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perzephone
I am so lost, and I keep telling Rob to leave me alone about shit, but he just kept hammering away last night... The move, what I want to do for the rest of my life, what would make me happy, where would I be happier... He came very close to making me cry last night. I hate crying. It is useless & fruitless & makes yer eyes & nose swell up.
I've already come to the conclusion that me ever becoming a mortician is a dead end. There's just no fucking way. But how do I refocus myself? I've got this horrible feeling that time is just running out for me. I need to decide what I'm going to do with the rest of my life... but I hate what I'm good at. I loathe it. And the idea of going to school to officialize that which I am really good at but absolutely abhor appals me... But it's really coming down to the wire. I have always been the Lady Who Waits... waiting for time, waiting for money, waiting for Rob, waiting, waiting, waiting. And growing old. By this time, Rob & I should already have our house, have a decent car, be putting money away for eventualities. Not living paycheck to paycheck. Not hanging by a thread, not solely dependent on the goodwill of his parents & my employment. So I started thinking about taking a portion of our soon to be emptied savings & going to school, forcing myself to actually complete a semester or two... but Rob doesn't want to stay in NV while I get a degree of some kind... but I'm afraid that we're going to be here next Summer, and I'll still be waiting.
I've already come to the conclusion that me ever becoming a mortician is a dead end. There's just no fucking way. But how do I refocus myself? I've got this horrible feeling that time is just running out for me. I need to decide what I'm going to do with the rest of my life... but I hate what I'm good at. I loathe it. And the idea of going to school to officialize that which I am really good at but absolutely abhor appals me... But it's really coming down to the wire. I have always been the Lady Who Waits... waiting for time, waiting for money, waiting for Rob, waiting, waiting, waiting. And growing old. By this time, Rob & I should already have our house, have a decent car, be putting money away for eventualities. Not living paycheck to paycheck. Not hanging by a thread, not solely dependent on the goodwill of his parents & my employment. So I started thinking about taking a portion of our soon to be emptied savings & going to school, forcing myself to actually complete a semester or two... but Rob doesn't want to stay in NV while I get a degree of some kind... but I'm afraid that we're going to be here next Summer, and I'll still be waiting.
