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perzephone
Rob actually ran interference w/his mother for me over the whole graduation thing.
He told her, "Don't lock horns with her - you will not win". He also told her that if she harped on it, I would most likely drop out of school altogether, and he's right. I probably would go to that extreme. I hate feeling like I'm being bullied into a corner, and I've caved on a lot of things in deference to his mother. On this one, though, he's right - I'd sabotage my degree so she wouldn't be able to back me into the corner in the first place.
Yes, it is probably very selfish of me to deny her & Anton the whole graduation spectacle, especially since they've helped us out financially over the many years since I started this nightmare, and yes, I'm probably jeopardizing future assistance by sticking to my guns. She even tried to pull that on Rob, "I wouldn't have denied my parents the joy of seeing me graduate".
Not to be petty, but she's not my mother, and Anton is not my father. I barely feel as if I'm part of the family, anyway, no matter what they say they think of me. It has nothing to do w/me playing some head game with them, or pulling some power trip. If I knew anyone at all at CSN in person, and knew they were going to graduate at the same time, maybe it would be different. Especially if their last name or whatever was ahead of mine.
But the whole thought of getting up on that stage made me sick to my stomach. I had freaking diarrhea all day because of it. Just thinking about it right now has me in knots again. I even tried thinking, well, maybe if I was drunk... but I realized I would never be able to get that drunk. I don't do karaoke for a reason, and it's not that I want to spare people my hideous singing voice. I think the only reason I made it through my high school drama classes was because I drank through them. It's a wonder I could remember my lines half the time, but somehow I thought it would be better than PE. In band, when they made me first flute I almost had a freaking heart attack, until I realized that I would be wedged in between the other flautists & the clarinet players. Shortly thereafter, I decided I didn't want to play the flute anymore & switched to trumpet. Which I sucked at. But that was ok because it meant I got to sit in the center of the brass section. When I got that stupid 'Simply the Best' at the Excalibur it took me like, a month to recover. I quit working for the Indoor Swapmeet after I got the 'Ambassador of Courtesy' award one year. I was like, fuck that shit! It's weird because at one point in my past, I seriously wanted to be a rock star, or at least a blues musician. That was until I got involved w/drama & got to feel how bad it was in front of a small auditorium worth of people. All just staring at you, waiting for you to fuck up or fall down or burst into flames or something.
He told her, "Don't lock horns with her - you will not win". He also told her that if she harped on it, I would most likely drop out of school altogether, and he's right. I probably would go to that extreme. I hate feeling like I'm being bullied into a corner, and I've caved on a lot of things in deference to his mother. On this one, though, he's right - I'd sabotage my degree so she wouldn't be able to back me into the corner in the first place.
Yes, it is probably very selfish of me to deny her & Anton the whole graduation spectacle, especially since they've helped us out financially over the many years since I started this nightmare, and yes, I'm probably jeopardizing future assistance by sticking to my guns. She even tried to pull that on Rob, "I wouldn't have denied my parents the joy of seeing me graduate".
Not to be petty, but she's not my mother, and Anton is not my father. I barely feel as if I'm part of the family, anyway, no matter what they say they think of me. It has nothing to do w/me playing some head game with them, or pulling some power trip. If I knew anyone at all at CSN in person, and knew they were going to graduate at the same time, maybe it would be different. Especially if their last name or whatever was ahead of mine.
But the whole thought of getting up on that stage made me sick to my stomach. I had freaking diarrhea all day because of it. Just thinking about it right now has me in knots again. I even tried thinking, well, maybe if I was drunk... but I realized I would never be able to get that drunk. I don't do karaoke for a reason, and it's not that I want to spare people my hideous singing voice. I think the only reason I made it through my high school drama classes was because I drank through them. It's a wonder I could remember my lines half the time, but somehow I thought it would be better than PE. In band, when they made me first flute I almost had a freaking heart attack, until I realized that I would be wedged in between the other flautists & the clarinet players. Shortly thereafter, I decided I didn't want to play the flute anymore & switched to trumpet. Which I sucked at. But that was ok because it meant I got to sit in the center of the brass section. When I got that stupid 'Simply the Best' at the Excalibur it took me like, a month to recover. I quit working for the Indoor Swapmeet after I got the 'Ambassador of Courtesy' award one year. I was like, fuck that shit! It's weird because at one point in my past, I seriously wanted to be a rock star, or at least a blues musician. That was until I got involved w/drama & got to feel how bad it was in front of a small auditorium worth of people. All just staring at you, waiting for you to fuck up or fall down or burst into flames or something.
