Stupid Question

[perzephone]

Ok, I've been Pagan all my life. I've got patron deities, spirit guides, totems, ancestors (well, they may not be related to me, but I consider them my ancestors more than my actual ancestors)... but for the life of me, I have no clue about this particular situation.

I'm in the market for a new deity. I'm tired of serving and serving and not really getting much in return. I'm tired of getting my head run into brick walls. I'm tired of being kicked around. I'm tired of the school of spiritual hard knocks.

Back in June, I honestly started asking the Universe for compassion, comfort, nourishment, creative guidance and all I've gotten has been white noise.

So, what's the general consensus on consciously choosing a deity to worship? For instance, if I just decided to start worshiping and giving devotion to say, Brighid or Diana, is that acceptable?

Comments

Tangled Webs

[perzephone.livejournal.com]

It's all very strange for me. I serve Persephone and Hades, and when I was little, They were very much like parents. But as I got older, the relationship dynamics changed and became more reserved, more of one where I was asked from time to time to do things (and I still am), and where I was expected to make offerings and perform devotions (and still am)... but They are not the kind and loving 'parents' I had when I was 5. Dionysus and Ariadne are Gods of my own personal madness, the kind found at the bottom of every bottle, the maenad, mad-woman.

Coyote has virtually abandoned me in my old age ;P I hear him occasionally, off in the desert, or the echo of it in my own voice, but he helped me through a time when I needed to learn how to chew my own leg off if I couldn't talk my way out of the trap - and I just don't need his help that much, and I'm not mischievous enough to keep him entertained.

I keep going over the same ground with the lwa, and I know a lot of my problem lays in that I cannot answer The Call. Most of the other deities that brush up against me are the head-knockers and ass-kickers. My biggest problem right now is that I've only ever looked for the harsher deities, spurning anything that smacked even vaguely of comfort, and those bad-ass Gods and Goddesses have always been willing to answer. I'm just getting too old for that kind of shit - my bones and back can't take it anymore.