Sometimes

[perzephone]

I feel like a ghost.

Sometimes I don't feel like I'm here, but I don't feel like I'm anywhere else, either. When people talk about other people that are always there for them, I wonder what it's like to be that person. Someone who is always there for other people. Most of the time, I'm not even there for myself.

The stars frighten me when I (yes, I said I wouldn't use it anymore, but in this case it's the only word I know) really start thinking about them. Deep contemplation of the stars and I feel even less here than normal. I don't belong where the stars can see you, watching down. Some people are comforted by thoughts that the stars watch over them. I just feel like a bug pinned to a white card, a rabbit in the headlights of an oncoming Universe.

It doesn't help that when I leave my body I can't leave the house.

Comments

[akiima.livejournal.com]

I know this is not really the point, and I wish sincerely that I had something more constructive to say, but you should know that...

Well, simply, that you have never, ever failed to be there for me.

I'll try not to take advantage.

[perzephone.livejournal.com]

I wish I could be more 'there' for you to take advantage of. You have this circle of people who are willing to love and protect you from what they can - all I can really do is send good wishes.

I'm trying to tap back in a little more, but it seems like the more I try to reach for it, the more the earth shrinks from my touch. I think it's trying to pull me outside, away from my computer & all the electricity & radio waves - which is more comforting that thinking the earth & its energy is going, "Ewww, she keeps trying to touch me!"