Surrender

It's interesting to me that since I've given up on fighting for this job, I'm a lot less stressed. So, they fucking fire me. I was looking for a job when I got this one. I don't enjoy my job, and I definitely don't enjoy the hours. More night audit jobs have been popping up lately, so I've been applying for them. I've pretty much managed to call in at least one day a week or had a half day a week since I got sick. This is unacceptable work behavior to me - even at the Excalibur I busted my ass to keep a decent attendance record, even though I played with my 'points' just like every other casino employee whose attendance is based on a points system. Yeah, we all do it & don't even pretend you don't. And I know all about those early-outs, too, so don't get all self-righteous around me... :P

( TMI about my husband's ass )

Reached the end of my Destiny reading night before last. I didn't post it last night because I honestly didn't feel like walking down the hall to my room to get my journal. The last question was 'What is my Unified Self?' meaning what qualities of my life will emerge when my intellect, heart and body work together, and also what is my Inner Teacher.

I got Isa. Standstill, withdrawal and ice.

Yeah, that pretty much summed it all up for me.

Surrender, submission, inexorable processes against which I am powerless. It's also like an iceberg - not too much visible to the naked eye, but a lot going on under the surface. Stuff that can sink ships.

This is Just Creepy

This is a generic astrological chart done by Astrodienst

It is creepily accurate.

Sun in Capricorn
Moon in Pisces
Ascendant in Scorpio
Mars in the Sixth House
Sun in the Second House
Venus in the Third House
Moon in the Fifth House
Saturn in the Eighth House

Sun in Capricorn, Moon in Pisces

Your astrological combination indicates a quiet, undemonstrative individual. You are retiring by nature and prefer domestic activities. A somewhat passive person, you require a stronger force or person to move you out of your state of psychological inertia. Much about you is concentrated and inner-directed.

You seek integrity of self. You make a good friend and confidant, for you never reveal a secret that has been told to you. But you don't allow friends and associates to penetrate beneath your outermost mask. You deal well with people in unfortunate positions, because they arouse the compassion inherent in your Moon influence. Under favorable circumstances, your psychic and mystic tendencies could be awakened. The key to a more harmonious existence lies in using your organizing ability to establish a more active life. You possess a high degree of innate ambition and perseverance.

Ascendant in Scorpio, Mars in the Sixth House

At the time of your birth the zodiacal sign of Scorpio was ascending in the horizon. Its ruler Mars is located in the sixth house.

Your life will be marked by your shrewd, secretive, obstinate, clever, and reserved disposition. You remain an enigma: with these traits, your life events could be either very tragic or very fortunate. To which category of Scorpio do you belong? There are two types, the extremely emotional, attracted by those pathological aspects of biological relationship, or the highly mystical, concerned with spirituality.

You are a person of extremes, very sensitive and desirous of attachment. There is some attraction to the occult or to psychic phenomena. You are active in the sense that there is a psychological struggle going on inside you between the positive and negative poles-those of affirming and satisfying or rejecting and repressing. You are very intense in your feelings and remain passionately attached to the person you love. Similarly, when you dislike someone you are very fixed in that feeling. However, there is room for optimism in that: whatever type of Scorpio you may happen to be, there exists a desire deep in your inner self for psychic regeneration.

At some point in your life, after the occurrence of a major dramatic event that will affect you deeply, the goal and entire expression of your ego may alter entirely. The intensity and profundity of your passion, however, will always be constant. You have a tendency to go into the shadows and secretly plan the course of action you will take, reluctant to let others know the exact nature of your mood or feelings. In your sexual affairs you are full of passion and strong attachment.

Exert more control over your passions; don't be so resentful of others. Use your strong will and character for favorable and beneficial things.

You have a strong inclination to be involved in medicine, perhaps even surgery. You are attracted by research and investigation in general.

This position indicates that your actions will be geared to work. You are going to be very energetic in work and enthusiastic in all labor-type duties. Your treatment of other people in work will be liberal and sympathetic, but when they respond in a similar manner you become angry and over-authoritative. People with Mars in the sixth house should be their own bosses or carry on independently in business as when they are subordinate to others there is a tendency to work too hard.

Sun in the Second House

The Sun was found in the second house at the time of your birth. This position makes financial matters - and the act of physical conquest and possession - the central motivation of your existence.

It is virtually a necessity that you address yourself to gaining material security. The obligations of giving still exist for you as a real difficulty which you must learn to deal with.

You should enjoy your own wealth and also instruct yourself in the art of giving. You wish to be respected in financial matters and like to be regarded as a person who is self- sufficient.

There exists a great amount of faith in your abilities; you believe that no matter what happens, you will always endure financially. These influences of the Sun grant strong possibilities for success in life.

Your weaknesses in money include a tendency to be very demonstrative, a desire for money because of the power it wields. As you reach mature age, the doors of opportunity will open for you through persons highly placed in government. Don't miss the chance.

Venus in the Third House

Venus was in the third house of your horoscope at the time of birth. You are keenly interested in the creative arts, and your thoughts and words are surrounded by a halo of beauty, taste, and proportion. Your mind actually feels the emotions connected with nature and the higher aspects of things human. Venus here augurs pleasant and kind relations with members of your family; the disposition of your intellect is congenial, youthful, and attractive.

The keys to a better integration of both your mental and emotional functions consist of deepening your personal relationships and of turning the mind inward so that you may be able to know the world better by means of true self-knowledge.

Moon in the Fifth House

The Moon was found in the fifth house at the time of your birth. This indicates that you will participate actively in business speculations with many changes occurring in this respect. You were born with a knack for dealing with people and with the ability to communicate with them, particularly in connection with business enterprises.

Your emotional nature is very much geared to your love of pleasure, and you possess a very curious aptitude which may bring you financial gains as well as pleasures in business.

In spite of the positive qualities you have, the fact of the matter is that in love you are very changeable, unstable, or too preoccupied with trivialities.

Your love feelings are very well developed and lead to strong drives for sensations and passionate tendencies which unfortunately are not directed to one object alone.

It is possible that throughout life you may be connected with small and numerous business investments with a fairly good return.

Note: The Moon is technically near the end of house 4 and is therefore interpreted in house 5.

Saturn in the Eighth House

Saturn was found in the eighth house at the time of birth. Because of the restraining influence of this planet, matters concerning legacies, inheritance, and the financial dealings of your partner or associates could be severely limited and may be frustrated by what seems to be harsh fate.

Psychologically you are rather serious in connection with sexual affairs. You approach sex with caution, rationality and planning. Excess reason and thought in this direction may create some frustration in sexual matters.


Pretty scary.

What is also scary is that something's been knocking on the walls. Loudly. It's getting annoying.