes, he's changing his eating habits & diet, and I'll support him, even if it means a few years of denial.

Rob's been having a deep crisis of faith. He is so afraid of dying because of the Great Unkown. He doesn't know what's on the Other Side - will it be not-so-loving relatives waiting to beat the crap out of his ghost, or if it's reincarnation or is it just a blank wall of silent darkness, a blinking out of existence. He asked me who I pray to when I'm in deep need, and I realized I've never had a foxhole-prayer moment. I plunge into things with little thought or attention paid to coming out the other side. I have absolutely no fear of death - for me, it's always a good day to die. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen and I have no control over it, so I don't spend time worrying about it. I've got more important things to worry about - like getting clothes out of the dryer before they wrinkle ;)

Laugh If You Want

What if the only reason I'm here is to teach someone to not be afraid?

I Believe...

The Very Important Things:

I believe in Jonathan Livingston Seagull. I believe we are beings of infinite light stuffed into convenient easy packages of flesh and bone.

I believe in the power of a blue feather.

I believe in the Velveteen Rabbit. Isn't that what we all really want? To be real?

I believe in the hero's journey.

I believe in the Oestre Bunny and Santa Claus, even if it is just Ol' One Eye in a padded red robe.

I believe that someone should still make sure the Sun comes up in the morning and Spring comes 'round every year. Someone needs to set Helios' alarm clock and send Persephone Her limo on time.

The Little Things:

I believe that dreamcatchers work.

I believe in now.

I believe that crickets are lucky.

I believe in Hands of Glory and mandrake roots.

I believe in the rock Coyote threw into the pool.

I believe in the mud between our toes.

I believe in the healing power of a puppy.

I believe in butterfly wings.


The Big Things That Don't Really Matter Much Right Now But Are Still True and Powerful:

I believe that one voice can be heard in a legion of others.

I believe that one vote does count.

I believe that one world can be saved.



The Really Big Important Thing:

I believe love never dies.

(no subject)

Well, we went to the indoor swapmeet & walked the whole thing. I did get Rob's pwesent - a quite Goth mantle clock w/the Grim Reaper presiding over time. Ran into Jamal who used to sell leather coats - his son has a booth there now. We also met the coolest Burmese python at the swapmeet. He's about 10' long, and acts just like Ed. Wanted his chin scratched, liked to be petted, wanted to investigate all the new people standing around admiring him. He's amazing - whoever owned him previously socialized him completely, and he was in very good health. The reptile guy had him out & was just letting him roam the floor a little - a good sized crowd gathered & the snake was completely unfazed. He even took time to climb up the display case (well, he used it to prop about 1/3 of his body up) so he could see eye-to-eye with me. Had this huge head & beautiful eyes. If $350 fell outta the sky right now Harry would be coming home w/us tomorrow. I have never met a Burmese with that kind of disposition before - usually they're grouchy and like to bite. I'm a little apprehensive about ever actually owning a snake twice my height. Ed could probably do some damage, but if a snake twice your height manages to knock you down & you can't unwind them, well... either you're dead or someone ends up hurting the snake to make it let go.

It was kind of weird, but Rob was making a concerted effort to talk to people. Talked to the pet shop guy, visited w/Robert Knight, who sells knives, we visited w/a guy selling guitars - he was pretty cool. He also makes custom wardrobe cabinets for stage use & amps & stuff like that, was a former roadie, just a nice ol' dude.

Then we went to the doc for Rob's test results. He's been fearing the absolute worst-case-scenario, involving pancreatic cancer or something equally fatal (diabetes can be symptomatic of both pancreatic & colon cancer), and found out that nope, he's just adult-onset non-insulin-dependent diabetic. Which is pretty fucked up all the way around. I may be a foodie, but Rob loves food, moreso now than ever because I keep introducing him to new things to eat & adding techniques to my somewhat limited repetoire. So now, well, it's pretty much low or no carbs. And since I can't torture him by eating bread in front of him, I'm on his diet, too. No more fast food, no more convenience food... it's all home cooking or salad bars :P

All of this has made Rob examine a lot of his views about life, death & what lies beyond. He's trying to find something or someone to believe in. I finally told Rob that I'm embarrassed to express compassion in front of him. I've been trying to pull more of Bear's energy to me - less of the chaos of Coyote. I've also been analyzing my Morbid Fascination w/death. All my life I've been drawn to death and I can't explain why. I'm still frustrated over not being able to become a mortician. I would have much rather spent the last two years learning how to care for the dead instead of caring for dying PCs. As a result, I've done much reading and research and examination of death, dying, the funerary traditions of the world, beliefs about the Afterlife, the cosmogony of death, how death (oooh oooh ooohh MMORPG - StarGate Worlds!!!) began... I've even died before and lived to tell the tale. Because my beliefs of reincarnation are not strictly adhering to the rules of Buddhism or Hinduism, I've got a lot of unresolved questions about ghosts. I believe there are ghosts, but I'm not sure why there are ghosts. I also haven't quite gotten the population thing figured out - have more people been born right now than ever lived on earth & where are the new souls coming from?
I've also learned, through the Guedde and Baron Samedi, the Muerte and Coyote and Anubis, Persephone & Hades, Kalmia, Hel and all those Cthonic deities, that death, the Great Equalizer, the Ultimates of Ultimates, is ultimately funny. Death is the greatest practical joke ever created. Skulls have wacky grins for a reason. One of my favorite parts of the Dead Like Me series was the intro - all these Grim Reapers going about their daily lives. I like to see skeletons doing absurd things, like golfing or sitting slumped over computers or on those 'Position Wanted' posters. It's befitting. Yes, there is grief, and the recently dead folk do deserve respect and the maintenance of their dignity, and there is great power in death, but it's also freakin' hilarious. Death is always smiling because he 'gets it'. Unfortunately, Rob doesn't 'get it'.

(An aside: I don't think Wiccans 'get it' either. Yes, it's a relatively young and unorganized religion, but there is little or no speculation about the nature of the soul or where you go when you die in Wicca. The Summerlands are sort of a version of the western Christian Heaven. It's as if no one ever gave much thought to what happens once you cross the Veil. Some Shamanic traditions pay far more attention to the soul than to the life it supports. In some threads of Nordic faith, the soul is nine-parted. They have rules and regulations as to who goes where when they die. Wiccans know there is a Veil, and things can cross over it, but they focus far more on this side of the Veil than the other.)

We didn't get a whole heck of a lot else accomplished. No voter registration, no walking shoes or socks, no yoga pants... But we did get out of the house & Rob did get out of his own head for a few hours. I've also got a fridge full of veggies, yay. And we met Harry, which made the day worth it all on its own.

Oops, Forgot

What Was In the Box:

A 5lb dumbbell, some heavy black cardboard, and a dictinonary! I knew there was a large bookish feeling thing in the box, and there was. There was also about a half a roll of paper towels used as padding, some bubble wrap, and...

Pan's Labyrinth!!!

Footnote added @ 1am: I think it's raining again out there - it rained earlier when we were coming home from the grocery store. While loading the groceries into the car, the rain was freezing to my face. Brrrr!!!
Thank you, Great Mystery, for the rain.