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Evohe Litha!!!

Oj, sio I'm not longer tuyping so good now. :P

I'm so gonna hate myself tomorrow.

Speaking of hate... how can one person so full of anger be so full of love at the same time? Will I regret all I've said tomorrow? Will I leave it to lay like so many sleeping dogs? Will I delete it all in shame? Why am I so embarrassed to show emotion? Why does liquor make it so much easier? It's funny to me that a drying, astringent chemical like grain alcohol can be so lubricating to the soul. And the eyes. Maybe it's just the physical pain relief- I can't feel my back or my knees right now. I can't feel my elbosw, or my teeth for that matter.

But I can feel my breathing deepen, I can feel my ribs spread farther apart. It's the solar festival in WoW land & that cheered me up. Why is it a chemical depressant immediately takes away all my sorrow? Oi, so pent up, thinking about us living in Rob's mom's house til we were 90 & she was 170... she won't seel it to us because she thingks if we got our hands on $100k, we'd blow it. I'd stay in my desert, form labyrinths in the back yard, get a dog. I don't really want to go to Washington when I getmy degree... I'm so scared. I'm scared of succeeding if that makes any sense. Scard of moving yet again, throwing all I knoe away. I'm so dafe sna comfy in my dead-end job. I'm such an Excalibwhore. It's all I really knoe, that and I can type 61 words a minute. Oooh, with those skills I can get a $7/hr job anytime I want it.

If levitation were possible, I'd be 3 feet above my chair right now. Maybe I just need to drink more often. I really do belong to Dionysus. No other God has called me like He has. I'd be perfectly content as a maenad or mellissae, chasing the Stag... Wine, tequila, opium... I miss opium. Maybe I just need to be tied & beaten. It's been so long.

Oi, I'm so drunk. I need to quit, it's like an addiction... Music, wine, opium, the call of the horn, Herne, wish Rob was felling better, he'd be so fucked right now.

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Rainbow Serpent Woman

August 2014

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