Healthy Selfishness
Jan. 27th, 2005 08:42 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
perzephone
The Daily Om
January 27, 2005
Calling In The One
Healthy Selfishness
Some of us give because we can't not give. It's our way of getting by in the world. At least if I give, the thinking goes, others will like me. Better yet, they may even come to need me. Then I won't be so alone in the world. Giving becomes a kind of barter to belong-a bid for love, rather than an expression of it. This kind of giving does not allow for selfishness of any kind, and yet it is excessively selfish. Anyone who has ever been in relationship with someone who has played the martyr role knows how selfish giving can be.
Buddhism encourages us to discover selfishness, while Christianity admonishes us to "die to self". Yet, not until we've developed a fundamental self of self is it appropriate to surrender in this way. Not until we've experienced how delicious and enjoyable healthy selfishness can be, do we actually have something to present as an offering. Years ago, at one of her lectures here in Los Angeles, I remember Marianne Williamson saying, "You have to actually have an ego before you can give it up."
"Healthy selfishness" means you know your limits, and you set them. It means you prioritize self-care over caring for others. It insists that you communicate your feelings, even when your feelings are inconvenient to others. It includes the ability to rest when tired, and to ask for what you want and need, when you want and need it. It is the healthy expression of entitlement.
When we are authentic with ourselves by setting our limits, honoring our feelings, prioritizing our own well-being, and clearly defining our wants and needs, we identify the path we are on, making it much easier for the blessings of life to come to us. Because, as Henry Kissinger once said, 'If you don't know where you are going, every road will get you nowhere.'
... I'm currently perusing 'People of the Owl' by the Gears... It's interesting. A boy was put into the place of clan leader by those who wanted to use him. Power wants the boy as well. He's looked upon as a joke by most around him, but the common theme of the book is 'Don't underestimate this kid. He's got Power'. Of course, only those who set out to destroy him (2 of his 3 wives) are the ones who don't underestimate him... but anyway, the point of this whole rambling thing is that Power walks in strange places. For Salamander, all those who would stand in the way of Power are set aside - his uncle, 'Speaker' before him, passes away. His elder brother, next in line to become 'Speaker' gets struck by lightning. His mother, the Clan Elder, stricken by the grief of two deaths, loses her mind. Leaving Salamander to lead his clan into greatness or despair. Of course, noticing how conveniently Power has secured Salamander's position as ill-fitted tribal leader, the people who strove to put him into that position in the first place are realizing that he could be a dangerous adversary, & are now getting ready to brand him a witch.
So this little book, badly written w/stiff characters, has taught me something about my own Power. No matter how badly my life goes sometimes, I do get my own way. I may have to bide my time, but things do come around for me. And people do take notice, but lacking conviction in things like my mad Voodoo skillz, they seem to think I'm just cut-throat and ambitious. Which, for a woman, can be almost as bad as for an ancient indigenous tribesperson to be branded a witch. Lucky for me, I'm not the average woman - but I probably wouldn't have survived the torture that's in store for Salamander, either.
My 2nd not-so-new-band-but-new-to-me: Deep Forest. To put it mildly, they seem like a bad knock-off of Enigma... A lot of synthesized environmental noise. I have a new 'Delta Sleep System' CD. I hope it helps.
Rob & I fully christened the AbLounger2 this morning. It's pretty cool - if he's sitting in the chair, I can go reverse cowgirl on him & lean really far back & grab the handlebars w/out immediately losing my balance & falling on him. Of course, he had to try & swing back & forth in the thing & almost knock me down anway, but once we got the rhythm of things back, it was a good ride.
January 27, 2005
Calling In The One
Healthy Selfishness
Some of us give because we can't not give. It's our way of getting by in the world. At least if I give, the thinking goes, others will like me. Better yet, they may even come to need me. Then I won't be so alone in the world. Giving becomes a kind of barter to belong-a bid for love, rather than an expression of it. This kind of giving does not allow for selfishness of any kind, and yet it is excessively selfish. Anyone who has ever been in relationship with someone who has played the martyr role knows how selfish giving can be.
Buddhism encourages us to discover selfishness, while Christianity admonishes us to "die to self". Yet, not until we've developed a fundamental self of self is it appropriate to surrender in this way. Not until we've experienced how delicious and enjoyable healthy selfishness can be, do we actually have something to present as an offering. Years ago, at one of her lectures here in Los Angeles, I remember Marianne Williamson saying, "You have to actually have an ego before you can give it up."
"Healthy selfishness" means you know your limits, and you set them. It means you prioritize self-care over caring for others. It insists that you communicate your feelings, even when your feelings are inconvenient to others. It includes the ability to rest when tired, and to ask for what you want and need, when you want and need it. It is the healthy expression of entitlement.
When we are authentic with ourselves by setting our limits, honoring our feelings, prioritizing our own well-being, and clearly defining our wants and needs, we identify the path we are on, making it much easier for the blessings of life to come to us. Because, as Henry Kissinger once said, 'If you don't know where you are going, every road will get you nowhere.'
... I'm currently perusing 'People of the Owl' by the Gears... It's interesting. A boy was put into the place of clan leader by those who wanted to use him. Power wants the boy as well. He's looked upon as a joke by most around him, but the common theme of the book is 'Don't underestimate this kid. He's got Power'. Of course, only those who set out to destroy him (2 of his 3 wives) are the ones who don't underestimate him... but anyway, the point of this whole rambling thing is that Power walks in strange places. For Salamander, all those who would stand in the way of Power are set aside - his uncle, 'Speaker' before him, passes away. His elder brother, next in line to become 'Speaker' gets struck by lightning. His mother, the Clan Elder, stricken by the grief of two deaths, loses her mind. Leaving Salamander to lead his clan into greatness or despair. Of course, noticing how conveniently Power has secured Salamander's position as ill-fitted tribal leader, the people who strove to put him into that position in the first place are realizing that he could be a dangerous adversary, & are now getting ready to brand him a witch.
So this little book, badly written w/stiff characters, has taught me something about my own Power. No matter how badly my life goes sometimes, I do get my own way. I may have to bide my time, but things do come around for me. And people do take notice, but lacking conviction in things like my mad Voodoo skillz, they seem to think I'm just cut-throat and ambitious. Which, for a woman, can be almost as bad as for an ancient indigenous tribesperson to be branded a witch. Lucky for me, I'm not the average woman - but I probably wouldn't have survived the torture that's in store for Salamander, either.
My 2nd not-so-new-band-but-new-to-me: Deep Forest. To put it mildly, they seem like a bad knock-off of Enigma... A lot of synthesized environmental noise. I have a new 'Delta Sleep System' CD. I hope it helps.
Rob & I fully christened the AbLounger2 this morning. It's pretty cool - if he's sitting in the chair, I can go reverse cowgirl on him & lean really far back & grab the handlebars w/out immediately losing my balance & falling on him. Of course, he had to try & swing back & forth in the thing & almost knock me down anway, but once we got the rhythm of things back, it was a good ride.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-03-02 12:30 am (UTC)Adding Me
Date: 2005-03-02 12:41 am (UTC)I'm so used to only one other person reading my LJ that it's a nice surprise when someone else drops by!
Re: Adding Me
Date: 2005-03-02 12:47 am (UTC)