Dark Nights

I've been taking 50mg of Zoloft, about 12 hours apart, mainly because it upsets my stomach.

I don't think it's enough. I've been having some very dark nights lately.

I just feel like I'm a waste of resources, and I can't figure out how to make myself feel worthwhile, or feel less like a complete failure. I'm just a warm body, taking up space on a crowded planet. I try not to dwell on it, but the thoughts are insidious and they creep back in, especially at 4am, when I'm up alone w/few distractions. I'm just glad there are no pain-free methods for me to try out. All I've got is sharp pointy things and things that go boom. And I worry more about failing than I do about succeeding. Which I suppose is the sentiment behind 'whatever gets you through the night'.

I'm going to try something different tonight. I took my morning dose, and when I get up I'm going to take 2 (an additional 50mg) and see how I feel. Then I'll try that until my pshrink appts. next week and talk it over w/both my prescribing psych & my therapist.

Huh. There are suicide hotline chats available.