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perzephone
Got my 'explanation of benefits' from the insurance today. My 24 hours in the hospital came to a mere $16,000 dollars (not including the ambulance - which I'm not even going to complain about). Hey, that's about $666 an hour! RoFlMaO!
I watched some little snippet of a show celebrating all the different ways to die & they detailed what happens when someone dies of a burst aneurysm - which also applies to the type of stroke I almost had. Not only does the excess blood pressure in the head make your brain swell, but if your brain bleeds, that puts extra pressure on your poor little brain as well. The brain likes to have blood circulate through it, but it does not like to have blood touching it directly.
I still feel a little weird about the whole thing. I've had some odd side effects, too. Like my appetite. I can normally pack away food... now, not so much. I'm going to go back to my GP on the 18th & I'm going to ask her if it's possible that I damaged my stomach from all the vomiting. I get full much faster & just trying to summon up an appetite takes some effort. I've been kind of consistantly heartburny, too - which makes me nervous because that's how the whole thing started. And of course, my blood pressure has not gone down. Tonight I had to take my 'emergency' blood pressure pill - after an hour of easy walking around the dog park, by the time I got home a headache was starting & I was beginning to feel flushed - my b.p. was 165/108. Thursday I go for the stress test, yay.
Ah well.
I don't do spellcraft anymore. I haven't done a spell in years. I haven't even chased the cucuyl out of my closet w/the almighty Vesta powder in years. The last spell I did attempt had bizarre & amusing results, but the main reason it went kerfluey was because of my lack of strong intention... and possibly the Universe was like, "Stop her before she gets what she asks for". Considering who & what I was asking for, it was honestly a relief that it did go all silly-bonkers. I stopped doing spellcraft because I realized that rain will come when it is time to rain, money will come when it's needed most, even the most powerful protection spell will protect your house from determined crackheads but crackheads make for some idiotic burglars, and all I have to do to get a job is want it badly enough. Honestly, the Universe must like me to an extent, because when I think about all that, I realize I've had it pretty lucky over the years. I don't do spells anymore because I just don't need spells.
But for those who don't have my infinite trust in the Great Mystery, spells are okay.
As I've been spending more time on the paganforum, I've noticed some distinct schools of thought about the practice of magic. One school of thought is that you only do spells as a last resort, which is kind of the boat I've been in, but that's changing. Another school of thought is 'spells are bad, mmmkay, unless you've been under some sort of tutelage & carefully supervised & trained & prepared'. Another school of thought is the unbeliever in the power of witchcraft, and the last is the "omg I do spells for everything!" There is one woman who is fairly new to the forum, & maybe it's because she's an author, but she's very forceful about her opinions, & on almost any thread about spellcraft, there she is. Now, I have nothing in general against Pagan authors... but I think partly because she is a published author & because she posts on every freaking thread, people put a lot of stock in what she says. She's of the "spells are bad, mmkay?" school.
If you are a solitary witch of any system of belief, how do you get better at your craft if you're too afraid to do spellcraft? If you're not a particularly creative witch, how do you go about casting your first spell without reading a few badly written books on witchcraft & spellcraft? Back when I was actually a spellcasting witch, I read every book I could get my hands on for new & more interesting spells. I tried all kinds of magic out. Some worked, some didn't, some blew up in my face, some set the house on fire. With much practice and experimentation, I got pretty darned good at casting spells (If you haven't already figured this out, yes, I do believe in witchcraft & the power of spells - part of it's magic, the rest is psychology). Sometimes I scared myself because of how well (or how evilly) things turned out. I also learned how to pay attention to signs that the spell would not work for whatever reason. How is a potential spellcaster going to learn about things like the will of the Divine & developing a sense of magical timing if they don't make some mistakes first? People who go around insisting that all Pagan authors leave things out of their published spells also piss me off. I'm beginning to think it's an urban legend, especially after seeing so many spells written around the same basic format. But the rumor consistently prevents people from trying new things.
Yes, I do tend to get annoyed at the "omg I do spells for everything!" because sometimes you have to get up off your ass, put the candles out & answer the damned door. Jody is also one of those "omg I need a spell!" kind of people & I try to talk her out of doing spells because honestly, her meager disability pension could be better spent than on candles & incense. Sometimes it's just faster to do something on your own. I no longer tell people to use a spell as the last resort. If you're going to look for a job, sure, do a power spell - but still wear your best suit & have a good-looking resume to give the spell something to work with. If you need a get-out-of-jail free card, do a luck spell or slip a lil' sumpin under the judge's chair, but hire a good defense attorney while you're at it.
Yes, some spells can mess up your life or someone else's. You have to have a clear vision and a clear intent of what you're trying to do - and if you have that, you can be dangerous - but your spells can be quite successful.
Be careful of yourself and others, remember if someone has slighted you, asking for divine retribution will bring the attention of the Universe onto you as well as your enemy, and sometimes being under that kind of scrutiny can be more unpleasant than getting your car keyed or your ego slapped (not that I speak from experience or anything...).
Don't be afraid - it's only magic.
I watched some little snippet of a show celebrating all the different ways to die & they detailed what happens when someone dies of a burst aneurysm - which also applies to the type of stroke I almost had. Not only does the excess blood pressure in the head make your brain swell, but if your brain bleeds, that puts extra pressure on your poor little brain as well. The brain likes to have blood circulate through it, but it does not like to have blood touching it directly.
I still feel a little weird about the whole thing. I've had some odd side effects, too. Like my appetite. I can normally pack away food... now, not so much. I'm going to go back to my GP on the 18th & I'm going to ask her if it's possible that I damaged my stomach from all the vomiting. I get full much faster & just trying to summon up an appetite takes some effort. I've been kind of consistantly heartburny, too - which makes me nervous because that's how the whole thing started. And of course, my blood pressure has not gone down. Tonight I had to take my 'emergency' blood pressure pill - after an hour of easy walking around the dog park, by the time I got home a headache was starting & I was beginning to feel flushed - my b.p. was 165/108. Thursday I go for the stress test, yay.
Ah well.
I don't do spellcraft anymore. I haven't done a spell in years. I haven't even chased the cucuyl out of my closet w/the almighty Vesta powder in years. The last spell I did attempt had bizarre & amusing results, but the main reason it went kerfluey was because of my lack of strong intention... and possibly the Universe was like, "Stop her before she gets what she asks for". Considering who & what I was asking for, it was honestly a relief that it did go all silly-bonkers. I stopped doing spellcraft because I realized that rain will come when it is time to rain, money will come when it's needed most, even the most powerful protection spell will protect your house from determined crackheads but crackheads make for some idiotic burglars, and all I have to do to get a job is want it badly enough. Honestly, the Universe must like me to an extent, because when I think about all that, I realize I've had it pretty lucky over the years. I don't do spells anymore because I just don't need spells.
But for those who don't have my infinite trust in the Great Mystery, spells are okay.
As I've been spending more time on the paganforum, I've noticed some distinct schools of thought about the practice of magic. One school of thought is that you only do spells as a last resort, which is kind of the boat I've been in, but that's changing. Another school of thought is 'spells are bad, mmmkay, unless you've been under some sort of tutelage & carefully supervised & trained & prepared'. Another school of thought is the unbeliever in the power of witchcraft, and the last is the "omg I do spells for everything!" There is one woman who is fairly new to the forum, & maybe it's because she's an author, but she's very forceful about her opinions, & on almost any thread about spellcraft, there she is. Now, I have nothing in general against Pagan authors... but I think partly because she is a published author & because she posts on every freaking thread, people put a lot of stock in what she says. She's of the "spells are bad, mmkay?" school.
If you are a solitary witch of any system of belief, how do you get better at your craft if you're too afraid to do spellcraft? If you're not a particularly creative witch, how do you go about casting your first spell without reading a few badly written books on witchcraft & spellcraft? Back when I was actually a spellcasting witch, I read every book I could get my hands on for new & more interesting spells. I tried all kinds of magic out. Some worked, some didn't, some blew up in my face, some set the house on fire. With much practice and experimentation, I got pretty darned good at casting spells (If you haven't already figured this out, yes, I do believe in witchcraft & the power of spells - part of it's magic, the rest is psychology). Sometimes I scared myself because of how well (or how evilly) things turned out. I also learned how to pay attention to signs that the spell would not work for whatever reason. How is a potential spellcaster going to learn about things like the will of the Divine & developing a sense of magical timing if they don't make some mistakes first? People who go around insisting that all Pagan authors leave things out of their published spells also piss me off. I'm beginning to think it's an urban legend, especially after seeing so many spells written around the same basic format. But the rumor consistently prevents people from trying new things.
Yes, I do tend to get annoyed at the "omg I do spells for everything!" because sometimes you have to get up off your ass, put the candles out & answer the damned door. Jody is also one of those "omg I need a spell!" kind of people & I try to talk her out of doing spells because honestly, her meager disability pension could be better spent than on candles & incense. Sometimes it's just faster to do something on your own. I no longer tell people to use a spell as the last resort. If you're going to look for a job, sure, do a power spell - but still wear your best suit & have a good-looking resume to give the spell something to work with. If you need a get-out-of-jail free card, do a luck spell or slip a lil' sumpin under the judge's chair, but hire a good defense attorney while you're at it.
Yes, some spells can mess up your life or someone else's. You have to have a clear vision and a clear intent of what you're trying to do - and if you have that, you can be dangerous - but your spells can be quite successful.
Be careful of yourself and others, remember if someone has slighted you, asking for divine retribution will bring the attention of the Universe onto you as well as your enemy, and sometimes being under that kind of scrutiny can be more unpleasant than getting your car keyed or your ego slapped (not that I speak from experience or anything...).
Don't be afraid - it's only magic.
