Namaste, Bitches

Rob got stuck w/his mom & dad at the car shop today, & they started grilling him about going out to eat, either at the Goulash Pot or this new Polish Buffet. Well, I've been on this low-to-no carb diet under the shrink's advisement that it will somehow provide a miraculous cure for my depression, because as you all know, we as a society are so addicted to white processed sugar and flour that we can't see past our own dietary habits to a new enlightened future... Anyway, obviously I am horribly resentful but still willing to deny myself the funnel cake that IHOP is now selling. Bastards - they would pick NOW to hock funnel cakes. I love funnel cakes. They are one thing that makes me happy (now I have 4)...

So anyway, Rob is hesitant to tell his parents that I am going to a shrink, even tho I don't really care... and he's trying to come up w/all these excuses as to why we won't be able to go out to dinner w/them for about 2 wks... He ended up telling his mom that I was on some kind of carbohydrate diet, so she jumped all over that - what diet is it, why am I on it, who recommended it, etc. & so forth. Now if she asks me, I'll tell her straight up "My shrink wants me to try it to see if I feel better". Rob totally missed the most obvious lie: "Her doctor wants her to try it because she's fat". When I told him he could have said that to his mom, he just stood here w/this dumb-founded look on his face - it never occured to him.

The thing about this whole no-carb thing that is getting to me is that all of a sudden, what I eat has become this huge, all-encompassing, focus in my world, when before what I ate was the least of my concerns. I fed myself when I was hungry. Now that I have no empty calories, I am hungry every 3 hours. It's like I'm constantly eating Chinese food or something. All I can think about is ice cream, funnel cakes, cookies, cereal, cake, pie - breakfast around here has been shot to Hel for me... no doughnuts, no waffles, no pancakes (and I had just bought this big-ass jar of apple sauce to go on said pancakes, too). Baked potato w/a crispy skin, sour cream, butter & green onions, all salty & fluffy... onion rings at the EDR, which is about the only thing those people know how to cook right...

It's driving me up a wall, I still feel like shit, Rob made me cry at dinner last night because he's been hammering away about moving & money for weeks & even though I told him twice to drop the conversation, he kept going... I called Jody to ask if anyone up at the ranch happened to be unloading any p/up trucks or campers & she started giving me the 3rd degree about moving to Washington (Oh, Seattle's all slums right now, do you have a job lined up, what about housing, what happens if you move up there, really like it and have to come back, what if it's Oregon & Louisiana all over again...) All I called about was trucks. Why the Hel does Jody give a shit anyway?
_________________________________________________________

Capricorn Horoscope for week of July 7, 2005

Sometimes we have a strong sense of what our destiny is calling us to do, but we don't feel quite ready or brave enough to answer the call. We need a push, an intervention, a serendipitous stroke--what I call fate bait. It's a person or event that awakens our dormant willpower and draws us inexorably towards our fate; it's a thunderbolt or siren song or stage whisper that gives us a good excuse to go do what we know we should do. I suspect that you, Capricorn, are about to meet your fate bait.

*
SACRED ADVERTISEMENT (I left this in because it smacks of truth and beauty)
"I’ve been practicing radical authenticity lately," my friend Brandon told me. "I’m revealing the blunt truth about unmentionable subjects to everyone I know. It’s been pretty hellish—no one likes having the social masks stripped away—but it’s been ultimately rewarding."

"I admire your boldness in naming the currents flowing beneath the surface," I replied, "but I’m curious as to why you imply they’re all negative. To practice radical authenticity, shouldn’t you also express the raw truth about what’s right, good, and beautiful? Shouldn’t you unleash the praise and gratitude that normally go unspoken?"

Brandon sneered. He thought my version of radical authenticity was wimpy. I hope you don’t. As a budding lover of life, you have a mandate to be honest in both ways.