Kidz Bop... aka The Morning Rant
Aug. 19th, 2007 08:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
perzephone
Who picks the songs for these inane little fuckers?
Prime example: Nelly Furtado's Say It Right
"From my body I could show
you a place God knows
You should know the space is holy
Do you really want to go?"
Yeah, she could be talking about her heart, but we all know she's talking about her pussy. So imagine, a throng of small children singing about their holy places. Or how about the infamous cheater song, Hinder's Lips of an Angel or super cynical (but I love its political incorrectness) Waitin' On the World to Change or off-key yowling about a year none of them were even born in - 1985?. Okay, yeah, Bowling for Soup may sound like a bunch of kids anyway, but think of the sound of a herd of snotballs singing, "She was going to shake her ass... on the hood of Whitesnake's car." I'm sure it's probably edited to unrecognizability, but... think of the possibilities. "One Prozac a day, husband's a CPA.. Thought she was gonna get a hand on a member of Duran Duran..."
I think I might buy an album if Rehab was on it. I think it'd be hilarious & far closer to the truth listening to a bunch of puling brats wailing about how they don't wanna go to rehab.
My only hope for these kids is maybe they don't speak English. Maybe they're like Abba & the manager has them chained up somewhere & just trains them into repeating mindless phrases to music. They don't seem to have fame as individual soloists - the albums just list them as "The Kidz Bop Kids". Maybe they are replaceable - their vocal cords just give out like tightly-strung guitar strings & they get replaced w/a new kid. Maybe that woman who has 17 kids (yeah, you know who you are - stop making your kids sing along to age-inappropriate music - I am so sick & tired of the freaking commercials every morning) really needed the money.
Someone must be buying the things, though, because they've got 12 regular albums out, Christmas & Halloween specials, 'Gold' collections... and apparently, you can get Kidz Bop Hanukkah music online. Haven't the Jews suffered enough? (Yes, I know, Karma, wood lice... I know... I just can't help myself.)
One good thing about this morning - I had the most incredible and non-diet-friendly breakfast on the face of the planet. I was starving this morning & asked Rob to take me to Jack Inna Box. They have an awesome blackberry shake... (diet strike #1 - and I already know what it tastes like, so you know I've been bad since it was introduced) and I saw an ad for a Sirloin Breakfast Burrito. The thing was hyuuuugggeee. I mean, at least close to half a pound. Had strips of real meat, scrambled eggs, it was spicy... and the surprise was the crispy hashbrown (diet strike #2 and probably #3 as well) wrapped around the steak & egg inside the tortilla. I had to put it on a plate & eat it w/a knife & fork. I couldn't finish it. I don't normally like eggs, but w/the chorizo-like spicy oil all over it & mixed w/the cheese & the crispy hashbrowns it was awesome. When I opened it all onto my plate for easier eating, it looked like one of those skillet breakfasts from Denny's or IHOP.
Prime example: Nelly Furtado's Say It Right
"From my body I could show
you a place God knows
You should know the space is holy
Do you really want to go?"
Yeah, she could be talking about her heart, but we all know she's talking about her pussy. So imagine, a throng of small children singing about their holy places. Or how about the infamous cheater song, Hinder's Lips of an Angel or super cynical (but I love its political incorrectness) Waitin' On the World to Change or off-key yowling about a year none of them were even born in - 1985?. Okay, yeah, Bowling for Soup may sound like a bunch of kids anyway, but think of the sound of a herd of snotballs singing, "She was going to shake her ass... on the hood of Whitesnake's car." I'm sure it's probably edited to unrecognizability, but... think of the possibilities. "One Prozac a day, husband's a CPA.. Thought she was gonna get a hand on a member of Duran Duran..."
I think I might buy an album if Rehab was on it. I think it'd be hilarious & far closer to the truth listening to a bunch of puling brats wailing about how they don't wanna go to rehab.
My only hope for these kids is maybe they don't speak English. Maybe they're like Abba & the manager has them chained up somewhere & just trains them into repeating mindless phrases to music. They don't seem to have fame as individual soloists - the albums just list them as "The Kidz Bop Kids". Maybe they are replaceable - their vocal cords just give out like tightly-strung guitar strings & they get replaced w/a new kid. Maybe that woman who has 17 kids (yeah, you know who you are - stop making your kids sing along to age-inappropriate music - I am so sick & tired of the freaking commercials every morning) really needed the money.
Someone must be buying the things, though, because they've got 12 regular albums out, Christmas & Halloween specials, 'Gold' collections... and apparently, you can get Kidz Bop Hanukkah music online. Haven't the Jews suffered enough? (Yes, I know, Karma, wood lice... I know... I just can't help myself.)
One good thing about this morning - I had the most incredible and non-diet-friendly breakfast on the face of the planet. I was starving this morning & asked Rob to take me to Jack Inna Box. They have an awesome blackberry shake... (diet strike #1 - and I already know what it tastes like, so you know I've been bad since it was introduced) and I saw an ad for a Sirloin Breakfast Burrito. The thing was hyuuuugggeee. I mean, at least close to half a pound. Had strips of real meat, scrambled eggs, it was spicy... and the surprise was the crispy hashbrown (diet strike #2 and probably #3 as well) wrapped around the steak & egg inside the tortilla. I had to put it on a plate & eat it w/a knife & fork. I couldn't finish it. I don't normally like eggs, but w/the chorizo-like spicy oil all over it & mixed w/the cheese & the crispy hashbrowns it was awesome. When I opened it all onto my plate for easier eating, it looked like one of those skillet breakfasts from Denny's or IHOP.
