Runed My Life

I've been playing with my runes again, just trying to recapture some of that early spirit I had back when I first picked them up. Many people in the Pagan community don't like Ralph Blum's Book of Runes - it's as ridiculed as Silver Ravenwolf, and some points I can understand. His little rust-colored book is more about poetry than historical fact and archaeology. But after reading it again, trying to see it with a more balanced and experienced eye, I have to admit that I like the poetry. Divination is not so much a science as it is an art. It doesn't matter to me what ancient Teutons did or did not do with their runes - it only matters to me that it works for me. The first time I cast a rune spread for someone else was the first time I felt the top of my head open up and felt a true connection with the Great Mystery. I used to know the runes & their interpretations like the back of my hand - but as I sat looking at them spread out on the blanket in my lap, I realized that I've forgotten what most of them are, never mind what they mean.

Last night I decided to embark on a meditative journey of the runic spreads in the little book, starting with the Runes of Destiny. I'm going to draw a rune each night for each of the positions in the spread & ruminate on them through the day. The first position in the Destiny spread is 'What is my nature?'

Last night, my first rune was Fehu, reversed. From the book's definitions, Fehu is the rune of Wealth, Possessions and Cattle. Reversed, Fehu says this: "... a wide range of dispossessions, ranging from trivial to severe. You fall short in your efforts, you reach out and and miss; you are compelled to stand by and watch helplessly while what you've gained dwindles away..."

Apparently, the runes have determined that I am a loser.

I've meditated on this all day and come to some conclusions.

Yes, I am a loser. I've pretty much lost everything over the course of my life. I lost both my parents. Everything we owned was sold off or left behind whenever we moved. I lost all connections to family and friends time & time again. I've lost a lot of family members and friends to death itself. Each time I think I might be getting a break, some relief, financial or otherwise - it slips from my hands.

I've gained some things as well - my possessions are not me. Yes, I have stuff and I do love the creature comforts like hot running water & indoor plumbing, but honestly I don't have a lot of stuff. I am by no means driven to keep up with the Joneses so to speak. My daily needs are simple and few. I also don't form attachments that tear me apart when they end. Maybe because of the fact that I did lose so much so often my emotions could not afford to linger on the past, on what I once had, on who I once knew. I don't place expectations or attachments on outcomes or people, so I have lost disappointment and resentment.

The book also states, in that New Agey every-dark-oracle-must-have-a-silver-lining way, "...In dealing with the shadow side of Fehu, you have an opportunity to recognize where your true nourishment lies.