Weird Thoughts

[perzephone]

Last night being Christmas an' all, I found myself thinking that I feel honest compassion for Jesus Christ. Of all the solar Gods, his death was one of the worst, and he never got to come back dfor a second chance, really. He should be able to come back around, year after year, and run through the tall grain and taste the wine before he dies again. He didn't even have the pleasure of pleasure before the women tore him to bits... instead he died a common criminal's death, tortured and abused, killed by soldiers. It's not a death for a solar sovereign - no wonder it didn't do its job properly. It's weird for me because of the compassionate emotions and because it was for a prophet of a religion to which I don't adhere. I feel like I've reached another level within myself, another layer. It's a deeper, quieter place where a little spark of faith has been kept hidden from prying eyes. I'm also feeling like I'm 'getting' compassion a little more. I can feel for others.

Part of why I don't usually pay respect to those interesting feelings like compassion is because it literally makes my heart hurt. I can feel it, under my ribs, thumping away, and it also makes me start crying. So I get this lovely combination of angina and snot-nose. But it's mostly my heart, which feels at those times like a thunder-egg, ready to crack open & spill amethyst all over the room.

But now it's time for me to gather up my dog & my man & crawl into my nice cozy bed.