Pathworking - Notes
Dec. 15th, 2010 10:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
perzephone
I've been weaning myself off the Elavil these past couple of weeks, which means I've been taking one every other day. Decided to not do it cold turkey this time around. Next week it'll be one every two days. I can already tell the difference - for instance, like right now, I've been having regular old 'I'm not sleepy' insomnia, coupled with daytime restlessness. Fewer dreams.
My GP's office contains a sleep clinic. I'm thinking about maybe having her run some more in-depth tests on me, like a PET scan. Maybe I do have drain bamage. Some synapses or neurons just not firing in the right sequence anymore. I don't think there's any treatment for things like TBI or drug-related/alcohol related brain damage, but I like having the answers. Just trying to research 'I wake up at the onset of REM sleep' is mostly futile (this is about the only thing I've seen: Sleep Disorder Center). There's lots of stuff out there about 'REM Sleep Behavior Disorder', which is where people don't get sleep paralysis & act out their dreams, but very little on other types of 'REM Sleep Disorders'. I know I get sleep paralysis because I've woken up, couldn't move and could feel the chemicals circulating in my body. Sleep paralysis, if you're not completely freaked out by it, is a comfortable state to be in. You're paralyzed and somewhat numb, so there's no pain or discomfort, just a floating lassitude. Of course, because sleep paralysis comes hand in hand with REM, once I wake up the paralysis never lasts more than a few seconds.
At any rate, I'd like to rule out anything physical, like brain damage. If nothing pops up physical, then I think I'm going to make a concerted effort to wade through the multitudinous layers of red tape put in place by my insurance company & find a therapist. See if there's something mental getting in the way of my dreaming. I can keep taking the Elavil, but it's only a treatment. I never know if the dreams I have are 'true' dreams because I'm on an antidepressant medication. Considering how much I dream about my job, I get the feeling that I'm still not dreaming.
Pathworking with the Tarot often manifests within dreams. Much of magical working manifests in dreams, period. I've always missed out on that particular aspect of spirituality.
My GP's office contains a sleep clinic. I'm thinking about maybe having her run some more in-depth tests on me, like a PET scan. Maybe I do have drain bamage. Some synapses or neurons just not firing in the right sequence anymore. I don't think there's any treatment for things like TBI or drug-related/alcohol related brain damage, but I like having the answers. Just trying to research 'I wake up at the onset of REM sleep' is mostly futile (this is about the only thing I've seen: Sleep Disorder Center). There's lots of stuff out there about 'REM Sleep Behavior Disorder', which is where people don't get sleep paralysis & act out their dreams, but very little on other types of 'REM Sleep Disorders'. I know I get sleep paralysis because I've woken up, couldn't move and could feel the chemicals circulating in my body. Sleep paralysis, if you're not completely freaked out by it, is a comfortable state to be in. You're paralyzed and somewhat numb, so there's no pain or discomfort, just a floating lassitude. Of course, because sleep paralysis comes hand in hand with REM, once I wake up the paralysis never lasts more than a few seconds.
At any rate, I'd like to rule out anything physical, like brain damage. If nothing pops up physical, then I think I'm going to make a concerted effort to wade through the multitudinous layers of red tape put in place by my insurance company & find a therapist. See if there's something mental getting in the way of my dreaming. I can keep taking the Elavil, but it's only a treatment. I never know if the dreams I have are 'true' dreams because I'm on an antidepressant medication. Considering how much I dream about my job, I get the feeling that I'm still not dreaming.
Pathworking with the Tarot often manifests within dreams. Much of magical working manifests in dreams, period. I've always missed out on that particular aspect of spirituality.
