(no subject)

This guy goes skydiving for the first time, asks his instructor what to do if his shute doesn't open. The instructor tells him to open the secondary shute. The newbie jumper thinks a moment, asks the instructor what if the second shute doesn't open...
The instructor looks around to make sure no one else is paying attention & tells his pupil, "OK, if your secondary shoot doesn't ope, flap your arms & yell 'Buddha, Buddha, Buddha'". The newbie doesn't really get it, but jumps anyway...
Of course, when he pulls the ripcord, no shute pops out. So he panics a moment & remembers, o yeah, pull the second shute. He pulls that ripcord, nothing happens. So he panics again, and as he's frantically flailing his arms, he remembers & yells, "Buddha, Buddha, Buddha!!!"
A pair of large, warm, comforting brown hands descend from the sky & cradle the skydiver lovingly. It startles him so badly, he screams "Jesus Christ!"... and the hands let go.

(no subject)

This is basically a letter-to-the-editor I wrote earlier. Remember I was talking about impotent anger & frustration?

I'm writing this in regards to a matter involving the DMV. I received a notice saying that my car's registration is going to be cancelled because of "No response from your Insurance Company". This enigmatic line apparently means that the Nevada DMV didn't receive a computer update disk from my insurance company that tells the DMV that yes, indeed, I do have insurance. When I received the card, I called the number on it, which connected me to the DMV's Insurance Verification department. I was informed that I had until August 5th for my insurance company to provide the DMV with said disk or my registration would be cancelled. I asked if I could have my insurance agent fax proof of insurance to the DMV and was told it wouldn't do any good, nor would picking up same-day proof of insurance. It had to be information from the disk. I asked, "What if my insurance agency's disk doesn't arrive by the 5th? Can I go & get another insurance policy?" I was told that this also would do no good and my registration would still be cancelled. The agent offered me a ray of hope by telling me that once this information was received, the $250 reinstatement fee would be waived. However, this wouldn't help me in the meantime, if no matter what I did or did not do would result in my registration being cancelled. The DMV seems to be telling me that, no matter what, they are cancelling my registration and fining me $250 for no apparent reason. And I am so angry I can barely see straight enough to bang this letter out. I mainly wanted the public to be aware that the DMV is after money, and has come up with a fool-proof way to get it. All I can do is hope & pray that my insurance agency's disk will make it to the DMV on time and not get lost in the mail.
Is that fucked up or what?